What the hell happned to January?

This happens every year. I work in higher ed, so January just vanishes. November is also notorious for just disappearing. Work has been crazy. I hate my job, I hate the people I work with... it's just a challenge to get out of bed every morning, which is extra hard when you live where you work. What's worse is I hate the field I'm in now, and I don't really know what else to be when I grow up.

Things occupying my time as of late: work. More work. Here, have a few extra hours of work tonight. Cooking, cleaning, and watching epic amounts of LOST. I'm 3/4's of the way through Season 3. Thank goodness seasons 4 & 5 are shorter. Final season premiere in less than 2 weeks. I'm so excited I could just piddle.

Latest round of bloodwork has come back. TSH is up to1.06 from 0.029 just 4 weeks ago. Free T3 is still steadily climbing. No clue if this is good or bad. Free T4 still rocking out in normal town. I am most excited about the TSH. I basically told my doctor I wasn't upping my dose (which he recommended at the end of December). I stayed on the 125 of Le.voxyl and it seems my body just needed more time to adjust to the dose. Symptomatically, I'm feeling pretty darn good.

Here's the most interesting lab that came back: my estradiol is up from 20 to 27. This is interesting b/c in the last 2 weeks, up until about 2 days ago, my boobs were sore, I've been crazy moody, and holy shit - my libido came back to nigh high school and college levels, much to Ari's happiness. I've also had intermittent discomfort in my right ovary region. It lasted about 2 days, on and off. There's a chance I could have some kind of cyst.

Or maybe *strokes imaginary beard inquisitively*... maybe the Big O happened?


...

Ahahahaha! Man, that would be crazy. Theoretically, my estradiol was in the right range, as was my LH, but my FSH is through the freakin roof (63! Highest yet, I believe.)

But we didn't take any chances, and course corrected appropriately (refer to the libido comment above.) Things I am promising myself right the hell now: no pee sticks, unless I'm hurling chunks for a few days in a row. Who knows what's going on down there. It's weird to feel all PMS-y again. I haven't really had PMS in a year... actually, about this time almost exactly a year ago. Huge PMS buildup and then... nothing. This moodiness has taken me by surprise really- I've forgotten how weird it feels. I'm bitchy, emotional, bloated... I lament about missing it for over a year and then forgot just how icky the whole menstrual cycle can be sometimes.

Maybe this is just my ovary's way of saying, "Happy New Year!" before flipping me off every time I think about trying to have my own children.

And if I really do actually get a period- a for reals, honest to goodness, no this isn't withdrawal bleeding from being the on the pill period- I'll be devastated. That could have been THE last egg.

Or maybe... maybe there's a fucking chance. Maybe my body is slowly recovering itself, having a lil Bionic Woman peptalk between thyroid and ovary, saying things like, "We can rebuild her."

Next time I meet with the doc I'll make sure to get an u/s done, just to check for cysts. It's been 6 months since my last u/s, which came back normal. But for now, I'm going to ride out these PMS-like symptoms and see where they're taking me. I hope they're takin' me to Mom Town, or at least Holy Shit You're Ovulating Ville, by way of This Would Be a Fucking Miracle Airways.

For now, I'm just flyin' standby.