Gearing Up for Night of Hope

Night of Hope is tomorrow night, sponsored by RESOLVE. I've got the dress. I've got the shoes. And more importantly, I've got the Award (well, at least on paper - no plaque yet).

Then why do I feel so woefully unprepared for tomorrow night? Why am I so nervous?

I've always been a pretty confident public speaker, extemporaneous or prepared. If I need to get up and do a dog and pony show for people, I'm your gal. I make it happen. Hell, I've got a beauty title and a perfomance at Carnegie Hall under my belt - all before the age of 18. In an alternate universe, Keiko Zoll is a world-reknowned opera star. Needless to say, I don't really have a problem getting up in front of people.

For tomorrow night, I've got a minute and a half to say any remarks once I receive my award. I've known since July that I received this award. And yet... I still haven't written an acceptance speech. Why is this so hard? Why am I so petrified about tomorrow night?

There is the chance for celebs to be there, true- Night of Hope is being emcee'd by Fox and Friends Weekend Anchor, Alisyn Camerota amd The View has been awarded The Hope Award for Achievement. Could I be hobnobbing with Barbara Walters? Maybe... I don't know! But the possibility both thrills and terrifies me.

Me, who's performed five times in "The Vagina Monologues," talking about lady bits in front of complete strangers - is nervous about possibly bumping into the ladies of The View.

I'm excited, don't get me wrong. A whirlwind 48 hours staying in a ritzy Manhattan hotel (hooray for Larry's Marriott points!) and spending the day with my mom. Getting all dolled up. And oh, receiving the Hope Award for Best Viral Video. It's been a slow day at work today and I've had a hard time concentrating because I am so excited. And I'm nervous too. It's getting down to the wire and I really need to write my acceptance speech.

But before I say anything tomorrow night:

Thank you - each and every one of you who read my blog, who watched my video, who forwarded it to their friends and colleagues and sisters and daughters and friends, who posted it to Facebook, your blog, Twitter, and all those corners of the internet.

I could have never won a Viral Video Award if it didn't go viral, and I have every single person who hit play to thank for that.

Thank you for watching, reading, advocating, sharing, and above all else:

Thanks for not giving up hope.

I'll be tweeting and prolly twitpic-ing my way through the event tomorrow, so make sure to follow @miriamshope for a little live-tweeting throughout the night. And if I meet any celebs, you better believe there will be pics! You can also check out other live-tweeters by following #nightofhope.

It's going to be a great night and even though I'm nervous, I can't wait. Wish me luck folks.

A little self-nourishment

Ironically enough, I'm writing this as I have a little post-lunch munchies. *reaches for a granola bar* (Baruch ata ", borei minei mezonot for those of you playing along at home.)

I got to work 20 minutes early this morning, after running out of time to finish getting ready before I left home an hour earlier. So I painted my nails a shiny hot pink - a bold and unexpected color choice for me... still not sure if I like it yet.

My hair was down for the first half of the day, washed, airdryed and combed. It now rests in a soft, loose ponytail rather than in a tightly-wound still wet from my morning shower bun or hair claw.

I'm wearing a very cute new navy blue carigan with flowers on the lapel, a new ruffled tank top, and new brown peep toe flats. I bought these randomly on Tuesday night because, well, I thought they were all cute and I wanted them.

For breakfast I at a hardboiled egg I had made before I went to bed. For lunch, leftover Japanese curry my husband made for dinner last night and a salad with homemade Asian vinaigrette (mirin, rice vinegar, light and hot sesame oils, soy sauce, and black sesame seeds). And rasberries and vanilla Greek yogurt.

Right now? 15 minutes to myself at work to just breathe, write this post, and maybe take 5 minutes to walk outside and get some fresh air.

Tonight: dinner with friends at a new restaurant nearby and then back to work for 2 hours for an RA program. I'm looking forward to my commute home much later this evening so I can listen to the second chapter of Stieg Larsson's The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Sunday: a haircut and style for $29 at a Newbury Street salon because my husband so thoughtfully passed on a Groupon deal to me and said, "You should buy this and treat yourself. You deserve it."

He's right: I do deserve it. Sometimes it's just good to be a little selfish, take a little me-time, and treat yourself once in a while. It's so easy to keep putting off that me time and say, "I don't have time for that now. I have more important things." Well, I'm important too. If I don't take this time, then it'll be gone before I know it.

I've been making more of a commitment to both eat healthier and save some money by bringing healthy, filling lunches from home. If it means taking 20 minutes the night before to put it together, it's worth it the next day when I feed myself good things and don't break the bank by ordering pizza again.

It's about nourishing myself: not just body, but spirit. I said to Larry last night how I felt weird about my new suburban routine: get up nearly 2 hours earlier than I used to, shower, get dressed, have an hour commute to work, work all day, hour commute home, take a little time for myself, eat dinner, make my lunch for the next day, clean the kitchen, straighten up, check the weatehr and lay out next day's clothes, relax for a bit, bed. Get up at 6:30am, lather, rinse, repeat.

So if I take a few minutes to primp myself (haven't gotten to full on makeup before work... still not THAT motivated) or finally start using our Audible credits and listening to audiobooks on my commute to/from work, or even splurge on a couple of new clothes and some nail polish - all of this just to break up this new monotony, well, there it is. I'm doin' it.

What on earth does this have to do with infertility?

Take 5 minutes for yourself. Paint your nails. Make yourself a nice lunch. Give yourself a foot soak in the tub and lotion your feet afterward. Buy that cute top. Get up from your desk at work and go for a 5 minute walk outside. Nourish yourself.

I'll say it again: nourish yourself. Savor the feeling of doing something good for yourself, even if it's just 5 minutes in a busy day or an hour in a busy week. We can get so bogged down in all the craziness of treatment and homestudies and lawyers and needles and dumb FB posts from friends and disappointment and blood tests and waiting and loss of control that well...

It's enough to drive you crazy.

So nourish yourself. Feed your spirit.

It'll be that spirit that carries you along the next step in your journey, that pulls you up from the dark places, that dusts off your shoulders and says, "Alright, let's do this."

Holy OMNOMNOM-ing

Welcome to another ICLW! I've been missing from the blogosphere recently and I thought that ICLW was just what I needed to get back into the virtual swing of things. Past ICLW intros can be found linked here, but to give you the quick rundown:

• I'm 28 with POF. Hoping to pursue domestic infant adoption with my husband Larry in the next 3-5 years.
• Just bought our first house! Also, had our first (hopefully only) fire. Homeownership is full of adventure, I'm quickly learning.
• Recently featured in Tablet Magazine last month for an article about infertility and reconciling Jewish faith.
• Getting awarded next Tuesday night in NYC at RESOLVE's Night of Hope Awards for Best Viral Video.

So there's the quick schpiel.

This has been a very contemplative start to the Jewish New Year for me. While I don't think our fire was any kind of punishment from G-d, it certainly was a wake-up call. The takeaway message I got from all of this: we have a new home. It's time to really start living Jewishly.

It's time to find a shul. It's time to really start observing Shabbos, perhaps rising to the call of the Sabbath Manifesto, as we were called to do at Yom Kippur services this year. It's a neat concept that Larry particularly finds intriguing that I could get behind too.

For me? On a more personal way of being Jewish? Sanctifying the ordinary, most basic everyday act: saying the blessings before food. If I won't keep kosher (because I'm sorry, bacon cheeseburgers and lobster are too delicious for a foodie to give up entirely) then I can at least make the act of eating holy.

