In Consideration of the Car Seat.

Ain't she a beaut? Too bad she can't really drive up hills.

My lease is up in April, so it's off to the car dealerships we go. That's me in 2008, just a couple of days after we got my Civic Hybrid. I named my first new car Barracuda. True story: I was really into Guitar Hero at the time, and played that song almost daily. I was so excited to get a new car; I had been driving my aunt's old Mercury Tracer that got into an accident on my way to work (I'm fine, the car was not). Shopping for the car was fun and exciting, our first big purchase as the new Mr. & Mrs. Zoll. Barracuda has had a good run and if we had to do it all over again, I would have probably picked another car. Don't get me wrong: I've enjoyed the yuppie smugness that comes with owning a hybrid, but I've realized after three years of driving her, I also enjoy things like horsepower and a spacious trunk.

Trunk space issues aside, it's the horsepower that kills me: 108 horsepower. That's all she's got. It makes things like "merging into high speed traffic" and "driving through snow" or the ever fun "just trying to accelerate up a slight hill" um, how shall I put it... extremely fucking difficult challenging? So yeah, when we turn in Barracuda, I'll be shopping for another vehicle. Not to wander too far into car shopping territory, but I'd like to stick with Honda. They make some damn solid cars, but they haven't updated the Civic since 2006. For the price, I'd like to see something new.

We're toying with the idea of Hyundai, Toyota, and perhaps Scion, although according to Car and Driver, they're built more for audiophiles than car lovers. We also plan on checking out Subaru, but they might be out of our price range. And then there's Fiat, finally coming to the US in just a few weeks (first demo car gets to Worcester next week!) which thanks to our love of the UK's Top Gear, we're really excited at the possibility to test drive the Fiat 500. We're also seriously considering Volkswagon, and if the old Routan Boom commercials with Brooke Shields are to be believed, it should cure our fertility woes pronto!



This is what I like to call a commercial that tries WAY too hard to be funny. Way to hard.
Basically, I'm in the market for something compact, 4-door and with more than 120 horsepower. Good gas mileage is a bonus, but not a deal-breaker. Oh, and room for a car seat. Yes. Room for a car seat. Shopping for a car is now remarkably similar to when we were looking to buy a house: 3 bedroom - a master bedroom, an office, and "room to grow."

I want to be optimistic about pursuing IVF, I really do. But the fact of the matter is that there's no guarantee if this is going to work. So once again, we are in the market for a major life purchase that will hopefully fit our hopes to build our family, but like the "room to grow" - well, there's just no guarantee we'll be able to fill that space. Infertility is so much about that sense of emptiness, of space we desperately want to fill, be it spare bedrooms, car seats, or the aching in our hearts.

Infertility has also filled me with a (un)healthy dose of pragmatism so that part of me totally realizes we can plan for a car seat as much as we want to - doesn't mean we'll ever buy one. Bleak, yes, but I'm just being a realist. Infertility has taught me that nothing is guaranteed in life.

I know this post is a bit of a downer. I try to write about what life is really like for someone dealing with IF. I probably come off as neurotic and I don't care. But this is the reality of things: even buying a car is fraught with the stress of whether or not we'll be able to have children. 

As much as I would love to drive around that sporty, zippy little Fiat 500, it's completely impractical for strapping in a car seat. I also don't want to drive around a mammoth minivan because I'm just not a minivan kind of gal. (My dream car is a cream Mini Cooper with black racing stripes. Again, not really suitable for children or even groceries.) We're still toying with the idea of whether we lease or buy, so our next car, if we're so blessed, could potentially see us through the late elementary school years of a young child.

Or maybe that back seat stays empty. We just have no way of knowing right now, but we need to plan for the best case scenario. I just can't help but remain somewhat skeptical until I'm proven otherwise.

Let's lighten up the mood, shall we? What kind of car do you drive? What do you love/hate about it? I'm in the new car buyin' market, so don't be shy ;)