April 25, 2010

What IF?

I was so inspired by so many of the questions raised in the Phase One of #ProjectIF that I couldn't pick just one to respond to. I saw this as a collective lamentation laid bare for the world to see. So many of these questions have flittered through and lingered in my brain at one point or another in our journey that I simply had to include them all. My hope is that this video captures the "everydayness" that is coping with infertility. So, here is my response to #Project IF. More about my thoughts on #ProjectIF below the video.




What IF we can become a positive force for change?


What IF? from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.


What IF I can't pick myself back up after each setback?
I have seen the gamut of human experience and emotion this week. I've been going for Iron Commenter for ICLW, my first time trying it. I've read so much already - for every small victory: Aunt Flo still hasn't shown up, a successful transfer, social workers secured- there are just as many crushing setbacks: empty yolk sacs, canceled IUIs, no matured blasts, the birthmother backed out. I've read and commented on just over half of this month's participating blogs so far, and the sheer variety and depth of experiences is humbling, overwhelming, and at times, comforting. When you find someone, an otherwise stranger to you, who is going through nearly the same experiences, positive or otherwise, there is instant kinship between you and she, somewhere in the mix of wires and signals and binary code. In this mess of electronic tangles, we find connection.

If there's one thing I've learned so far in this year of coping, crying, laughing, and learning, it's that the road through infertility is indeed a bumpy one, and sometimes we diverge so far off course we hardly even recognize where we are anymore or from where we've come. All we know is that we are weary from the journey.

My hope in making this video was to answer this question above, to inspire those struggling with any aspect of IF to find the strength to press on, to find peace, to remain inspired and to remind them to be true to themselves.

What IF I got rid of the anonymity and put a real name and a real face to a story of IF?
Like most ventures on the internet, I got scared of putting my real name out there, much less my face. I hid behind my Hebrew name because it was convenient, and I think because in many ways, I was still ashamed, angry, and bitter at my diagnosis. Over this past year, I have grown and learned so much. I wouldn't say I've healed completely, but I've let go of a lot of baggage and realized that I can only move forward with my life if I allow myself to do so. I have found and met amazing people on the internet and in real life who understand this struggle. And I realized that legislators don't care about internet pseudonyms. They care about constituents with names, verifiable addresses, and most of all, votes.

So, allow me to introduce myself, dear readers:

Hi. I'm Keiko Zoll. *waves* Yes, my Hebrew name is Miriam. (I'm still the same old Miriam, but you can call me Keiko. I wasn't kidding when I said I was half-Japanese.) Yes, I'm 27 years old and yes, I live in Boston, MA. I still love food, travel, camping, scrapbooking, and playing a ridiculous amount of Modern Warfare 2. 

I live and cope with my infertility every single day, but I refuse to let it bring me down.

I'm taking this a step further. As I mentioned in my post about National Infertility Awareness Week, I posed a challenge to folks reading this blog to out themselves out of the IF closet on Facebook, Twitter, their blogs- wherever. Not only am I doing this myself tomorrow via my FB status message, but I'm sharing this video on my Facebook profile and Twitter accounts too.

What IF my video can help erase some of the stigma surrounding infertility, and give a voice to  millions who may be otherwise silent?

-----
For more information about infertility, please visit RESOLVE's Infertility Overview page.
Click here for more info about National Infertility Awareness Week 2010.
Click here for the complete What IF list.
Click here to see who else is participating in #ProjectIF.
-----

UPDATE: Read how this video has been received and my advocacy efforts two months later.

175 comments:

Jasmine said...

Wow. Just...wow.

S.I.F. said...

I am just crying so hard right now... Thank you. That was incredible.

Nine said...

Also weeping; with rage at the injustice and pride for your courage to come out. Your message about how we define ourselves is so powerful. We CAN be the change we are waiting for in this world!

Jamie said...

Thank you for sharing. I can't imagine, I just can't. My heart breaks for you, and yet I am in awe of your strength.

Just me said...

Good for you for "coming out"! I've gotten to a place where I am much more open about our infertility, but I'm not ready to put it out there on my blog... I worry it would take away my feelings of freedom to say "whatever I want". Maybe I should start another non-anon blog... but I'm still "closeted" from much of my family because I don't want to talk about it with them.. so I guess that means I'm not ready.