I'll be honest. This is not easy; there isn't one catch-all blessing I can say. There's a blessing for bread (ha-motzi lechem min ha'aretz) but a different one for pasta and crackers (borey miney mezunot). And you say one blessing for grapes and wine (fruit of the vine), one for apples, pears and the like (fruit of the tree), and another entirely for most veggies and contradictingly enough, bananas (fruit of the earth).

But I do it because it forces me to give pause before I eat, to be thankful for daily sustenance, to sanctify the ordinary and to be mindful and take note of what I'm putting into my body. I've figured out that the more blessings I have to say, the more balanced my meal ^_^

And with that, it's time for lunch. Bon apetit and happy noshing.

Oh yeah: babies.

Photo via Flickr by Mike Locke.

So I've been a bit remiss in posting lately. Work has basically taken over my life as has everything with the house. Speaking of: we had an electrician in yesterday repairing all the fried wiring and Servpro comes out again tomorrow to begin their 5-day cleanup of the house from top to bottom.

I've gotten used to the commute but I do miss going home for lunch with my husband. The days feel a little longer now as a result. I haven't felt this positive about my job in a while but the hours are wearing on me a bit. Ah, the joys of going from non-exempt hourly to exempt salaried... suddenly I'm here all hours of the day and night because they don't have to pay me overtime. (I do get limited comp time.)

I've had so much going on that I've completely forgotten to shout and showcase some things... like my giveaway winners! (This weekend, I PROMISE!) And AFA, RESOLVE, and WEGO Health events here in Boston, an article where I was interviewed for Tablet Magazine last month, and the Night of Hope in less than 2 weeks. And oh yeah, didn't I start this blog because I wanted a baby and couldn't have one??

When you start writing checks for thousands of dollars for things UNrelated to artificial babymaking, it's interesting how your priorities shift. We basically had to make the decision this summer: do we buy a house or a baby right now? We chose to buy a house. Thus, saving up for adoption has been kicked back easily another two or three years. A year ago, I would have freaked out but now I'm in a place where I think I'm ok with this. Well, not that we have much of a choice: there's no money left to "buy" a baby if we could, adoption or otherwise.

This idea of building a family in general is strange to me: for fertile couples, it just kind of happens naturally, usually within a given time frame. Accidents and suprises happen. But for us, it's just another item on Life's To Do List and will fit within a prescribed timeline for us as soon as finances can come together. Our family building is entirely way more planned out than I think we would have ever wanted.

I miss this lack of spontaneity. I wish my life didn't feel so planned out.

But I don't miss being independent, a family of two, a homeowner. I haven't exactly been Miss Baby Fever lately. Don't get me wrong, I still ooh and ahh over my adorable little neice (um, because she's ridiculously cute!). I'm still very excited for friends who are building and expanding their own families. But for us? Right now?

Is it wrong that I'm more interested a sofa and chair than a crib and stroller? I'm just not on that whole BABYNOW vibe.

Ironically enough, Larry has expressed on multiple occasions recently he'd totally be happy to be a new dad right now. Awww... just typing that melts my heart. We've both apparently done a complete 180 from about 6 months ago. I want to enjoy being a family of two for a little while longer. Just watching my sister with her soon to be 3-month old exhausts me: am I really up for that? I wonder to myself. Sometimes I wonder if I'm up for the challenge entirely.

As I shared with someone last week, sometimes it's easier to turn down an opportunity entirely than to accept the opportunity and its responsibility because you run a greater risk of failure. It's a whole lot easier for me to say I don't want to parent than to parent and fail. I'm totally cognizant of all of this.

But it's affected the way I'm looking at my advocacy. Yes, lobbying for infertility awareness, research, and legislation is still important. But suddenly it's not in the spotlight anymore. Maybe it's just because I'm totally overworked as of late. Maybe it's because I'm don't have visions of baby-plum faeries dancing round my head right now. Maybe it's because secretly, I know it's easier to walk away before things get big than deal with the burden of responsibility later.

In any event, this blog is supposed to be about our family-building journey and it's on a bit of a hiatus right now. I'm not saying I'm taking a hiatus from this blog, but I'm wondering now if "infertility blog" is the most accurate descriptor at this point in time. Right now, it's just "life."

It's all just life: moving onward a day at a time, as we're left to marvel at its passing. Smack in the middle of the Days of Awe and with a rare fiery blessing extended to us, I'm left contemplative of this notion. It's a reflective melancholy as I take stock of what's important, so if this post is a bit of a downer, I apologize.

Got a lot of stuff on my mind lately, but oddly enough, that stuff doesn't include babies right now.

These Days of Awe

B'rosh hashanah yikatevun,
uv'yom tzom kippur yechatemun...

On Rosh HaShana it is Written, and on Yom Kippur it is Sealed...

This could have been our whole house.

I really wish this wasn't the first picture of my house that I was posting here. But at 3:40pm yesterday, as Larry and his parents and I were sitting outside grilling a late lunch, our smoke detector system started blaring. First one alarm on the second floor. Then another. Then all three on the third floor in rapid succession, the shrill sounds bouncing off of our hardwood floors and echoing through the house.

We had left the front and unit doors open. The grill was smoking heavily. Ah, the smoke must have gone up into the house, we all thought. I went inside and immediately knew something was very wrong. The hallway smelled like burning rubber.

On Rosh HaShana it is Written, and on Yom Kippur it is Sealed:
how many will pass from the earth and how many will be created;
who will live and who will die...

I immediately checked the kitchen: a smell, but less so. The stove was off. Dining room: stronger smell, but no candles were burning. I cut through the hallway and saw the smoke pouring from the light switch in the living room. I screamed down the stairs to Larry: "Something's actually on fire! I think it's the outlet in the living room!" I dialed 911.

...who by water and who by fire...

Mass State Police transferred me to the Salem Fire Department. My voice was calm. "My name is Keiko Zoll. I live at [address] in Salem. There is an electrical fire in the wall of our house. The fire is on the second floor inside the wall, there's a lot of smoke, no visible flames, and no one is injured."

"Ma'am, please stay on the line."

In the background I can hear Larry and his dad shouting over the din of the smoke alarms. "Dad, this is NOT good." "Cut the power in the breaker box!" The thunder of Larry's steps as he ran down the stairs outside and to the cellar, that acrid burnt electrical smell and white smoke wafting into the dining room. I'm staring out the french doors in the dining room, overlooking a century old cemetery just feet away from the back of our house.

"Ok ma'am, we're sending the Fire Department now."

I hear the police sirens first, followed by the deep blasting horn of the fire truck. The fire station is only three-quarters of a mile away.

...who by sword, who by beast, who by famine, who by thirst, who by storm, who by plague, who by strangulation, and who by stoning...

Larry had run back upstairs. I told him the fire department was on their way. He and his dad were doing something with the outlet on the wall. I shouted at them to stop and come outside, but they didn't listen. I couldn't deal with it all and went outside to wait for the fire truck.

Earlier in the day, Larry and his dad were working on moving an outlet into a closet. It's kind of a long story, but in order to wall mount our TV above the fireplace, we'd need to move an outlet to a closet just to the right of the hearth. Larry's parents were in town for the weekend, so it was a good father-son home improvement project and both Larry and his dad know what they're doing, so it was no big deal.

