The results are in...

Sorry for the delay in posting about Friday's appointment. Work has been busy, and I just needed the weekend to relax and take my mind off of all of it. If this post feels a bit sterile, it's b/c I'm battling a raging migraine right now, and honestly, I'm just pooped from thinking about all things IF right now.

POF has been confirmed. My FSH, LH, and estradiol levels were virtually the same as they were just over a month ago, thus confirming that yes, my ovary isn't working right. My pituitary gland is pumping out tons of FSH to compensate for the lack of estradiol.

Now that the issue has been identified, finding the cause will guide the next steps in terms of family planning. I had seven - yes, seven - vials of blood drawn after my appt Friday. Not only am I a terrible draw to begin with (thin, spongey veins that roll easily), using a butterfly needle (my SOP when it comes to blood draws) took for. ev. er. to draw all that blood and has left me with two huge, ugly bruises on my arm that a coworker half-jokingly asked if I was being abused at home. And it's not the inside of my arm- we're talking about 4" from my elbow on my left forearm... had to hit the same vein twice. It was pretty agonizing. I came this close to passing out b/c I made the mistake of watching her draw my blood.

So, 2 possible scenarios I'm being tested for:
1. Fragile X syndrome: a chromosomal defect affecting part of my X chromosome. Normally, this causes severe mental retardation. I suppose I'm "lucky" in that my manifestation would only affect my sex glands and basically, I've run out of eggs entirely. Fun.

2. Anti-adrenal antibodies: my body could be attacking itself. Dr. Gross described it as this: my body could be creating these antibodies that are blocking my ovarian follicles. My pituitary gland is pumping out these hormones, but it's like my ovary is wearing ear muffs and can't hear the signal to ovulate.

If I have just Fragile X, I'm up shit's creek re: having my own biological genetic children. At this point, I've already cut my losses emotionally. If I have just antiadrenal issues, then there is anecdotal evidence to support that I may ovulate on my own using either birth control or recombinant-FSH. In other words, it's a long-shot at best that I'll have my own biological genetic children. Health-wise, I would need to take supplements to fix the lack of adrenal function, and wear a medical ID bracelet b/c the first thing I'd need in an accident is a cortisol shot.

If I have both, which is a possiblity, then it just gets super sad. Because yes, I could, with longshot odds, have my own children, but do I really want to pass on the same genetic defect? And I think ethically, a fertility clinic wouldn't allow that anyway. So.... yeah. That sucks.

Playing the waiting game again. Next appointment is May 29. Genetic & antibody testing takes a lot longer than just straight up hormone testing, so I get to wait a lot longer for these results. That should be a fun appt just a few days after my 27th birthday, and the day before one of my good friend's baby shower. Hooray!

Do I sound bitter? I am.

On the plus side: got my copy of Navigating the Land of IF, by the fabulous Melissa Ford, maintainer of Stirrup Queens. So far, the book is exactly what I've needed emotionally. I will post a review once I've finished it.