Kudos to you for your courage!

T Lee said...

That video is so... just... well I've had my cry for this morning. Amazing job!

Now I'm going to cheer the F*ck up and spread the word this week!!! You've totally inspired me.

Michelle D said...

GREAT video!! I loved it and it is inspiring. I haven't made my blog public for all of google but I did add it to a list of infertility blogs. It still isn't on my profile though so maybe some day soon I'll "woman up" and do that. Thanks again :)

Gurlee said...

Ugh, I almost had to stop watching that numerous times as I am at my desk at work. I can't spend another minute closing my door and crying. That was amazing. I LOVED it, thank you for being an advocate for those of us who are still silent, or in my case quiet.

It was beautiful, I admire your stength and courage.
Thank You!

Kristin said...

What a powerful post! You are amazing Keiko (such a pretty name).

Trinity said...

This video was stunning, and I am so inspired. Thanks for all of the energy and effort you put into it. Just...really powerful. Sigh.

Happy Iron Commenting! :)

T-Mommy said...

Wow, that was a powerful post!

Thank you for sharing ;)

Sarah said...

Brilliant! I had to share this on facebook.

Vanessa said...

I just stumbled upon your blog from the list on www.stressfreeinfertilityblog.com. I cried and cried and cried while watching your video! That is so moving and so accurately describes the pain and uncertainty we all go through every single day. I shared it on my own Facebook page. Thank you so much for your bravery and boldness in creating that video!

Willow said...

LOVE this video! It made me cry. Beautiful message!

PCOSChick said...

AMAZING!!! Just absolutely amazing

Joanna @ The Casa said...

Thank you for sharing your story.

I remember those feelings.

It will be nice for people to know they are not alone at a time when they feel the most lonely.

jrs said...

Awesome video. It was beautiful. Very moving. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Keep it up future Iron Commentator

Lisa said...

Hi Keiko,

I think your video was absolutely beautiful, as you are. You have courage, talent and wiseness in you, so I think that the world should see what you can contribute to the IF community. I'll publish your link in a moment.

The What IFs you asked are felt by hundreds of thousands of women all over the world. That you are able to achieve such clarity about them, devoid of anxiety, will undoubtedly help other people make the same distinction. It's not enough to tell fertile people, government bodies and insurance companies that we need more awareness, education, support and financial aid...you have to make it real for them. Curing and treating infertility is only assisting a "lifestyle choice" for people who want children as an accessory, and I do not believe there are too many of those.

Thank you for this video and your blog. No one will fail to understand what infertility is about after once they have heard you.

Lisa ICLW #65 Your Great Life

rebecca said...

Thank you so much for this incredibly powerful video...I was sobbing at the end. Amazing, absolutely amazing...thank you for being so brave & courageous & putting this out there.

Brenda Kay said...

Beautifully done! As a woman who spent several years trying to get pregnant, I was moved to tears by your video. The unsuccessful use of fertility drugs and failed adoption attempts left me hurt and angry at those who got pregnant so easily, some "by accident!" I avoided baby showers, pregnant friends and newborns not wanting to be reminded of what I didn't have. Eventually, I did conceive but there were so many days of doubt and pain although I know I only experienced a portion of what you have endured. I admire your bravery. May God open wide this door to spread your message as well as give you hope!

TeeJay said...

Such a great video. And so brave of you to "out" yourself like that. I admire your courage. You are right about IF being a disease and that insurance companies should treat it as such and help us to overcome it. Thank you for such a great post and good luck with the rest of your 'outings'.

Trinity said...

Just to let you know...I re-posted this on my blog to spread it around. I really am in awe of it. Now if only I could work up the courage to post it on FB. ;)

Baby bump bound said...

INCREDIBLE video!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was balling by the end of it! I have outed myself - I was on the Today Show recently and it felt liberating!!
I have sent your post with your video to my Resolve group, posted it on a few blogs I belong to and sent it to a few fertile friends.
I hope you are nominated for BEST BLOG ~ you are amazing!

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Hannah--this is one of the most powerful things I've ever watched. I am so blown away and crying too.

jones said...

amazing and inspirational. thank you.

Alex said...

This is beautiful. I loved the video. Thanks for doing this.

cgd said...