A police car arrived first and directed the fire truck to come the wrong way up our one-way street since it was so narrow. I sent them right upstairs. Firemen in full gear ran up into our house. I ran in after them when Larry didn't come down. Smoke was still filling the rooms, so I ran upstairs to the third floor and saw that there was smoke in all the upstairs bedrooms. I began opening skylights and hollering for Larry to come upstairs. When we saw how much smoke had gone upstairs, we both started to freak out. I started zipping all of our suitcases shut in the bedroom (we still haven't unpacked our clothes) so they wouldn't get anymore smoke damage. The linens on the bed were a lost cause. The smoke and that awful rubber smell started bothering me so much that I had to get out of the house. As I ran down the stairs, that's when I heard the axe.

The firemen began axing into the walls of our house.

...who will rest and who will wander, who will live in harmony and who will be harried, who will enjoy tranquility and who will suffer, who will be impoverished and who will be enriched, who will be degraded and who will be exalted...

Our neighbors lined the street. I got to meet our next door neighbor for the first time. My mother-in-law hugged me as I started to sob, the sounds of the axe growing louder and louder. I felt like the street was turning upside down from underneath my feet. "I have to get my inhaler," I managed to say between sobs. I got into my car and pulled out my little red lifesaver from the glove box. One puff and hold for a count of ten - my ears were buzzing as the kaleidoscope of color and sound around me overwhelmed my senses - I could feel my lungs expanding, normal breath restored.

I didn't know what to do next, so I did the only thing I could think of: I called my mom.

After assuring her that everyone was safe and choking back sobs (feeling almost ashamed that we hadn't even had the house more than 10 days and yet here we were calling the fire department because we'd nearly burned down our completely wooden historical home) my mom started filing in the "I should probably know this now that I'm a grown-up" gap for me: call the insurance company. Who was our home inspector? Did we need a hotel for the night? Should she send money?

I started to calm down. Things started to make a little more sense. I went back inside to check in on Larry.

...but repentance, prayer, and charity remove the severity of the Decree!

I couldn't believe what I was looking at: the ceiling and wall of our living room was axed in, debris all over the floor. The scorch marks were telling on the wall, and it wasn't until I took a flashlight to the ceiling beam that we saw just how bad it could have been: the ceiling beam was scorched black. Larry had called an electrician to come out and as we looked through the debris like CSI investigators, we could piece together that the fire wasn't because Larry or his dad did anything wrong that afternoon.

According to the Fire Chief, it was a matter of time before this would happen based on how the wires were fried. There were no flames (and thankfully, no water was needed to put it out) but a short circuit caused the wires to superheat and start scorching the wood inside the walls. When Larry went to check the breaker box with the electrician, the wire was fried right down to the breaker box. The issue is that the breaker failed to trip when it detected a short circuit. Moving the outlet in that room hadn't caused the issue, but merely brought it to light earlier. From the intensity of the char, it looks like the bulk of the fire was between the ceiling light and the light switch. Inside the outlet box, the wires were still in tact with no heat damage, so it wasn't anything they did to cause it.

In fact, the whole issue started when I noticed that the power wasn't on in the dining room after they had finished working. Larry went to turn the breaker back on since they were finished working on the electrical part and felt a strange hum before it kicked back on. That hum was the short. The breaker should have kicked back over but didn't. Thus: fire caused by faulty breaker. Maybe 3 minutes had passed after Larry switched the breaker back on and when the smoke detectors started going off. My calling 911 and Larry shutting off the breaker as quick as we did saved us from a lot more damage.

We got lucky, the Fire Chief told us. Had this been three in the morning instead of three in the afternoon, we probably would have died in our sleep from carbon monoxide poisoning.

. . .

Servpro is here now, taking pictures and measurements. Our clothing and linens will be sent to dry cleaners. They'll sponge out the scorch marks that came up through the 2nd floor ceiling and onto the walls and floor of the 3rd floor. They cleaned all the debris and sealed off the walls last night with plastic sheeting, and ran fans and deodorizers all night. The insurance adjuster will be here later today and the electrician back tomorrow.

As frightening as this experience was, as costly and time-consuming as replacement of walls and ceilings may be... it's just stuff. It's just things. It's just money.

I'd rather be here to tell you about this myself than be just another fire mortality statistic.

This Friday is Yom Kippur. These days between Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur are the holiest days of the year: the Days of Awe. As the Unetaneh Tokef prayer I've woven throughout this post illustrates (and is spoken on Rosh HaShanah), G-d writes down all of our fates for the year in the Book of Life.

"On Rosh HaShanah it is Written and on Yom Kippur it is Sealed."

Despite all the headache and stress that is forthcoming, we were extended a huge blessing yesterday.

These Days of Awe, indeed.

L'shana tova, 5771!

Photo by Ron Almog via Flickr.

Apples dipped in honey: the sweetest treat, savored as we welcome the new Jewish year. The calendar turns again. I have lived my whole life by the academic calendar, so as the wind picks up just the slightest chill, as the calendar flips from August into September, I can't help but think of school supplies and apples with honey.

The sweetness of beginnings.

We are moved into our new house- not settled as there are boxes everywhere- but moved in, keys in hand, mezuzah affixed. It was a rough closing day (details in another post), but in the end, it's our house. OUR house! It still feels strange to say. Even though we moved in just this past Friday, it still feels a bit like a foreign place. Bit by bit, we'll start to make it feel like home.

In these few hours as 5770 winds to a close, I am thankful and grateful for the year of abundance we have been granted: Larry's job, my raise, our house, our amazing trip to Japan last October, my niece... when 5769 rained nothing but heartache and pain on us, 5770 showered us with blessings.

As we approach a new year, as we stand here facing 5771, this is the year of responsibility and committment. We owe it to the abundant grace of this past year.

Tonight we celebrate the new year with friends. I've got 2 loaves of challah in my car ready to bring over and from there we head to services. I bought myself a red cardigan for the occasion: red, the color of apples, pomegranates, fertility, joy.

Tomorrow: services with friends, then a trip to IKEA, as we desperately need a kitchen cart to provide more counterspace. We are loving our home. I'm covered in bumps and bruises as I get used to new bannisters, corners, and layouts. I'm a little exhausted from not sleeping that great: I never sleep well in new environments. I'm intrigued to learn more about the original owner of the home from 1846, whose presence is still very much in these walls and halls.

I want to fill this house with things, yes, but I want to fill this house with memories more.

I am truly humbled entering into this new year. We're super excited to own our own home. It is an increasingly rarer priviledge in this day and age, so I am constantly thankful and grateful for this blessing. I'm still getting used to the idea that this house is actually ours.

This home. It's not just a house.

Home sweet home.

And a sweet New Year to you all.

L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem.

As a new chapter begins in our lives, may you each be inscribed and sealed for another year.

A September Return

Photo by Andreanna Moya Photography via Flickr.

...And I'm back folks. Did you miss me? Here, follow me past the cut to see what I've been up to the last month.

Our freshmen are moved in. Our returning students come back this weekend. The wheel of the academic year turns again. Every August, I go into hibernation - my online and IRL social lives take a complete backseat to my work. Since August 10th, my days have looked something like this:

7:00am - Wake up, shower.
7:30am - Leave for work. Take a new route nearly every day based on my GPS w/traffic reports.
8:30am - Arrive at work. Briefly check email and inhale breakfast.
9:00am - RD or RA Training Sessions. Squeeze in lunch at noon if I can.
5:00pm - Dinner.
6:00pm - Late night training sessions or staying late to finish more work for hall opening.
7:30pm - Leave for "home."
8:00pm - Get home, change, snack or eat dinner, watch a little TV or nap.
10:30pm - Bed.

