I need a change.

I've felt stagnant lately. Perhaps it's the change of season. Perhaps it's my lack of periods- the months just blur into one another. Perhaps it's a matter of taking myself out of the elements that remind me of my infertility on a daily basis- I need to detach from the spaces I'm surrounded in.

I've been reconsidering a major career change recently. I currently work in higher education in the student affairs field. Five years ago, this is what I wanted to do with my life. Now... not so much. My heart just isn't in it anymore. I had this grand vision of being a Dean of Students at a small liberal arts college one day. Now, I want simplicity. The dream job?

A stay-at-home mom.

Even when I was in college, in my gender and womens' studies classes, I would defend this choice. It's totally possible to be a feminist and be a SAHM- the feminism isn't about doing all the jobs and getting paid as equally as men. It's part of it, but ultimately, I see pure feminism as having the choice to do those jobs and demand equal pay. If you want to be a housewife, go for it. If you want to be a CEO, that's awesome too.

SAHM's aren't exactly the pinnacle of income-generating careers, so Ari and I made the agreement: if I can supplement an income, find some way to make it work so he's not sole breadwinner, sure- let's do it. That all changed when he got laid off. Now I'm not only the breadwinner, I'm also the provider of housing and insurance, so making a major career switch is going to involve a lot of research and planning before we can invest fully in this decision. His business is still in its infancy, so we can't rely on an income from that just yet.

This leaves me at an impasse, where, I kind of like my job, kind of don't, but I don't like my field, which is a greater issue for me. As an INFP, my job must be closely tied to my values, and if the field I work in no longer aligns closely with my values, then it's a bad fit on a much larger scale.

The first step to this plan is to figure out exactly what I want to do. This is a bit of a challenge, b/c in addition to being an INFP, I'm a classic Gemini, so my interests are all over the map. My strengths are also all over the map as a result. Ari likes to joke that when I take an interest in something, I not only learn it overnight, I master it. While I'm too modest to really say that, let's just say I pick up new skills and interests quickly and with some skill. A lot of the times I feel like I'm just faking it or just making it up as I go along, but the end results are usually pretty good.

Stuff I interested in; * = things I'm actually pretty good at.

• *Writing, particularly introspective non-fiction. I feel a memoir at 27 is a bit silly though.
• *Judaism, particularly cantorical work. My Hebrew however, is virtually non-existent.
• *Travel, and travel writing.
• Food, and writing about food.
• *Wine... and drinking lots of it.
• *Floral design.
• *Graphics & web design, but I no almost no CSS, which is an issue. Love to do invites, flyers, business materials, posters.
  
• Mushrooms: I have long wanted to study what mushroom is what so I can walk through the woods, picking what I want to eat.
• *Cheese... and eating lots of it.
• *Making personal, one-on-one differences in people's lives.
• Advocating for social change.
• *Coming up with marketing campaigns.
  
• *Photography, although I have no idea how to use a manual. I cheat with my Lumix LX3.
• *Scrapbooking and paper crafts.
• Nature and the outdoors: hiking, camping, canoeing.
• *Being a good listening/pseudo counselor. No degree in counseling, but I like to think I do a halfway decent job through the work I do in higher ed.
  

I've got a BA in Communication Studies. I'm currently working on my Masters in Higher Ed, but... I don't know if I want to finish the program, seeing as how I'm not really digging higher ed in general.

The issue? Figuring out if any of these, whether combined with one another or singly, can lead to possible careers if I'm starting basically from scratch, even though I've had passing interest and experience with all of these things. I may not have a formal design porfolio, but I've done a lot of work within other jobs over the years. I may not have a degree in English, but I've been writing for a long time. I may not have gone to art school, but I've got a natural eye for design and photography. A lot of the things I like to do and am good at just come naturally to me. However, writing a resume and putting down, "Well, I like it and I'm good at it" isn't going to get me very far.

Ari has suggested talking with people in jobs I want to do, but I'm not at a point to say, "I want to do X job." He's also suggested doing apprenticeships if I can, like coming in on the weekends and working with a local stationer, or working at the wine and cheese or floral sections of a place like Whole Foods or a florist shop.
All of this fills me with a small amount of terror, b/c as any INFP can tell you, initiating conversations with strangers is terrifying and taxing. For now, I'm still in the "what job is out there that combines all of these things into one that pays good money and offers health insurance written in the state of MA?"


Anyone have any thoughts or advice out there? I feel like trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up when I'm already 27 is an exercise in futility.