This is so amazing!!! I am so honored to have you as an advocate for IF. I actually posted the link to blog page and video on my facebook account and forwarded it around to people via email (as it was forwarded to me). I hope that is ok. I am usually private about this stuff but felt moved to raise awareness and spread the word by your video.
Thank you for doing this.
Carrie

Nicole said...

as i read all these comments I can't help but be excited for you and very proud to be your friend! <3

nh said...

Love it! That's fantastic, well done.

and in answer to your question on my blog; we are starting our home study!

Stickles McQueen said...

That was extraordinary. I'm so glad that you stopped by my blog, if only to give me the chance to discover yours. Thank you for being such a brave and eloquent voice. I am awed.

Blondie said...

Wow, I can't say enough about your beautiful, moving, truthful post! I hope you don't mind -- I posted a link to your video on my blog!

mrs. r said...

oh man! posting this on my blog tonight! brilliant!!

S said...

First time commenter, though I have lurked here on occasion.

I just wanted to echo what others have said. I loved your video and was very moved. Good for you for putting yourself out there!

VA Blondie said...

I loved this video! It captured it perfectly!

Thanks for stopping by mu blog! I appreciate the bloggy love!

Here from ICLW!

DCPatient said...

This might be the most powerful patient advocacy video ever!! Kudos.

But what if . . . it all worked out and you become pregnant. That is my hope for you and all others facing this challenge. Hold on to that.

Byron Katie uses a fabulous formula to help dispell all the unconstructive "what ifs" in our lives:
1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know it's true?
3. How do I react when I believe this thought?
4. Who would I be without this thought?

ASP said...

Incredible. Thank you for this beautiful video.

loribeth said...

That's an amazing video -- thank you so much!!

Krissi said...

This video is amazing! So powerful! I blogged and tweeted about it to spread the word. Tomorrow, I will put it on Facebook. Awesome job!! Happy ICLW!

erika said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. You are wonderful and inspiring.
Happy ICLW
#130

Alicia (aka "Yaya") said...

WOW. This is amazing. Thank you.

Tara said...

You are incredible!!! Every question you posed, I have asked myself a million times.

The hardest thing I struggle with right now is how insurance can cover Viagra, but not infertility treatments. Sickening really!

Zara said...

you are so awesome!
thank you for your courage.

Al said...

Amazing video, it had me choked up.

Very courageous of you to come out on facebook and share your real name. You are so brave and such an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

wonderful video. Thank you for sharing your life and heart.

We recently had a baby through the wonderful gift of donor embryos. We knew we could never afford donor eggs or adoption (our only other options). Donor embryos are a wonderful and much more affordable option. Our baby is an amazing blessing - and everyone says he looks JUST LIKE my husband. God sure knows what He's doing!

Good luck on your journey - and perhaps consider donor embryos as an option.

Patty Snell said...

WOW Nice to no im not alone THANK YOU for What IF it was incredible cant stop crying. I will post this on my Facebook ASAP

FET Accompli said...

What a powerful video - awesome!!! It is nice to meet you, Keiko!!

ohemily said...

Thank you for this amazing video. You have so much courage and strength.

mommyinwaiting said...

What fabulous ideas and so brave of you to come out!

Thanks for your very kind comment on my blog.

Happy ICLW

Circus Princess said...

Your video moved me to tears. This is the way to spread awareness, can we get some free airtime on national TV? Thank you for putting words, images and a face to so many thoughts I think a lot of us share.

And thank you for your kind words on my blog :)

Circus Princess said...

Not only did I just post your video to my blog, I posted it on facebook. I guess I'm WAY out of the closet now :)

LeMira said...

I really, really appreciate this video. I've posted it on my blog and on my Facebook profile. Thank you for being a voice and for encouraging those of us who are learning how to educate others to be brave. Thank you.

Di said...

Just wanted to stop by and say thank you for visiting my blog and for your kind words. They really did help! I appreciate it more than you know!

Kakunaa said...

This is amazing....I shared it on FB, and will be linking to it on my blog. Thank you for your courage.

OnceIwas said...

Your video and post for Project IF were amazing. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you.

Waiting Lisa said...

Beautiful video. I shared it on Facebook and my blog and linked back to you. Thank you so much for doing such a beautiful job of putting together so many What IFs.