Lather, rinse, repeat. I've worked every day since August 22, including weekends. Tomorrow will be my first day off since then. To say I'm exhausted is a bit of an understatement... but you know what? I'm really proud of the work I've put into training this year, and really happy with what I'm doing. For the first time since moving to Massachusetts, I'm in a really good place in my career. It's weird to say career - this isn't a just job anymore.

. . .

Tonight is the last night we are staying with wonderfully generous friends of ours in Peabody. They have been gracious enough to take in our hobo selves since August 15th. It's nearly 1:30am, and despite working a 12 hour day today, I can't sleep. I'm unusually hyper.

I'm reminded of Christmas Eve.

...Tomorrow, we close on our house at 1pm.

After two extensions and literally acres of paperwork emailed, faxed, and hand-delivered... we are a go for tomorrow. I can't believe we're less than 12 hours away from being homeowners! No wonder I can't sleep. I'm just so damn excited.

. . .

I took a very long shower this evening. A between the toes, behind the ears, shampoo AND conditioner kind of shower. I was reminded of just a few years ago, this same kind of shower as I prepared for my conversion mikveh. As strange as it might sound, immersion in the ritual bath requires the person to wash every square inch of skin, every strand of hair - it's part of the act of ritual purification.

I'm not a long shower taker. I've got it down to a routine: shampoo, body wash, face wash. Sometimes brushing my teeth gets thrown in there. But I'm in and out of the shower in about 15 minutes, tops. So when I take these longer showers, it's because I like that time to just relax and have me time. I think - a lot.

Sometimes it's me and G-d time. Like that moment before the mikveh.

I find that before I take a next big step in my life, before I dip my toes into these rushing waters of life - it's just me, the running water on my face and hair, silence, and G-d: humbled, naked, and restored.

. . .

Regular posts next week. Lots more stuff to talk about. Winners of the giveaway announced next week. Hurricane's a-comin' - not sure yet what's in store for Salem. And this time tomorrow, I'll be in our house.

It's good to be back.

MA Infertility Mandate Update Signed Into Law!

Gov. Deval Patrick signs the Infertility Mandate updates
into law on August 10, 2010. (Photo courtesy of Davina Fankhauser.)

A little late on posting about this, but a major victory was achieved in Massachusetts last Tuesday, August 10: Governor Deval Patrick signed MA S. 2585 into law. The infertility mandate language updates of S. 485 were folded into a broader healthcare bill that had both State House and Senate unanimously supported, and now the Governor has sealed the deal. The new law will go into effect 90 days from the date of signing. More details about the law and general updates on my life after the cut.

It was tense for a solid week between the passage of the bill at the State House and whether or not Gov. Patrick would sign it; it was assumed he would, but there was no guarantee and there was a tight turnaround form the last day of legislative session here in MA and the last date he could actually sign the bill. But at the eleventh hour, Gov. Patrick came through. It was one of the moments where I was really proud to be a constituent in a state where not only my concerns (and those of hundreds of others) were really heard but where our administration supports family-friendly, progressive healthcare legislation.

I have to give HUGE thanks to Davina Fankhauser and the wonderful women at RESOLVE of New England who lobbied to make this a reality, and of course to all my friends and readers and followers who contacted their legislators here in the Bay State. Nice work everyone :)

That being said... our work is not yet done. As great of a victory as getting the IF Mandate updates into law, Rebecca Lubens, Executive Director of RESOLVE of New England was quick to share two alarming pieces in the Boston Globe that ran last week. The first was an op-ed piece that was against the insurance mandate healthcare bill that Gov. Patrick just signed into law. As usual, infertility treatments were thrown under the bus as expensive, elective treatment that drives up the cost of healthcare for everyone. It's the same old (and largely incorrect) argument that our community hears all the time.

The second op-ed article specifically addressed the use of ICSI in infertility treatments, and tread dangerously close to promoting eugenics. Again, it cast a general sense that couples with IF are selfish in their desires to have children.

We may have won some victories at the MA State House, but we have a helluva battle against the media. Infertility has been assaulted by the media lately; they love to pick on us as their favorite target. We need to not only lobby our legislators, but our media outlets as well... because if we can't make a dent in this anti-infertility mediated culture war, we are going to be swallowed whole.

---

Still living between homes and up to my eyeballs in stuff with work. But, Larry put it best last night: "You seem really happy." And it's true- my job satisfaction is pretty damn high, which is a nice change. I'm feeling great about heading into this academic year. As for the house, we're supposed to close next Friday, and all of the powers that be that make this closing happen are optimistic that we will in fact close on that date. I'm practically salivating at the chance to get our stuff out of storage and into the house. Lol, it's been too long since I've seen those beautiful wide-plank pine floors :) Also, I discovered Restoration Hardware last night. That store will be my downfall... I want to furnish the entire house in nothing but their ungodly/insanely expensive furniture! (Realistically, this will never happen. I think I'll get, at most, these pillows.)

PS- there's still 2 weeks left to enter my Big IF Bloggy Giveaway!

In transition

I'm sitting here in the parking lot of the U-Haul store, waiting to be picked up, the short straw in an unfortunate shell game of 1 car, 3 people, and only 2 seats in said car.

All of our worldly possessions, save for a few suitcases and some miscellany, are packed away in a storage facility 20 miles from here. I'm feeling rather vulnerable being so far from our stuff.

I mean, it's just stuff. But it's ALL of our stuff. This feeling of transience does not sit well with me, being in limbo and knowing we are so close to closing on the house. We have infinitely wonderful friends: friends that helped us pack, load and unload the truck, and of course those who are letting us crash with them.

We had to be out today. And closing is so close we can taste it. But right now, it's a very strange feeling to be unable to truly call one place "home."



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Packing Up

Just  a smattering of our stuff.

It's a weird thing- moving. On one hand, it's a great opportunity to finally purge the junk. It's awesome to be moving (eventually, details after the cut) into our first house. But even though we are moving onto bigger and more exciting things and I am over the moon to finally be moving out of student housing...

This whole moving thing makes me sad.

It's weird packing up your life, reflecting on the things about which you've forgotten, fiercely protective of those little knick knacks that mean nothing to anyone else but you, happy to be rid of cluttered frustrations. It's hard too, because we associated this particular living situation with such a range of emotions. When we moved in, we saw this as a chance at stability, after moving 4 times in the 14 months prior. Six months later, my husband was laid off and I found out I was infertile. It's only since January that things have finally started swinging back up on this pendulum. We've lived here nearly two years to the day.

There's a lot more than just pots, pans, and books packed into these boxes.

Nostalgia, noun. From the Greek nostos meaning "returning home" and algos meaning "ache, pain."

As we pack up and reminisce, waxing nostalgic, we feel those aches, those memories we turn over in our minds and surfacing in our hearts.

. . .

We were supposed to close this Thursday. Sadly, FHA is taking a long time to approve the property. We as buyers have been approved for the FHA loan, but they have to actually approve the condo itself, which apparently takes a while. We have to be out of our current apartment on Sunday. We're putting 98% of our stuff into storage and have wondrously generous friends with an extra bedroom who are letting us stay with them until we close. We are optimistic to close sometime by the end of August and moving into the house by September.

