Now that I've had nearly a whole day to digest the conference... let me sum it up for you: wow. We left bright and early and had a long day ahead of us. Eight hours of discussing infertility can be pretty exhausting, and I won't lie: it was. Yet at the end of the day I felt exhilarated.
We officially had more attendees this year than last year; we even had close to 20 walk-in registrants! I don't know the final number, but I think we were just over 200 attendees. I finally got to meet (and spend more than 2 minutes talking to) some fabulous bloggers, including Melissa from Stirrup Queens and Jes from Baby Bump Bound. I also met a couple of readers - shoutouts to Moira and Victoria! We had folks coming from Vermont and Maine and Boston and Quincy and Schenectady, New York.
The most profound fact that I realized at the end of the day, however, was realizing that just last year, Larry and I were coming as wide-eyed, overwhelmed, newly diagnosed attendees. This year, we came back as volunteers and the experience was much more different for us this time around; in a good way, of course.
I experienced both blinder and reverse blinder effects. Last year, I was wearing blinders on my emotional experience; I was looking through a tunnel of my own pain and grieving with only minimally reaching out to others. This year, as a volunteer, the blinders came off. In interacting with so many other people: attendees, other volunteers, vendors, and speakers, I saw a much broader emotional spectrum. Sure, I still saw that same pain, grief, and even frustration, but I think my role as a volunteer, combined with my recognizability from my video, there was a greater sense of openness, of connection with people there. Last year it took all I had to be able to open up and share in the last session of the day, "Dealing with the Outside World." This year, I was sharing everything from my upcoming 2nd opinion appointment to the ways I've been able to cope- and not cope- in the last year.
By that same token, last year, I felt like I was inundated with an overload of information. This year, I had my information-gathering blinders on. Since I didn't attend every session and was concentrating on a) making sure I was performing my duties b) connecting and networking with folks and c) live blogging throughout the day, my attentions were divided and so I feel like I walked away with substantially less information this year. But that's okay - like I said above, the connections alone I made with people were worth the experience.
I also talked with a fellow RESOLVE of New England member about the vibe this year - definitely a different vibe. We both agreed that last year there were lots more couples appearing stressed out at the end of the day. This year: smiles, laughter, and again, seeing people reaching out and talking with others. I also noticed the crowd this year appeared younger. I remember distinctly feeling in the age minority last year whereas this year, I saw a good number of couples that appeared in the "under 30" crowd. It was great to see that with a larger attendance the overall vibe was both more positive and the crowd younger.
I'm going to post my theories, totally unscientifically researched, about why this year felt different.
1. The economy was really in the crapper this time last year. I remember last year freaking out about being able to even afford to come. We were very lucky and very grateful to receive a scholarship for the both of us to attend. When you're at a Family Building Conference and realize that even with the Massachusetts Infertility Mandate, ART or adoption is going to cost you anywhere from $15 - $40K, I'm sure that would put anyone in a foul mood. I'm not saying the economy has snapped back, but it's certainly better this year than it was this time last year.
2. Increased media coverage of infertility (even negative) in the past year. I know we are still dealing with the aftermath of Octomom and yes, we're still wrestling with the ethical dilemmas of the 70-year old first-time mother in India or the 57-year old new mother of twins in Australia - but we've had some good press too. And with shows like Giuliana & Bill and their efforts with RESOLVE National, I think there has been a shift in the infertility media landscape. The most important thing is that the media is covering infertility, people are talking about it. With increasing dialogue I think comes an openness to making connections with others in the same boat.
3. An aggressive social media campaign. I know I'm certainly part of this, from blogging and tweeting and Facebooking every chance I could about the Conference, but it was all a part of a larger strategy by RESOLVE of New England to reach out to a broader audience through the online channels of which we're attuned. And I have to say, I think the strategy worked.
In sum, I think this was an incredibly successful conference, one that I'm proud not only to have been a part of, but proud to see how far we've come in a year. I am by no means "over" my infertility or finished grieving or living emotionally well with all of this - but we have come a helluva long way in a year. I find that inspiring for myself, and I hope it inspires and gives you hope too.
If I didn't see you at the Conference this year... I hope it's because you've resolved in some way. And if you haven't, I'll still be there next year.
1 comment:
Keiko,
Thank you for this run-down of the Resolve Conference. I'm impressed, as always, with how you employ self-awareness to get the most out of everything you do. Instead of coming away from an event involving 200 people thinking about the logistics of planning, organizing and providing a substantive program, you notice how much information you were able to absorb, your emotional receptiveness, the personal connections you were able to make, and the level of inner strength you have built up.
If nothing else, your blog post shows other infertile men and women how, they too may evolve over the course of a year: naivete is replaced with a certain knowingness, confusion and desperation are replaced by a sense of purpose and possibly, a plan, and thin skin grows thicker. Infertile couples need to know that they will not always feel as bad as they might today. It's essential to convey, that as bleak as it may seem sometimes, with groups like Resolve helping the infertility community build awareness, make valuable contacts and feel heard out in the wider world, we are in a far better place than we ever were before. You have a knack for doing that. You are a wonderful ambassador for Resolve. Keep up the great work!
Lisa
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