Mrs. Farmer said...

Your video is so VERY powerful! Thank you so much for doing this! You have given a voice to so many of us that haven't had one! Thank you! I'm so moved! I don't know yet if I can out myself yet but I want so many people to see this. I think I'm going to have to overcome that fear so the word can be spread. Thank you again for coming out and doing this! It is so beautiful!!!!

Melissa G said...

Honey, brilliant doesn't even begin to cover it.

I'm sitting in my office trying to pull my sh*t together because that video hit me so hard. In a good way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Hope you don't mind, but I'd like to add a link on my What IF post to yours.

MrsSpock said...

That video is amazing, and brought tears to my eyes. Best. What. IF. Ever.

Posting it on my FB page.

Les said...

Wow. Amazing. So in awe of your courage. Wishing I had the same courage to be so open about my story. Thank you.

Becky said...

Amazing. I've already shared it with so many others...Thank you!!

You are changing the world!

Erika said...

Holy cow Kieko! That was so amazing! Thank you!

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Your video is outstanding! Thank you so much for speaking out!

ICLW

Stacie said...

That was amazing! I had tears in my eyes while watching this, as I am sure many others did, too.

Maggie said...

Wonderful video - thank you for sharing your story - may all your hopes and dreams come true.

Rachel said...

Simply amazing!

Spacey said...

I have tears in my eyes after watching your video. It is so well done and addresses a lot of the What IF questions we live with every day. I will be sharing it with lots of people as the message is beautifully delivered and hopefully a lot more people will start to understand. Thank you.

My Reality said...

Fantastic job explaining the what IF's so well.

Melissa G said...

Sobbing. Again.

I can't.
Stop.
Watching.
This.

((((Hugs))))

mellie said...

LOVED this. I've been there. Keep the faith. Sometimes we get lucky....

Jennifer in MamaLand said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm glad there are a still a few minutes left of ICLW so I could tell you I appreciate your statements here very much.
I've become very aware of those around me who have been struggling to conceive.
May our God who turns tears to laughter give you strength through all of this.
- ICLW# 163

One Cluttered Brain said...

Incredible! My facebook friend posted this. I LOVE it. I hope this video touches the lives of many women.

Way to go for putting this video together. I even blogged about this--and shared your video.
Thanks again.

Here's the link to my blog post. I hope you will check it out. I did give credit to you and LINKED back to you...:))
http://vloggingmama.wordpress.com/2010/04/29/what-if/

Suzy said...

I have tears rolling down my face right now. Rarely have I been so moved. I will be sharing this with everyone I can.

GraceesMommy said...

hello..i am an old warrior of the battle of infertility. we fought the battle of infertility and thought that it had won and my heart was in a million pieces..all over the place. but at the age of 42 and my husband was 46 we decided to fight the battle a different way...we adopted. seven years ago i became a mom through adoption and if you check out my blog you will see how much she has changed our lives.

your video was so moving and as someone who spent many years tangled in the web of infertility i so get it.

Amanda said...

I don't even have words for how much this video touched me and spoke to my soul. Thank you for being a voice.

Kate said...

That was amazing. Thank.you.so.much.

the Barreness said...

I am so thankful for this video, I will be outing myself shortly too...I am so thankful for you and your desire to help others.
Hopefully this does help millions!!
we are a silent tribe, for all the wrong reasons.

~Jess said...

Would you mind if I posted this on my facebook?

We are "out" about our infertility, but not entirely. We had to use a sperm donor to conceive our daughter. That isn't my story to tell, it's my husband's and my children's...but infertility, the pain, it's struggles is my story.

Again, a beautiful video.

Busted Kate said...

Keiko, I'm sitting at my desk trying to not concern my staff with my crying and sniveling. This completely, COMPLETELY blew me away. Left me totally breathless. You are amazing, this was amazing, I'm going to blast it all over if you don't mind... my blog, my Blog AND PERSONAL facebook pages, everywhere I can.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

FertilityAuthority Editors said...

That was beyond truthful and moving. Thanks for being so brave and smart. YOU are helping so many . . .

Laurie Gordon
Executive Editor
http://www.fertilityauthority.com

FertilityAuythority said...

That was so truthful and brave. Thank you. YOU are helping so many.