This all of course is happening during the busiest time of the year for me at work. It's a little nerve-wracking. That being said, I will most likely be MIA from the blogosphere for much of the month. Between moving twice, adjusting to a commute for the first time in 3 years, and working 60 hour weeks, I'm not sure that I'm going to be lil' Miss Social Media & Blogging. That's why I'm not doing ICLW this month... I just won't be able to keep up.

In the interim, I do have my first Big IF Bloggy Giveaway happening all month! Check out the turquoise blue badge up on the right sidebar for more info. Entries can be submitted up until August 31, so enter today! Lots of great stuff up for grabs.

. . .

So there you have it. Moving is happening, whether I'm really ready for it or not. I'll be MIA - Missing in August. And the Big IF Bloggy Giveaway. Ciao, folks. I'll check in when I can.

My First Big Giveaway!

We've hit 200 posts, 200 followers, and 200 likes on Facebook. I think it's time for that long-promised giveaway! I'll be giving away five- yes, you read that right- five items for this giveaway! This is my way of saying thank you for sharing my work out there and being advocates in your own ways. I keep writing and doing this for y'all, so... thanks everyone. You all rock my socks ^_^

Kristen Magnacca, author of Love and Infertility: Survival Strategies for Balancing Infertility, Marriage, and Life, has generously offered one copy of her CD version of her book for this giveaway. Love and Infertility was honored with RESOLVE's inaugural Hope Award for Best Book last year at their Night of Hope. Her book is a wonderful resource to infertile couples, as described on her website:

Love and Infertility focuses on the importance of sharing and communicating so that a couple can move successfully through infertility without the stress of becoming all-encompassing and overwhelming. With honest humor and candid personal accounts, Kristen reveals tips, exercises, and rare bits of wisdom to guide couples through the hardships of infertility.

Joanne and Susan, the fabulous ladies behind Circle+Bloom, have generously donated one program of the winner's choice from their website! I personally have used their Energy for Empowerment program and I can't praise their products highly enough. From Joanne's soothing voice to the soul-stirring sense of body empowerment, Circle+Bloom is really the first product of its kind that specifically compliments each phase of a woman's cycle, whether she's trying to conceive naturally or through IVF/IUI, or simply trying to maintain a healthy pregnancy. Circle+Bloom is a truly innovative resource for all stages of your journey with a long list of testimonials to back it up, including:

“Circle+Bloom is a very important tool in the fertility kit. The Circle+Bloom audio mind-body program perfectly provides the support I need each day of my fertility journey. The audio meditations and visualizations so well-researched and well-crafted that I recommend it to every friend trying to conceive.” - Donna, via email.

Find out what three other goodies I'll have in this giveaway and how you can enter behind the cut!

Five (5) Fabulous Prizes Up For Grabs

1. Love and Infertility CD

2. Circle+Bloom Program of Your Choice

3. A pair of my handmade pomegranate earrings that I made for 200th Facebook follower, SomedayBabyT:

4. One very gently read copy of The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis. If you're exploring Traditional Chinese Medicine as an avenue in your journey, this is THE book:

5. A 15"x15" unframed print of Tranquility by artist Alida Saxon, as featured in my June ICLW intro post:

How to Enter
There are ten (10) possible ways you can enter to increase your chances of winning, as described below:

+ 1 entry = Leave a comment on this post. You may comment as many times as you like, but only your first comment will count for a total of 1 entry.

+ 1 entry = Post the following tweet: "I've entered to win some neat prizes @miriamshope's first giveaway, have you? Details here: http://bit.ly/9r6aup" You may retweet as many times as you like, but only your first tweet will count for a total of 1 entry.

+ 1 entry = Leave a comment on the Giveaway thread at my Facebook page. You may comment as many times as you like, but only your first comment will count for a total of 1 entry.

+ 1 entry = Become a follower of this blog. If you already are a follower of this blog, please mention that in your comment to this post with however your follower name is displayed.

+ 1 entry = Become a follower of my Facebook page. If you already are a follower of my FB page, please mention that in your comment to the Giveaway thread on my FB page.

+ 1 entry = Follow me on Twitter @miriamshope. If you already follow me on Twitter, please mention that in your comment to this post with your Twitter handle.

+ 4 entries = Write a blog post about this giveaway. That's right, this will earn you multiple entries! Your post must include my name (Keiko Zoll), my blog title (Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed) and a link to this post (http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-first-big-giveaway.html). Once you post it, you can comment here, tweet me, or leave a comment on my FB page with a link to your post.

Deadline to Enter
All entries must be received by 11:59pm EDT on Tuesday, August 31, 2010. That means all your tweets, comments, blog posts, and follower statuses must be made by that time. Five (5) individual and separate winners will be selected at random using Random.org sometime between September 1 and September 5, 2010. That means, once a winner has been picked for one prize, their name will be removed from selection of all other subsequent prizes. (I wanna spread the love here.) Winners will be announced on my blog sometime the week of September 6, 2010.

Good luck!

Is it October 20th yet?

Photo by Shrie L. Spangler via Flickr.

Um, what happened to July? When did it get to be August THIRD?!

As I've mentioned before, I work in higher education. (I have never mentioned where I work, but a quick Google search will give you the answer.) August is like our D-Day, our launch time, our craziest busiest time of the year. Freshman assignments go out. I have staff training, both professional and student staff, every day from next Monday until August 30. Our residence halls open for first-year students on September 1. We go from Orientation right into the start of classes and then my super huge 6-week long span of first year experience programs (dreamed up and organized by yours truly). There is basically a program happening every weekday night for the first six weeks of the semester for all of our first-year residents.With my promotion, creating an FYE (first-year experience) program fell onto my lap, and I'm pretty proud of what we've got lined up.

When I look at my calendar, however, I kind of want to throw up a little. Oh, and then there's that whole "buying a house" thing right in the middle of all of this.

Speaking of buying a house... looks like we're not going to be able to close next Thursday. No one's fault and nothing's really wrong, it's just that FHA takes a while to process things. We knew we'd be cutting it close, and it looks like we're just not going to make it in time. We're all set for the FHA loan approval and the bank underwriting of the loan. The issue is getting the actual property approved by the FHA. It requires a TON of information and paperwork, all of which our realtor, lawyer, and mortgage company have been furiously compiling. It's just frustrating knowing that there's nothing else we can do but wait.

Our deadline to be out of our current university-provided housing is still August 15th. You can see why I might be freaking out just a smidge. We've made back up arrangements to store our stuff and live with some friends for hopefully no more than a couple of weeks. What's making me nervous is that this is in the middle of the craziest part of the year for me (and it's not like I can even take Labor Day weekend to relax. Our office will be open for returning student move in.)

Don't forget to throw in the High Holidays (Rosh Hashanah is Sept. 8th and Yom Kippur is Sept. 18th), Larry's installation (he's an officer in the Masons), Night of Hope on Sept. 28th, and gearing up for RESOLVE of New England's Annual Conference in November (which I'm sure planning will ramp up in October)...

Oh! And having a social life and other things I'd like to do in my personal life, such as:

+ my first giveaway here at the blog (details this week);
+ starting up a fundraiser for RESOLVE of New England by selling some handmade jewelry which requires me to...
+ ...make the above mentioned jewelry;
+ start writing for Fertility Authority;
+ possibly start writing for Health Central;
+ catch up on the dozen or so half-written drafts of posts I have hanging around;
+ transcribe the dozen or more journals I found this weekend from my childhood, including my first diary at age 7 and the meatier, juicier tidbits from all of my high school journals.

