Choose Your Own Adventure

If you want to try to have your own genetic child, turn to page 6.
If you want to recruit a donor for donor eggs, turn to page 12.
If you want to adopt a child, turn to page 30.
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I've been mulling over how to write this entry since Friday's doctor's appointment, and this title seemed to be the most fitting. I won't try to spin this post with emotion one way or the other, but rather lay everything out as it's been laid out to us.

I've been diagnosed officially with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. My Premature Ovarian Failure is likely not reversible. There is anecdotal evidence (read: less than 1%) to suggest I may conceive naturally using hormonal birth control (HBC) to suppress gonadotropin receptor antibodies long enough to jumpstart my ovary into producing its own eggs. (My FIL compared it to giving a car a jump whereas I compared it to licking a 9-volt battery). Dr. Gross is doubtful, based on my numbers, that I have any follicles left to create eggs at this point, but HBC is low-cost and least-invasive enough to warrant giving it a try. Clomid wouldn't work- it would be like putting Rogaine on a scalp that has no hair follicles left. You can't grow hair where there aren't follicles; the same can be said of eggs.

Next steps:

1. Thyroid dosage adjustment. Going from 88mcg to 77mcg. My current dosage/brand are quite potent and have thrown me into the hyperthyroid range blood test result-wise, but symptomatically, I'm still presenting severe hypothyroidic. This is because the Levoxyl, which is synthetic T4, is not being converted into enough free-T3 in my body. So on paper, I look like I'm hyperthyroid, when in fact, it's the reverse. This is apparently fairly common with Hashi's.
2. Pelvic/uterine ultrasound. Scheduled for Thursday; just want to make sure that my remaining ovary looks normal, and there are no uterine abnormalities.
3. Semen analysis. We need to make sure everything is a go on Arieh's end.
4. Wait 6 weeks and retest thyroid levels. There is a chance I may need to top off my meds with some T3 in addition to the Levoxyl (T4). Then begin...
5. Birth control treatment. Oddly enough, I would use birth control as a way to jumpstart my ovary into releasing it's own eggs. 6 months on starting July/August, stop, and wait to see what happens. In essence, we would begin TTC early 2010, a full year and a half earlier than we had planned on, but it's essentially our last shot to have children genetically related to me.

If step 5 fails (it's pretty likely given that again, we're looking at less than 1% odds to begin with,) then as Dr. Gross said: "Really, your only options for family building are the use of donor eggs or adoption." When Arieh asked as I blinked through tears: "Really, there's really no chance?" and Dr. Gross point blank told us "No," it hit us both like a bag of bricks to the face. I mean, we knew it- we knew that these options were highly likely, but to hear it in person and confirmed by my doctor was pretty jarring.

So, right now, we're just trying to remain positive and hopeful for that longshot chance in January/February 2010. I have a lot of work to do to get myself in shape. It feels strangely calming to be in a place where I finally know my options solidly and have a rough gameplan in place. Yet, the prospects for the future are still daunting.

This just really... sucks. It really does. We're both sad, relieved, tired, and overwhelmed. So there it all is, laid out like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. If only picking a page was so simple.

Edited to add: Thanks to whoever mentioned this over at the LFCA! The support has meant so much and has really brightened my day! :)