Laurie Gordon
Executive Editor
http://www.fertilityauthority.com

Simply Mel said...

THat was awesome. I shared it on my FB page as well. I miscarried yesterday so this had me crying.
I live in the Lowell area of MA. Nice to see another MA blogger blogging about infertility.

Blessings!

Piccinigirl said...

WOW...that was soooo powerful, I feel like everyone should see that...so that they can know that human side/face of infertility.

Thank you.,..that was a beautiful gift for every one of us who are /have struggled to build a family.

Jonelle said...

Keiko, Thank you for making this video. I watched it a few days ago. Its so powerful it made me cry. I broke down when the 'What if' was "What if he leaves me for a fertile woman?" I know my DH wouldn't, but its still a what if that invades my consciousness.

Thank you for sharing this with us and the world.

Congrats on making Iron Commentor

Julia said...

Thank you. Thank you very much for posting this.

Fitnessista said...

powerful, beautiful, moving video. thank you so much for sharing it with us <3

Wishing 4 One said...

Blown away here. Amazing, simply amazing my friend. I salute you for making that video and I believe you have helped more than one indeed. Thank you for speaking on our behalf, you deserve to have that shown on TV, we all deserve it. xoxo

Betsy said...

Wow, what an amazing video.

Anonymous said...

Your video is thought-provoking and inspiring. Thank you. I too have come out this week on facebook to my infertility in order to promote awareness. I also found out that 1 in 8 women will get diagnosed with breast cancer in their lives. Why is that so openly talked about and researched and not infertility?

Thomas said...

Now that this 44 year old tough guy is done sobbing like a child... my wife and I have suffered 3 miscarriages, 5 failed inseminations and a fire to our house which caused us to use half our invitro savings.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE let us know how we can help. We are ready for the fight!
Thank you for your incredible courage!

KC said...

You are amazing, you took the words and thoughts and put it in your video. THANK YOU!!!

Carli said...

Thank you so much for this video. I applaud your courage to come out of the IF closet. I also wanted to let you know just how much your video touched me. Your WHAT IFs are so many of the things that I am afraid to say out loud. Thank you so much for having the courage to speak them.

Kitty said...

WOW. It's a good thing I couldn't watch this at work because I am in tears! Beautifully done. Hope it's okay if I post this on my FB page.

Thank you!!

tubelessstl said...

Thank YOU! I embedded your video on my blog for those that I might touch with this NIAW week!

tears

Allison said...

Thank you. Just... thank you.

JC said...

Wow, this is amazing. I'm in tears.

Samantha said...

Awesome Job!! I am here with you...

Laura said...

This was a brave thing you did. I am awed. And proud. I'm very touched. Thank you.

Mrs.Tiye said...

Oh.My.Gosh.

I'm typing with my mouth totally agape.

That was FIERCE!

Thanks for this!

AnxiousMummyto3 said...

I actually saw the link your vid on another blog I follow and I am so glad I watched it all. Thankyou so much for making this. I know I'm seeing a lot later than others, but wow, it was so beautiful. I also read the explanation of your blog title and caught up with your story while I'm here. I love it! Really interesting title :)
All the best with your adoption journey!

Life Happens said...

I love your video. I saw it on FB. It's finally nice to put a pretty face to a name! Thanks for making the video and sharing with the world.

Angela said...

That was an amazing video. Thank you SO much for making it and sharing it with the world.
Turia

Stephanie said...

Oh my gosh. Just oh my gosh. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Can't think of the right words, so a simple THANK YOU hopefully will suffice..

JJ said...

Adding my admiration and tears to your amazing video. Thank you for taking the time to do this!

Kate said...

Thank you so much for your hard work on such a monumental video. I have shared on my blog and am now following yours. Can't wait to hear more about your adoption.

www.backwellfamily.blogspot.com

Calliope said...

A M A Z I N G!!!

truly beautiful. thank you

Angie said...

I have never been affected by a message like this one. It is extremely powerful and extremely helpful. Thank you for doing this!!

Julie said...

I am weeping and passing this along. Thank you for your eloquence and courage.

Jem said...

Your video is so amazing - it captures what so many of us are going through. It brought tears to my eyes.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for creating this great video and for posting it and for having the courage to shout out your name to the world. I'm sure you WILL help millions.