I'm exhausted just typing all of this. And somehow, we'd like to squeeze in a vacation somewhere in there. When did my calendar decide to suddenly implode?

When advocacy pays off

Photo by Keiko Zoll.

...it feels GREAT.

It's a great morning for Massachusetts. At the eleventh hour on the last day of legislative session, the Massachusetts infertility mandate update was passed favorably out of committee, and then passed the House and Senate! All we need now is Governor Patrick's signature and the update becomes law; there is no reason he wouldn't and he is expected to do so. We did it! The Massachusetts infertility mandate has not only been preserved, but updated to provide even broader standards of coverage that will help thousands of women in this state.

The updates to the law will be as follows:

"...Of the General Laws, as appearing in the 2008 Official Edition, is hereby amended by striking out the last sentence and inserting in place thereof the following 2 sentences:- For purposes of this section, ‘infertility’ shall mean the condition of an individual who is unable to conceive or produce conception during a period of 1 year if the female is age 35 or younger or during a period of 6 months if the female is over the age of 35. For purposes of meeting the criteria for infertility in this section, if a person conceives but is unable to carry that pregnancy to live birth, the period of time she attempted to conceive prior to achieving that pregnancy shall be included in the calculation of the 1 year or 6 month period, as applicable."

The loophole of continual denial of coverage for women over 35 who experience recurrent miscarriage will be closed. The Massachusetts infertility mandate, which leads the nation in its coverage, will now finally be in line with current ASRM guidelines and standards.

It took more than just our legislators to make this happen: it's folks like us all over the state who wrote emails, letters, and called their legislators. It's amazingly tireless women like Davina Fankhauser, RESOLVE of New England's Advocacy Director, who met with legislators and lobbied at the State House, who knows MA law inside and out. It's women like RESOLVE of New England's Advocacy Committee (Lee Collins, Sandy O’Keefe, Terri Davidson, and Amy Demma) who kept our members in the loop and prompted us when our action as constituents was needed. It's the friends of mine who had connections to folks on the Senate Ways and Means Committee and in the State House (shout outs to Claire and Deirdre!). And it's everyone who spread the word through Twitter, Facebook, and their blogs. Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that helped this important piece of legislation makes it way into law!

Change can happen when we come together as a community. And damn if it doesn't feel awesome when we do.

If

This Saturday's Torah portion is Eikev. It translates roughly to to "if." Moses continues his last sermon? speech? lesson? I'm not really sure how it's defined. But essentially, it's his last schpiel before the Israelites finally cross over into the Promised Land. Their wandering is drawing to an end.

Pictured left to right: Larry's mom, Larry's sister,
Nan, Larry. Taken at Nan's 90th birthday last year.

Eikev takes on a special significance; it's been a complete Jewish lunar year since Larry's Nan passed away. This Sunday is her grave unveiling. This is a Jewish custom that varies by community; a tombstone is prepared and laid, but it remains covered for a year. It marks the "last" phase of formal Jewish mourning: yahrzeit. (I put last in quotes because we never really stop mourning.) The first two phases are shiva, the first seven days, and then shloshim, the next 30 days. Yahrzeit marks the anniversary. While Nan is always remembered in our hearts every day, we remember her especially on her yahrzeit: a special candle is lit in her memory that burns for 24 hours.

I have always been drawn to the marking of time in Judaism, rather, more specifically: the sanctification of time, how every moment in our lives is sacred, blessed. Because you never know when things can change in a moment, how a life can be hinged upon a single word: ...If.

Mel over at Stirrup Queens had an absolutely haunting post on Monday. Quick summary: she and her entire family could have all been killed in a single moment on the highway in Pennsylvania, caught in those crazy storms that swept through the mid-Atlantic region last weekend. All that separated her family and the inevitable were just a few fractions of a second.

...If.

Those same storms roared through College Park, Maryland. Right over the neighborhood we lived in for three years. Less than a mile from our first apartment, a former colleague of mine from the University of Maryland was killed in those storms. A massive tree fell on her car, killing her instantly. She is being laid to rest tomorrow.

Michelle Humanick was 44, wife and mother of two. I had always respected and admired her graphic design work in the department; I respected her even more when she left the University to spend more time with her family. I only learned through news reports they had adopted their two daughters, their youngest less than a year ago. For some reason, maybe because we hope to be adoptive parents ourselves one day, this just made me so much sadder to hear.

...If.

This weekend is not all death and endings. Tonight we head to my sister's so that I can see Willow for the first time since she was born. It's amazing how much she's grown in a month. More astonishing is the general idea of how much a human body will grow and develop in that time- the body is a wonder, indeed. I am digging this whole Auntie thing.

Close friends of ours have officially announced to the world that they are expecting their second child. We've known for a few weeks now and we are still just as overjoyed for them. She's due in March and we are already excited to get to meet the newest addition to their family.

We're 99% of the way there on the house. The purchase and sale agreement has been completed. We've been approved for the FHA loan. The bank intends to underwrite said loan. Now we're just waiting on some complicated paperwork from the sellers. It's the last hurdle between us and closing on August 12. I am really hoping we make it to closing, otherwise we're going to have to put everything in storage and sleep on some couches. This mortgage/loan thing is driving me nuts. As Larry puts it, it's like the Tuesday before the wedding on Saturday: all you can do is wait.

And so we wait.

. . .

Life, death, and these moments of holiness and santification where we can find them. Each moment hinged upon branches of possibility, pinned only in place by one single little word: if. And these ifs, ticking away like sacred seconds.

If. If. If.

The Versatile Blogger Award

I've reached 200 posts here at the blog. I just received 200 followers to my Facebook page this week. Facebook follower SomedayBabyT is the lucky recipient of these snazzy pomegranate earrings* I made for her as a way to say thank you. And now I'm just a dozen short of 200 followers to this blog. How awesome would it be if I could hit all three within the same week-long span? If you've been a long time reader but haven't hit the Follow button on the right sidebar, please do. You can also click right here to follow my blog directly. Once I hit 200 followers to my blog, I'll host my first official giveaway!

*PS... these are a preview of more crafty things to come...

In other news... I've been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award! It's the latest award making the rounds through the blogosphere right now and I received it from both Sonja and the Infertility Doula! Thanks ladies: I'm touched and honored that you both thought of me!

Sonja rocks. Sonja's blog rocks; it's where Buddhism, endo, and hysterectomy meet in the middle. And her adorable cat and her deep and abiding love for Tom Petty. It's always a good read. Right now she's helping out with an online auction to help benefit a fellow endo sister who doesn't have insurance but needs a hysterectomy. Check out her blog for more info on how you can help.

The Infertility Doula is a new blogger to the ALI scene, but she's got a lot of great material to share. She says it best herself: " I’m finally on the other side of this journey but this experience changed me for life. Now I’m here to help." She has a wealth of great posts, so head on over and check our her stuff!

Here's how the Versatile Blogger Award works:

1. Thank and talk about whoever gave you the award.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself.
3. Give this award to 7 other bloggers who you think rock!

Find out my 7 facts and the 7 bloggers I awarded.

7 Facts About Me
1. I have a love/hate relationship with my long hair. I like how it looks when it's done, but I hate doing my hair.

