An Overview of Adopting in Massachusetts: Part 1

After a day of house-hunting (I promise I'll update this week about this new piece of news in our life), I finally have some time to post about my experience at the RESOLVE of New England Adoption Decision Making Seminar that Larry and I went to yesterday. We're pretty set on our intent to adopt an infant domestically, and boy, did we learn a lot at this seminar. I won't be able to capture all of the info from yesterday, but hope to provide a general overview of what the process will most likely be for Larry and I. There is so much information to share that I'm going to split this into 2 posts.

Larry and I were just two of about 40 people who were in attendance. The seminar was lead by Betsy Hochberg of Adoption Resources, Dale Eldridge of Adoption Choices, and Sarah Groff of MAPS Worldwide. Betsy and Dale led the conversation on domestic adoption and Sarah the portion on international adoption. At the end of the day, we listened to a panel of three recent adoptive parents: two domestic and one international.

It was an all-day seminar jam-packed with lots of information. We were certainly overwhelmed by it all; we were also both emotionally and physically exhausted from everything that went on this week and the rather dreary weather did not help. We ended out taking a long lunch and skipping the international session because a) we really want to adopt child younger than a year (the youngest children internationally are ~1 year old right now) and b) were we just zapped from the first session. Information overload, and we needed to decompress for a little bit.

We got a very thorough overview of how domestic infant adoption works here in Massachusetts. The process is pretty straightforward:

1. Find an agency.
2. Complete a homestudy.
3. Complete an adoptive parent profile.
4. Make a match with birthparent(s).
5. Birthparent(s) terminate rights and adoptive parents receive child.
6. Finalize adoption.

Looks simple, right? Oh heavens, if only it were.

Finding an Agency
In Massachusetts, adoptive parents are required to utilize a licensed, not for profit agency. MA is one of only three states that mandate this by law. At first I thought this was some racket between adoption agencies and the state, but I was reminded that these are non-profit organizations, and that this system makes sure that services are provided for the birthparent(s). We can choose from private agencies who specialize in voluntary placements or elect to pursue foster placement. Larry and I have previously discussed the latter option and we agree that private domestic infant adoption is more in line with our parenting goals, especially given our younger age.

Betsy and Dale pointed out three things to consider when choosing an agency: wait time, cost, and fit. The best way to pick an agency, they recommend, is to attend their open houses and take the time to make sure that those three things are in line with your goals. There are two types of agencies: full-service, who require a flat fee that covers everything (including an adoption fall-through) and those that pay variable fees attached to the birthparent(s). The latter carries a greater financial risk should an adoption fall-through, but the overall cost to the adoptive couple is generally cheaper.

Due to demographics, local birthparents are few and far between in MA. As such, couples often work with both their MA agency and another agency, adoption attorney, or adoption facilitator in other states where the birthparent pool is greater (think Bible Belt). Fees are split accordingly: homestudy fees for the MA agency, placement fees with the respective placing agency. All finalization and post-placement costs are paid to the MA agency. Complicated stuff.

Completing the Homestudy
The homestudy is a series of meetings between the adoptive parents and a social worker. At a statutory minimum, there are about three to four meetings, but every agency has different requirements. Most meetings will be with the couple, but there will be an individual meeting with each adoptive parent as well. The prospective adoptive couple will need to provide all sorts of paperwork: tax returns, marriage license, my name change documentation, Larry's personal business info, 3 letters of reference, and a letter from both of our doctors. We will also need to complete a full background check: sex offender, credit history, criminal background, and FBI fingerprinting clearance. The FBI fingerprinting is now a requirement for ALL domestic adoptions within the US, so it's kind of undergoing what the Passport Agency did when it changed the requirements for passport usage back in 2008: it is now inundated with requests. A normally 2-3 week clearance takes about 12 weeks now. The entire homestudy process can take anywhere from 2-3 months, and all of this is compiled into an actual homestudy document. This document will then be seen by the judge once an adoption is finalized.

Social workers aren't looking to turn down prospective adoptive parents; it's a rarity. And it's totally not fair that adoptive parents have to go through such an intensive process when parents who are able to get pregnant (naturally or otherwise) don't. The social workers completely understand the unfairness, but it doesn't change the process. As such, adoptive parents should be honest and open about what they're looking for and who they are. This is really the way that the social workers get to know the couple, and can ultimately help to determine to whom their profiles are shown. Dale went on to discuss that at her agency, the final homestudy meeting is an in-depth discussion with the couple regarding their child parameters, and what kind of child or match they could be comfortable parenting: special needs, race, birthparent(s) situation, a child of rape, a child with an unknown birthfather, etc. Heavy stuff, but a valuable conversation nonetheless.

The Adoptive Parent Profile
Part scrapbook, part autobiography, the profile is what agencies will show to birthparents, and upon which they will base a potential match. It will talk about us, our relationship, our families, our community and lifestyle. It will also include a letter to our potential birhtparent. We got some great advice from the panel on what to include. As a graphic designer and writer, I am really looking forward to creating our profile. Once the profile is complete, it will be shown to birthparents that meet our criteria.

A birthparent typically looks at about 4-6 profile books. One of the things that Dale and Betsy recommended was that our vision of our ideal child could change over time, and that the more open and flexible we could become, the greater our chances of finding a match sooner. Wait time, generally is about 12-18 months on average. I personally know of folks who've waited much less time, and we met folks who waited substantially longer at the panel. They also recommended that we set a case-by-case standard for various parameters, i.e., if we say no to any birthmother who smoked, we could be waiting longer. However, if we say we'll consider that parameter on a case-by-case basis, it gives us the flexibility to ask: how long did she smoke? What did she smoke? We have the opportunity to research the situation a little further and then make a determination. Blanket decisions on parameters generally don't work in the couple's favor.

I asked about legislation about advertising to potential birthparents, as parent-identified matches are totally doable. While we can't take out an ad in say, the Boston Globe or on CraigsList, we can certainly put our profile book online... or create an adoption specific blog. I expect once we get the ball rolling I'll be creating another blog (bringing my total up to 5- that's right, 5 blogs) for our birthparent recruitment efforts since it seems that most MA couples adopt out of state.

Adoption Matching
Birthparents come to adoption agencies in a variety of ways. Local birthparents will meet with an agency here in a face-to-face meeting and submit their medical history. The agency will provide reasonable costs and financial assistance until the child is born. They are asked what families are of interest to them: what situation would be ideal for their child? They make a hospital plan and are given extensive counseling by an agency social worker. The SW will thorough probe the birthparent about why they want to create an adoption plan for their child, and fully explore the birthparent's options.

Once all of this has been completed and the birthparents' preferences noted, the agency will pick appropriate profile books to show the birthparent. We heard stories of how the littlest, most random thing in someone's profile could inspire a match: a picture of swimming with dolphins; a picture of a relative that looked like one of the birthparents' relatives; travel to foreign countries the birthparent would want their child to see. It would seem that matching is the result of timing and luck.

With all the preliminaries out of the way, I'll save all of the "baby comes home" stage for the second part of this series. Check out An Overview of Adopting in Massachusetts: Part 2 here.

(Photo by William Whyte via Flickr.)