Mrs. Hope said...

absolutely stunning video.

Niki said...

This is so moving. It brought tears to my eyes. Powerful, thank you.

melodygreen said...

Thanks so much for doing this video and sharing. I've dealt with infertility as well. You inspired me to share (a bit) on Facebook and (more) on my blog. I can't imagine having done so in the midst of dealing with infertility... it is hard enough now after a "happy ending".

Dora said...

Keiko! Magnificent. Such a raw, honest video. Brought me to tears. Thank you.

I've been procrastinating about writing my "what IF" post, but you're so right, what if our stories can change lives.

'Murgdan' said...

Thank you for taking the time to make this beautiful video. Wonderful!

S said...

Amazing and powerful.

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

God bless you for making this video and giving voice to what so many of us have felt as we walked the windy IF road. My journey with IF and IVF has ended, but I will be praying for yours.

Kristin (kekis) said...

When I heard and saw your name, I looked it up and learned that Keiko means "blessing" and that you are. After over three years trying to have a baby and knowing that my time is very limited, someone was finally able to put words to the feelings in my heart. They have been nameless and faceless, but now those feelings are alive thanks to YOU.

Thank you for sharing your heart, mind, and creativity. You have helped this one, and through you, I hope to help you help millions. If you don't mind, I am going to share this with everyone possible. I wish my words could match how much I appreciate you.

Anonymous said...

perfectly put. brought tears to my eyes. I understand.

Sarang said...

I'm here from "Banking On It's" blog...

This was beyond moving. Thank you for being so brave and being a voice for all of us!

Mr. Thompson and Me said...

Stopped by from from the project now a follower.

Truly beautiful! Thanks for being so honest and brave.

www.mrthompsonandme.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

What a WONDERFUL video. It was so touching. Thank you so much for sharing this with the world!! You are truely an inspiration!

Shannon

Glass Case of Emotion said...

The video was just so touching. And I did out myself on facebook! We don't need to hide any longer!

Catrisha T said...

Amazing. You gave me goosebumps and made me cry. Thank you for taking a stand to promote awareness. I hope CNN publishes this video. I posted in my blog as well.

http://itty-bitty-baby-dreams.blogspot.com/2010/05/inspiration.html

Journeywoman said...

I'm crying right now. Thank you thank you thank you.

Erin said...

Keiko, that was absolutely beautiful and inspiring and touching in so many ways. It's very hard to "come out" regarding infertility because so few people understand what it's really like. I've come out a lot in the past few years. Many, many thanks to you for helping raise awareness and being so brave and honest with your story.

lindsey said...

Thank you for saying everything that my pride and humor keeps me from saying. Even though everyone knows my struggles and watches the pain daily, most don't truly get it. I have been posting your video everywhere in hope that one person comes out of the closet or one person understands what someone else is going through. simply, inspirational.

Suzanne said...

This couldn't have come at a worse time. I am so emotional over this issue. I don't define who I am by my infertility, but the desire to have a child is so stong i can't stand it. We have adopted, and we adopted a child at birth, I wanted to breast feed, but it freaked my husband out, just the thought so I didn't That was problem #1. I love my son with everything that is in me, but the desire to have a child is so strong in me. The adoption thing was a fluke, and I have no idea how that even happend because we are not in that finacial realm. But anyway, I hate to be told, well it's this or that reason. I want to be told how to fix it. I feel like less of a human, not so much as a women. People are suppose to procreate, that's what we do.

ifcrossroads said...

Wow! I have tears. This is fantastic, just fantastic!

DGibbon said...

Wow is an understatement. I have been lucky enough to find the infertility treatment that worked for us - but having friends currently going through "what if's" - this video has brought me to tears. Very well done - I plan to share it will everyone I know. Thank you.

Shauna said...

Love it! Love it! Love it! As part of the *american dream shouldn't those that want it have a bit of help? Like you said.. 1 egg that may not implant is soooo expensive and devistating if it doesn't work! Fabulous video! It made me cry a little bit too.

Jen said...

Just lovely. Thank you so much.

Anonymous said...

We recently found out that my husband and I are dealing with infertility on the male side. It has been the most horrible experience trying to find anyone who can help us. We have been trying to get pregnant before my husband goes overseas for his first tour of duty in Afghanistan. I wanted a part of him always with me. We are afraid and embarrassed to tell anyone. this helps a little. thank you, I have felt so alone.