2. I have a new appreciation for spiders and Louise Bourgeois' work. After several days of run-ins with spiders wherever I went the last few weeks, I took it as a sign. Spiders are symbols of creativity, resourcefulness, and of all things, keepers of the homes they weave. I thought them a fitting symbol and good omen for our pending home purchase.

3. I hate cilantro with a violent passion. Needless to say, I am not a fan of most Mexican food.

4. I went as a Guitar Hero- complete with Wii guitar- to a "Heros & Villains" Purim party. Did I mention that it was in downtown Boston and I carried the guitar strapped to my back the whole T ride?

5. I have a picture blog called Garden Snoop. I take pictures of flowers everywhere I go. I collect them.

6. I love horror movies. Love them! My favorites are spooky thrillers without much SFX, like Paranormal Activity, the Blair Witch Project, and Them. I also love all things ghost stories and hauntings.

7. When I was a very little kid, I used to play school. I would set up my stuffed animals like a classroom, and used my large format children's books as desks for each of them. I even set pencils in the spines and wrote on a chalkboard for them. I was a dork from a very young age.

The Versatile Blogger Award Goes to the Following 7 Bloggers that I've pulled from my Twitter feed (in no particular order):

1. Mrs. Tiye from The Broken Brown Egg: The more I get to read her blog and get to know her online, the more she rocks. She's working with two forms of silence: being black and being infertile. Her writing and work for BBE is good stuff, working to end racial disparity in infertility treatment and care.

2. PCOS Chick from His and Hers Infertility: Struggling with both male and female-factor IF, PCOS Chick keeps busy at her blog and will be adopting from Columbia. Lots of other exciting things at her blog so go swing by!

3. Lisa from Waiting Lisa: Lisa has been through a lot in the last couple of months. Their adoption journey has hit some serious bumps in the road recently, and honestly, the Universe could just show her some love right now. Won't you do the same?

4. Lisa from Your Great Life: Lisa is a fertility coach based in the UK. Her blog is a great resource to everyone dealing with IF, and her posts are always inspiring. Check her out!

5. Suzy from Not A Fertile Myrtle: Suzy is an absolute sweetheart. From her crafts to her Perfect Moment Mondays, her blog is always a refreshing read. A fellow 200th-post blogger, she's got a lot to say and share, so go read what's she's said and shared lately!

6. Andrea from Waiting for Baby: Andrea always lights up my Twitter feed. She has recently posted a great question and answer post where you can find out all sorts of things about her, so go swing by and learn something new about her.

7. Jen from This is More Personal: Jen and I tweet back and forth a lot. She's a wonderful blogger, and her IF journey has been a rough one. She recently got a BFN and could use some love. She just took a big step and came out of the IF closet- go cheer her along!

Ok... I couldn't pick just 7, so here are 3 more!

8. Shorty from Shorty's Adventure: A fellow Jewish blogger, Shorty has recently been wrestling the feasibility of adoption given halakha (Jewish law). Her blog is a fascinating read. Go do yourself a mitzvah and stop by.

9. Holly from Ready to Be Mom: Holly is one awesome, strong woman. She's been through a lot; their first IVF in March resulted in a loss at 8 weeks. She's now in the 2ww during their first FET since the loss. Help take her mind off the wait, won't you?

10. Jenny from What the Blog: Jenn has received a crazy trifold blessing: after some intense fertility treatments, Jenny is pregnant with triplets! She's participating in Project 365, so you can find a new photo she's taken every single day. Her blog is a great read with lots of wonderful photos - go check them out!

Now, what are you doin' still hangin' around here? Go check out these lovely ladies' blogs!

A Belly Full of Fire, Part Five: Millions of voices calling for change

This is the fifth and final post of my five-part series on infertility advocacy. Catch up on Part One: Advocate or Abdicate, Part Two: The Wounded Healer, Part Three: Which Direction Do We Swim?, and Part Four: In a Perfect World.

PS: I'm also just over a dozen people shy of 200 followers to this blog. Once I hit 200, I'll do my first giveaway! Click here to follow my blog.

---

"We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change."
- Barack Obama (NH Primary Concession Speech, 2008)

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
- Maria Robinson

---

A Belly Full of Fire, Part Five: Millions of voices calling for change

You've felt the fire burning in your belly. You've taken the pledge. You've seen how advocacy can be a source of healing. You've considered the possibility of being a part of a movement, whether you're the lone nut or the first follower. And for a few moments, you could picture why all this hard work is totally worth it.

So... now what?

Reader StolenEggs (aka Fox in the Henhouse) made a great comment on Monday's post about up/downstream approaches to advocacy:

But I wonder how many people are actually a little like deer caught in headlights wondering, "Which way do I go?" In the end they are neither upstream nor down because they are frozen due to the sheer enormity of the situation.

I can totally respect that: Rome wasn't built in a day, throwing starfish back into the sea and all that. Raising awareness and advocating for infertility isn't something you can successfully accomplish in one day. Hell, it might not even be something we can successfully accomplish in a lifetime... but we can try.

My hope is that this series has stirred something within you, inspired you, fueled that fire in your belly. I can't tell you exactly how you can advocate for infertility: everyone finds their own path. Only you know how comfortable you are, what boundaries you are willing to push within yourself, how far you are willing to go.

...but of course I'm not going to abandon you after four posts and leave you with "Go west, young advocate!" I can give you a little nudge on some brainstorming. But the rest is up to you.

Like the post about upstream/downstream work, there's a lot you can do on both the small and larger scales, and even in between. It all depends on your comfort level and time commitment- and those of course can be fluid and change over time. Here are some ideas to get you started with becoming your own infertility advocate:

From the comfort of your living room, you can...

+ Utilize social media: Your blog, Twitter, Facebook... a lot of you are already doing this. Get your message out there. Keep it fresh, unique, engaging. Build readership and followership. Get yourself on blogrolls. Network. Check out my blogroll on the sidebar, or Mel's massive ALI blogroll over at Stirrup Queens to get started. If you're in New England, consider joining the New England Infertility Blogger Network.

+ Visit RESOLVE's website: Recently updated and full of resources. Go explore it and see what it has to offer, whether it's the Pledge, the Center for Infertility Justice, or Project IF - there are lots of great resources for you to get started on a national level in a "from the comfort of your own home" way.

+ Write letters to your legislators: Emailing is great, phone calls are nice too, but when legislators have to actually open a mailed letter, there's a greater chance your words will actually be seen by said legislator. For the cost of a postage stamp (lol, I sound like Sally Struthers) you too can advocate for infertility awareness. This is especially important for states with mandated coverage or those who have pending legislation that threatens or supports infertility causes.

+ Email your friends, family, colleagues: A bit more daring, but just as effective. Tell them what you're going through. Ask for their support, whether emotionally or financially. I am still inspired by Willow at Write, Baby, Repeat, who wrote to her two cousins in April asking them if they'd be willing to donate their eggs. Talk about putting yourself out there. Even though they ultimately said no, what an act of bravery, of awareness building. A request like that doesn't stay locked in the corners of your brain- I'm sure her cousins will be much more sensitive, compassionate people for it. Even in such a small dynamic as one family, awareness is raised and advocacy happens. You have to start somewhere, right? And the ripples will spread out from there... her best friend agreed to donate her eggs two months later.

