As a society, we don't like to talk about infertility because it's fraught with such a cultural stigma of shame and silence. But when a disease affects nearly 7.3 million people, it begs the question:
Why aren't we talking about infertility more?
Sometimes it takes all of our strength just to make it through this cycle, just to make it through our best friend's baby shower, or even just to make it through today. We take it one day at a time. Our journeys are lined with heartbreak, headaches, insurance claims, insensitive but well-meaning comments and yet despite all this: we find moments of profound clarity, wisdom, and even joy, if we allow ourselves.
Infertility changes the people we've become.
While there are painful moments in our journeys, I hope you'll join me as I try to channel these emotions into something positive for this community. I hope you'll celebrate my joys and rage at my sorrows. Most of all, I hope you'll hold my hand as I take brave steps into a family-building future I never imagined.
I'm Keiko Zoll. I'm 29 years old, happily married to my high school sweetheart and soulmate, Larry, and living with infertility.
At the end of the day, all I want is to be a mom.
We are more than our infertility.
Infertility may have changed me, but it doesn't define me.
I'm a total nerd; I play Magic: The Gathering and love to watch Top Gear UK. I love to fish but I'm hardly your typical "outdoorsy" gal - far from it, in fact. Writing helps me stay sane but it also keeps my brain agile. I'm a classic INFP and Gemini: scatterbrained, deep, passionate, loyal. I'm a rather spunky half-Japanese Jew-by-choice.
I also have the two cutest cats in the whole wide world, Saba and Toro.
My husband, Larry, and I are head over heels in love; we've been married since January 2008 and dated for 7 years prior, plus 2 years in high school. We're foodies and pretend wine-snobs. We love to travel. We get bored easily so we're always on the go and looking for all things novel, exciting, and engaging. We're gadget and technology freaks. Did I mention we are totally, 100%, absolutely, positively in love?
Infertility may have robbed us of the chance to have a genetic child, but our marriage is even stronger.
Our journey so far...
I was diagnosed with primary ovarian insufficiency (formerly known as premature ovarian failure) in 2009 at age 26, just three months after our first wedding anniversary. We were not actively trying at the time. I also have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, an auto-immune thyroid disease. My doctors believe the two are linked.
We initially wanted to breeze past treatment and head right into adoption, but we've changed our minds and now plan to pursue IVF with donor egg. We hope to select a donor by the end of 2011 with a plan for screening, retrieval and transfer by early spring of 2012.
What IF we don't give up hope?
What started as an anonymous/pseudonym blog to keep my friends and family informed of our family-building efforts has grown into something much bigger. I feel a responsibility to give back to the community that's been there for me in the darkest days of my journey. I want to share with you the resources and support that have been extended to me.
Your journey, your story - your voice - is important, valid, and meaningful.
Whether you're a first-time reader, been reading since day one, newly diagnosed, or you've been in the trenches for years: welcome.
I'm so sorry that we share this burden in common but at least you now know you're not alone. Let's explore this maddening journey together and keep each other going.
Let's remind ourselves what it means to have hope.
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