Becky said...

This is incredible. I cried from the first What IF on. I live in the Boston suburbs and I wish there was a way I could reach out and hug you. Your strength is amazing and your video is raw and powerful. Thank you.

Fighting Infertility said...

Bravo! I have to say that this is one of the most courageous things I have seen done to show the many battle scars that people who are fighting infertility go through on a daily basis! Thank you so very much Keiko, you ROCK GIRL!

Sara said...

Awesome!!! You are amazing.

Accidental Poet said...

I came here from Julie at alittlepregnant - my adopted children are 10 and 14 and your video still made me cry.

You go, girl.

Anonymous said...

I received my answer to my "why is it taking so long for us" question yesterday. I am confused and lost and although my husband is a wonderful supporting loving person I feel completely alone. THANK YOU SO MUCH! You have let me know there are others feeling & going through the same.

Kate said...

Wow, another IFer who you made cry. Beautifully done video.
I've been vocal about my inferility and losses to friends and family. And when I finally got to 24 weeks and felt ok posting an announcent on fcebook, I made sure to say our pg came after 4 years of struggling, two losses, and two rounds of IVF. Because I though it might help some "friend" suffering in silence to feel less alone.
Good luck to you!

myinfertilitywoes said...

oh my. thanks for visiting my blog and THANK YOU SO MUCH for making this video. I'm going to put it up on facebook and will blog about it this week. You are amazing. Thank you for being so amazing. I wish you all the best on your journey and look forward to your updates.

Megan said...

This video is a gift to the IF community. Thank you.

audrey said...

Thank you for a very moving & powerful video. Helps me understand my own sister going thru this. Keiko, as your name means...you're truly blessed & adored by your fellow sisters in the IF community.

squarepeg said...

My goodness. Thank you. This is amazing.

Amy said...

Rock on, Keiko. Your video really touched me. Can't wait to see what you do next!

Andie said...

Keiko, you are incredible. A completely amazing video...well done.

You absolutely moved me to tears - can't stop crying.

Congrats on your adoption. I hope everything goes smoothly for you.

callmemama said...

Beautiful video. Thank you so much for the tears - I think I really needed to let them fall tonight.
You are a truly brave and beautiful woman.

edenland said...

This is a beautiful, heart wrenching video. I wish you love and peace as you go along your journey, Keiko. XO

Phoebe said...

Bravo! What if I lose myself along the way? Been there, done that. I'm still working on re-defining myself, what it means to be a mother, and what it means to be a woman, without my own biological children. I think your video summed up all the questions that those of us struggling with IF deal with.

conceptionallychallenged said...

This made me cry. And smile. Thank you.

Linds84 said...

Ok I guess I'll be the bad guy and come out and say it. This video gave me a headache and vertigo. The subject matter is so heart-rending but the execution could have been better

Melissa Ives said...

This is...wow. I asked myself those questions so many times.

Beckie's Infertile said...

Thanks for the video, it was touching and beautiful!

It made my day!

I have posted it on my blog with a link to your site!

Thanks again!

Shanel said...

I don't remember if I commented already or not... but this video was very touching and really hit a lot of my ow questions and concerns... it was a great idea to do this and I know it must have helped a lot of people.

crabbiegreen said...

thank you, i have been through my own infertility struggle with miraculous result after many tears. and i've already, "moved on." you have reminded me that just because my struggle is over, it doesn't mean other women continue with it every day. thank you for reminding me to continue to advocate for my sisters who are now where i have been!

Mrs. T said...

We've been trying to get pregnant for 5 years... Has anyone thought of trying alternative therapies? Acupuncture, herbs and yoga have been known to work very well for many people I know. Try reading Dr. Randine Lewis' book "The Infertility Cure". It's amazing and instills SO much hope.

Sonya said...

Keiko - thank you so much for putting a voice to my inner thoughts....when i watched the video it was as if i was talking out loud. i dont know you but i am SO proud of you and your inner strength, determination and positivity.

my email is moicrash@gmail.com please feel free to write to me, i'd love to hear from you and learn what i can do more to create awareness and acceptance.

Thank you again.