+ Donate money for infertility awareness/advocacy: I know it's hard to donate in a down economy. We've got a looming first-home purchase hanging over our heads, but I still try to find even a couple of bucks to throw to my important causes. I do it because I figure if I put enough good out into the Universe maybe it'll throw a little back at me. Also, check with your employer to see if they do employee matching for charitable donations. Tada! Double your contribution. Some organizations I'll pitch for your donation: RESOLVE, RESOLVE of New England, Parenthood For Me, and Rachel's Well.

+ Become an "armchair" philanthropist: Take it one step further... Try organizing your own fundraiser via your blog or FB or email. Set a goal. Set a timeline. Ask for donations. Maybe build in some incentives. Even if you only get $10 that's $10 more than you started with and $10 toward an important cause. Success isn't necessarily measured in the amount of what you can raise doing something like this but in the fact that you raised anything at all. Or join a fundraiser already in progress, like reader Sonja has for the A.M.S. Endometriosis Foundation Online Auction. Or how Busted Kate helped a grieving family with DuckFest. Or how Parenthood For Me started her own non-profit that gives grants for adoptive couples! Or how Mrs. Tiye over at Broken Brown Egg is helping to raise awareness about how infertility impacts the African-American community at her first A.H.A. Gala For Infertility Awareness in Chicago in September.

There are lots of bloggers out there who are finding ways to raise awareness, raise funds, and advocate for change. These are just the few I could think off the top of my head, but if you're a reader here and I've missed the amazing advocacy work you're doing such as fundraisers and other things, leave a comment and share with everyone else!

Lastly, I want to talk about Obama's quote above. (I try to keep my politics out of this blog aside from legislative advocacy as it relates to infertility and women's health.) I was WAY late on the will.i.am "Yes We Can" bandwagon, but when I first heard it, it moved me to tears. What's even more amazing is that the lyrics come directly from his concession speech from the New Hampshire primaries, when he lost to Hilary Clinton. It was a pretty big loss, but here we are, addressing him as Mr. President rather than Mr. Senator. I have always found this quote inspiring: even when he was knocked down, Obama still mustered up the strength to keep going. It's a lesson for life.

After 6,350 words devoted to infertility advocacy in this series, it all boils down to this:

---

1. If we don't advocate for infertility awareness for ourselves, no one will do it for us. We need to step up to the plate as a community.

2. Advocacy serves as a proactive way to heal old wounds and regain a sense of control with a disease that seems to rob so much control from us.

3. Find a way to advocate in a way that feels comfortable to you. Fuel that fire in your belly. Then, when you're ready, push yourself one step further.

4. Remember that infertility advocacy is not a lost cause. Do this for yourself. Do it for your partner. Do it for the 7.3 million people in this country. Do it because it matters and for what all the possibilities of successful advocacy could be. Have hope.

5. Start your advocacy today, from the comfort of your own living room. Just do something and start right now. Commit to change. Be the change, as Gandhi would say.

---

The time for silence surrounding infertility is over. The time for a positive, open dialogue is long overdue. The time has come for a million voices calling for change.

Will you be one of them?

Photo by Abe Novy via Flickr.

A Belly Full of Fire, Part Four: In a Perfect World

This is the fourth post of my five-part series on infertility advocacy. Catch up on Part One: Advocate or Abdicate, Part Two: The Wounded Healer, and Part Three: Which Direction Do We Swim?.

---

The lights go on the lights go off
When things don't feel right
I lie down like a tired dog
licking his wounds in the shade.

When I feel alive
I try to imagine a careless life,
a scenic world where the sunsets are all
breathtaking...

-Beirut, A Scenic World

---

A Belly Full of Fire, Part Four: In a Perfect World

This is one of my favorite songs I've been playing over and over again on my iPhone. I only discovered Beirut last year ago and I'm in love. What on earth does this quirky little indie tune have to do with infertility advocacy?

Let's play a game - Imagine. Let's imagine our careless life, our scenic world.

In a perfect world,
what would the fruits of infertility advocacy look like?

---

In a perfect world, we could all afford infertility treatments.

Better yet, they wouldn't cost a penny out of pocket. But if treatments still cost money, there would be state and federal grant programs for infertile couples; treatments could be counted as deductions on our taxes. And all insurers in all states would be required to cover treatments that fall within the latest medical guidelines. In a perfect world, infertility treatment would be regarded as a proactive health approach as opposed to elective and burdensome.

In a perfect world, it would be okay to talk about infertility openly. Oprah and Ellen and Tyra would have regular programs highlighting both the celebrity journeys of people like Celine Dion and Sarah Jessica Parker and Padma Lakshmi as well as real people from all walks of life.

In a perfect world, the racial disparity gap in healthcare would be closing. Conversations about infertility would transcend cultural and religious lines. Lesbian and gay couples would not be left out of the conversations either, because yes, even same-sex couples face infertility crises too.

In a perfect world, primary care physicians would pursue reproductive issues with an aggressive and proactive stance. Women and men would be taken seriously in their doctor's office. There would be widespread support groups in every community: more counselors and therapists who solely dealt with infertility issues. And couples wouldn't be afraid to be as honest as possible with one another instead of hiding behind quiet femininity or forced machismo.

In a perfect world, men are no longer an afterthought in the infertility community. The longing for fatherhood is just as valid as the desire to experience pregnancy and birth.

In a perfect world, we wouldn't be asked when we're having kids the day we get back from the honeymoon. We could complain about being infertile the way pregnant women complain about being pregnant. And if we do get pregnant, it's okay for us to complain and celebrate and do all of the things that would otherwise annoy the infertile community, because we've earned that right too.

And when we do resolve our infertility, we won't forget about the ones who are left behind. In a perfect world, we will proudly tell our friends and family the miracles it took to conceive our children.

In a perfect world, millions of dollars are devoted to research and clinical trials and comprehensive support networks and resources for women and men diagnosed with infertility. Our children will grow up with even greater access to care than we have now. In a perfect world, there is widespread dialogue about the importance of men's and women's reproductive health from an early age; we wouldn't be afraid to talk about the reality of fertility preservation in the context of sexual health education for teens.

In a perfect world, we will find an explanation for unexplained infertility. A miscarriage at six weeks is treated with no less support than a loss at six months. A stillbirth carries the same weight as the loss of a young child. In a perfect world, we will not forget about or ignore pregnancy loss, and instead elevate all loss with greater care and compassion.

In a perfect world, choosing not to resolve your infertility is not a sign of failure or giving up. Living childfree will not be regarded as lack or less than, but instead valued as a way for couples to redefine richness and fulfillment in their lives, and to bring themselves closure. In a perfect world, we will not be defined by our status as parents or otherwise.

In a perfect world, we will no longer be ashamed of or silenced by our disease. We will stop judging ourselves. We will be confident in who we are and where our journeys take us.

In a perfect world, we will conquer infertility.

My G-d, our perfect world is beautiful isn't it? Can't you just see it, taste it, feel all that weight and doubt and worry slip right off your shoulders and out of your mind?

---

And now our game of Imagine is over, for we do not live in a perfect world. That's why our advocacy efforts matter that much more.

Every act of advocacy brings us one step closer to a careless life, a scenic world where the sunsets are all breathtaking. What does your perfect world for infertility look like?
. . . . .

Tomorrow I conclude this series with a post that inspires a committed call to action. Stay tuned Wednesday for the final chapter of A Belly Full of Fire, Part Five: Millions of voices calling for change.