We were nervous opening it - I've never received mail from either of my uncles ever. I thought it was either some memento of Granny's that he randomly decided to pass on to us or quite honestly, a New Testament only Bible. You know, because we're Jews.
Oh no. It was neither of these things.
It was a pink onesie and a green jumper. And a card that read, "Welcome to your new baby girl."
Way to go Uncle S, you sent it to the wrong niece. You know, the one who just happens to be unable to have her own children.
I called my mom and she was as speechless as I was. We both agreed that my uncle is just one dumb redneck and to not bat an eyelash at his ignorance. I decided that I will indeed pass the gift on to my sister, but I just can't let this go without some kind of response on my part. This is where I need your help, dear readers: how should I respond?
Do I...
+ write them a thank you note saying, "Thanks for the lovely gift. I'm sure my niece will enjoy these!"
+ write them a thank you note saying, "Thanks for the lovely gift. I'm sure the adopted child we hope to have in the future will enjoy this. Let's hope we're matched with a little girl!"
+ send them a blank donation card to RESOLVE of New England and a copy of RESOLVE's Infertility Etiquette Guide.
+ send them a note with just the URL to my video (or better yet, a DVD of it).
+ send them a picture of my sister and I, with our names clearly labeled and descriptions reading, "Keiko: Can't have children" and "Jasmine: Just had the baby, dipshits."
+ just let it go.
What do you think? Do you have other creative ideas or responses? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
21 comments:
Wow...how awful!! Honestly, if something like that had happened to me I would've cried for a week. Definitely give it to your sister and hopefully he'll send something to her when you adopt a baby and she'll send it over to you. :-) As for him, I'd say to write him a note thanking him and saying you'll give it to your sister/niece, as you still don't have children. (duh) But put it nicely, of course. :-D
Wow.
I like all of the ideas.
You should send a picture of you, your sister and the baby and label it showing each of your identities.
and then include a copy of your video.
Be sure to post about whatever you decide to do.
Aww- thanks Sis! The good thing is I'm too flabbergasted to be devastated by this. It's really just one of those "is it even possible to be THAT stupid?!" moments.
I'm speechless, really.
I have no idea how I would respond in a situation like that - not a clue! You do have some good options outlined here though.
I mean, he was trying to be nice, right? And does he know about your struggles? I wouldn't want to be totally mean in my reply back to him, but i do think that a little education couldn't hurt. You dvd is A.MAZ.ING and would probably be really enlightening for him.
Good freakin luck dealing with this one!
If it were me...and because you said "too flabbergasted to be devastated by this." I think I would have a good joke about it and let it go. I don't think he did it with the intent of upsetting you. He meant well. Even if he is a redneck : )
Oh that sucks. I'm sorry that happened to you!
I've been in a similar situation where my grandma sent me an email about how great it is to be a mom shortly after my third miscarriage.
I didn't send the reply in my post, as much as I wanted to! But I did tell her how much getting that email had hurt. She didn't apologize. It didn't help anything. If I could go back and do it again, I wouldn't say a thing. So if I were you, I'd just send a note saying that he must have accidentally sent it to you, and you'll pass it on to your sister for him. Maybe adding that you hope that he will be as happy for you when you and Larry adopt your child.
Oh, I would so want to do the labeled picture one!!
But, what I would probably do is the thank you note, with a DVD of your video.
What an ass.
I'd do all of that...every single thing, make it a GIFT!!!!
oh at least you are keeping a sense of humor about it and your sister is just as appalled....maybe you should ALL write a thank you...LOL
dear god, some people.
Holy. crap. That definitely deserves a big "REALLY?!" (My husband and I say that all the time, just like Seth and Amy on SNL.)
How to respond? Um, I think you need to write the thank you note about the adopted child, and enclose a copy of the etiquette guide, a copy of your video, AND the labeled picture. This guy needs all of the help he can get!
I can't believe that actually happened. I am so so sorry.
I would do response #1 and send him the link to your awesome video.
Again, wow, I'm sorry.
Ouch.
This is one of those things that later on down the road you are going to laugh about it. It's so dumb and awful that it will be funny. I mean he couldn't have made a worse mistake. It's comically awful. I have stories like that.
No matter how you handle it, I do think you should hand out DVDs to all your family members. Your video is amazing and everyone should see it.
Ug! Honestly, I would just send the gift on to your sister and leave. it. alone.
His behavior toward you & your husband at the funeral indicates that he has no real compassion in his heart and you really don't want to give him an open door to your most painful place right now.
I also have a very evangelical uncle (Free Methodist) who is convinced that I will burn in hell because I am Mormon. I've only been attacked with his very unChristian opinion a few times, but it has been enough that I have learned to just avoid all subjects except the weather with him. In his world view, every misfortune we experience is a result of God's judgment because of our religious choice. How do people live with a God like that? I just don't know.
Good luck. Sorry about the package of crap. :/
Oh Wow. He really is dumb.
Honestly, I would just pass it along to the sister and not say anything to him. Why encourage his stupidity!
So sorry that happened. That would have really thrown me for a loop.
Wow. How unbelievably insensitive.
In the interest of keeping peace in the family, I would probably go with the note stating that you would send the gift along to your sister for your recently-born niece. That will let me know in a subtle way that he screwed up and sent it to the wrong person.
I'm not sure I'd waste the infertility etiquette guide on someone like this. Some people cannot be educated or informed, and he sounds like one of them.
What a bad situation. I would just let him know that you are forwarding the gift to your niece because he inadvertently sent the gift to the wrong niece. I see no need to say thanks because you are doing the work due to his ignorance. You could say that you are sure your sister will appreciate that he took the time to find something for your niece.
Loved your video - it was amazing. Have you been on television before? I would love to know because I know some producers and I think this is something that everyone should see. So moving.
T
The picture. Definitely the picture...
Wow, I think I have family like that as well. I would label the picture, and send it to him, with a note saying you were forwarding the gift onto your niece.
I agree with the others though, some people can not be educated.
It would depend on the relationship I would want to have in the future if i would do any of the others. Personally with my family, I would. If they were offended it really wouldn't matter. I would like to apologize on behalf of people of Christians though, his behavior towards you, and the other family member who attacked your lovely Mormon reader have been way out of line. No one should be treated like that, ever. I've let go of family members for doing the same thing to our unchurched family. There is just no excuse.
I wish you well in adoption. I'm hoping to convince my loving husband to agree to that, he just has not given up yet.
my SIL and BIL had a baby and for some reason people always think it's me. when she was pregnant people asked me how i was doing with my pregnancy. oh i'm sure i'd be doing fine IF I COULD GET PREGNANT.
I always calmly told them they had the wrong set of brother/wife combo.
(whatwouldjendo.com)
I totally think the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th responses are called for. Talk about clueless.
Oh Keiko, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Although it sounds like something my uncles would do...and I don't have any other siblings.
Personally, I think you should combine the first 5 sugguestions. In doing that you have not only thanked him, but informed him of your intentions to adopt, educated him on IF and your struggle with it, and finally helped him distinguish between you and your sister. Its a win-win.
I'd suggest a combination of these - Thank him for the lovely gift, stating that you'll pass it along to your sister who just had a baby. Then enclose the copy of Resolve's etiquette guide.
That way he knows just what an idiot he's been with you still being perfectly polite.
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