Lindsay Kelley said...

http://thekelleyjourney.blogspot.com/2010/05/what-if.html

Kitty said...

Thank you for the video, I've posted it on my website, those questions I've asked myself time and time again. It brought tears to my eyes because through this journey I've realised that there is not enough awareness out there about infertility and wondered how one could create awareness. Thank you for what you're doing!
www.kitty8218.blogspot.com

Kris and Scott said...

Yes yes yes! Talking about infertility is like talking about your income--you just don't do it. I am posting your video on my blog too, in hopes that it will get friends/family to think. I hope to have your courage to talk about IF...

cindy psbm said...

Hi, I'm Cindy. I am a birthmom who placed four years ago.

I just wanted you to know I posted your video on a private forum site that's just for birthmoms.

So far one member didn't understand why I did that, and another really really loved it.

I am not dealing with infertility at all(cause I don't need to have a baby right now) but I really like your attitude.

I wish you much success with advocating awareness about this very important issue

foxypopcorn said...

Incredible. Powerful. Brilliant. Inspired.
and so true.

Anonymous said...

Wow - you captured all the emotions I had for over two years going through fertility treatments. Thank you for your strength and courage. You are an inspiration!

Princess Jo said...

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.....

I am off to share this with my facebook friends and on my blog.

Jo

Mrs.Wood2126 said...

Thank you!! It says so much!! You will be on my blog and my facebook page!! Thank you again

Brandi said...

I just watched the video at work no less, I teared up. Logically I know what I feel is not unique to me yet I feel it is. To see my what if's makes me feel less alone and less crazy.

Thanks for creating this

Brandi said...

I forgot to mention, I also have POF and have only meet a few other woman in my area via our local support group.

AubreyRose @ My Simple Everyday said...

Amazing video. You are truly an inspiration.

Jenny said...

truly heartbreaking and inspiring at the same time. Just found your blog and have added this video to mine.

http://jennywithendo.blogspot.com/

Kaity May said...

I saw your video on a blog I follow. It touched my heart, you put into words what so many of us dealing with IF feel. Thank you so much.

I wanted to let you know that I am going to spread your word a little more by posting this video in my blog.

http://lifeaskaityknowsit.blogspot.com/

Once again thank you for being a voice for us.

sulfababy said...

Keiko, thanks for making the video. It is beautifully honest. I shared it with my blog readers here, which you magically already found and responded to. ;) THANK YOU!

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful video. thank you.

Anonymous said...

This video made me cry, your struggle and quest resonates so much with me, except I keep silent when wishing I could be more like you... we need more people like you in the world - thank you so much for sharing!

LifeOnBettina said...

Along with the majority of those playing this phenomenal video for the first time, I incessantly balled my eyes out ... but a little less the second, and a little less the third, and almost not at all the fourth ... and by that time I felt truly empowered. Thank you so much for sharing this.

I have posted a link to the video in the "Coping With Infertility" section on IVF.ca

Summastarlet said...

I already said it in my other comment but this video is amazing!!

Thank you so much!!!

I am off to share on my blog (http://summastarlet.blogspot.com/)and on Facebook (I am trying to educate my friends and family on IF and just how hard it is).

Thank you again. xx

Kelli said...

This is amazing and I cry every time I watch it. Great job! I just added it to my blog..please stop by sometime..I am new to this. http://beforetheclockstrikestwelve.blogspot.com/
Thank you! And thank you for all your amazing work with the PETA mess.

lifewithoutbaby said...

Hi Keiko,
Wonderful job on this video or for getting out there and getting this important subject talked about.

I have opted to live childfree after infertility, so I really appreciate the idea of redefining family. I have a family, two, plus a cat. :-)

I plan to post your video on my blog on Monday April 25 in honor of NIAW. Please drop by and check out our community.

http://lifewithoutbaby.wordpress.com/

barrenlazza said...

Hi Keiko

Thank you for your video. It has made me weep. You have expressed all the feelings I have experienced about my infertility.

You have also inspired me to think more about being an infertility advocate in this country (Australia).

All the best with your personal struggle, as well as with raising awareness and support for all infertiles.

I hope you don't mind if I link to your video on my blog?

BarrenLazza (aka Laura Tulloch)
laurajtulloch@gmail.com