Showing posts with label Good Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Good Stuff. Show all posts

July 8, 2011

The Blog Hop Extravaganza of Talent!

As a way to celebrate my blog moving to WordPress, I wanted to host a huge extravaganza celebration. An extravaganza of talent, even. I present to you...

THE BLOG HOP EXTRAVAGANZA OF TALENT!

The Blog Hop Extravaganza of Talent


So often we're only known to our readers by our words. It's time to step out from the monitor and show off our talents! Whether you sing, dance, read poetry, show off a magic trick, twirl a baton - whatever - share your talent with the blogosphere. It's a great opportunity for your readers to get to know you in a totally new context! And... I'm just looking for an excuse to sing on camera for y'all.

No judges, no prizes... just showing off our talents for the sake of showing off!

Submissions to the Blog Hope Extravaganza of Talent will be open to anyone in the blogosphere - ALI or otherwise - from July 8th to August 3rd.

The entire Talent Show will be featured on August 5th at right here at Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed.

To participate in the Blog Hop Extravaganza of Talent, there are 6 simple steps.

Step 1: Sign up below. Let the world know you plan to participate!


Step 2: Film your talent act.
Nothing fancy - even just using your own webcam is perfectly acceptable. No need to jazz it up in iMovie either; just hit record and go to town! That said, take the following into consideration:
  • All talents are welcome: are you a closet ventriloquist? A baton-twirling Olympian? A multi-generational magician? Share it with us!
  • Your video should be no more than 5 minutes long.
  • Nothing obscene or whatnot. Videos should be SFW.

Step 3: Upload your video to Vimeo.
I like Vimeo. It's where I host all of my videos. It's a lot less spammy than YouTube. Don't forget: when you upload your video, make sure to include the name of your blog and a link to it in the video description. Vimeo doesn't accept HTML tags in descriptions, so just copy and paste your blog link right into the description. If you upload your video to any other site, you won't be able to add it to the Vimeo Group below.

Step 4: Add your video to the Blog Hop Extravaganza of Talent Vimeo Group.
After you upload your video, head to the dedicated Vimeo Group linked above. Click on "Upload Video to Group" and follow the instructions. Ta da! Added.

Step 5: Tell others that you're performing in the Blog Hop Extravaganza of Talent!
Snag the blog badge above and feel free to link up to this post or to the Vimeo Group URL. Tweet about it, Facebook it - share with any and all who might be interested in joining!

To add the badge, copy the following code below:

<a href="http://hannahweptsarahlaughed.blogspot.com/2011/07/blog-hop-extravaganza-of-talent.html"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrIjtd3RCTYbiJKBMN6NvHUFYWm-kMqsI_UciyXjNF2RGKjohbB2XMy8of-IbPcQjOeFbegp_fWiOvVioqNAzbwySK0LaDpxTfs1YqOIU6ZmjyMzmOKDnmC7m6vATArCpjIoDwei_Znpo/s1600/Blog+Hop+Extravaganza+of+Talent+Badge+300x100.jpg" alt="Blog Hop Extravaganza of Talent" /></a>

Step 6: Come back on Friday, August 5th to see the show!
I'll embed all participating videos into one giant blog post for your viewing pleasure. No judging, no awards - just us stepping from behind all the words on our blogs and sharing our talents with the world!

So... who's in? Who's with me?

July 4, 2011

Sometimes life without kids is awesome.

Infertility sucks, I admit that. But sometimes, life without children isn't necessarily always a bad thing. I figured it's a long holiday weekend for most for the 4th, so it seemed appropriate to share a vacation story to illustrate my point.

Let me tell you about the Corvette.

Back in January 2009, Larry and I took a road trip from San Francisco to San Diego. Our airfare was paid for with credit card points - roundtrip. We had friends in the major cities along the way so we didn't have to worry about hotel costs. And we even had a discount on our rental car. We we hoping to snag a Nissan 350z convertible. When we arrived at SFO, the rental car company had totally screwed up our reservation and informed us there were no convertibles on the lot.

Well... no convertibles except for the premium tier Corvettes.

This really should be the preferred mode of transport for all California road trips.

To which we said, "Um- yesplease." And because the rental car company had screwed up, we got it at the same price as what we would have paid for the 350z.

When Larry put the key in the ignition for the first time and it roared - literally roared - to life, we started laughing hysterically at the absurdity of the situation. It was a hard top convertible and our luggage (two carry-ons packed to the gills) just barely fit in the trunk when packed down with the hard top. And lucky for us, the weather forecast was glorious for the next five days.

That car was a beast. We tore up the freeways and the Pacific Coast Highway was both terrifying and beautiful at the same time, as we whipped around hairpin turns at upwards of 40 mph with hundred foot drops into the Pacific Ocean just inches from our tires. When I wasn't having height-related panic attacks, it was pretty damn incredible.

The Pacific Coast Highway, just north of Big Sur.

We took this trip just a few months before I was diagnosed. At any rate, I vividly remember turning to Larry at one point, the sun beating down on us, my hair in tangles as it caught in the wind and saying:

"I know I've been baby crazy lately, but there's no way in hell we could strap a car seat to the back of this monster." I mean, it was physically impossible: there was no back seat.

"Yeah, this is nice," Larry agreed.

While life without children can be frustrating and sad, there are other times that Larry and I really take advantage of our childless status.

Take eating, for example. We don't have to scramble to find a babysitter or load up Team Zoll #3 into the car anytime we randomly decide to go out to eat. Many of the places we go aren't exactly baby-friendly either: Marliave, Les Zygomates, B&G Oysters, Highland Kitchen, the Lyceum here in Salem... Right now we're looking forward to our reservation at Menton to celebrate Larry's new job. We rescheduled our reservation from our wedding anniversary and we've been talking about it for months.

Our insane multi-course kaiseki meal in Arima, Japan.

While it's totally possible to be a foodie at home, we love to go out to eat. Without children, not only do we have the freedom and flexibility to do so, but the extra money, to be quite honest.

Traveling is certainly easier. I can't imagine 13 days in Japan with a small child, at least not with our itinerary. We're planning another overseas trip sometime in the early fall, hopefully to the Bretagne region of France. Again - much easier to plan and do without children. (To be very honest: I have no idea how you even get a passport for an infant.)

And then there's the random things: fishing for a few hours at a stretch in Rockport or Gloucester, like I did this weekend (and got the worst sunburn of my life). Now, if we had children, it's very likely one of us would have to stay home with the little one while the other one gets to sit out overlooking the Atlantic with a bucket of bait and hours to kill.

The first fish I ever caught off Burton Island in Lake Champlain.

Or the spontaneous movie night decision, like when we saw The Trip last week (food porn galore, witty banter, but oh G-d, depressing as hell ending). If it wasn't for our need for dinner immediately following the movie, we would have stayed to see the Conan O'Brien documentary playing right after, rolling home close to midnight.

For as painful as infertility can be sometimes, it's just nice to have that freedom and flexibility as a family of two right now. That's part of how we make this journey easier for ourselves too; we take advantage of that freedom because we know things will be very different once we have children.

A lot of that freedom will be lost so we'll have to get creative to still maintain at least a smidgen of our current lifestyle. Maybe we don't get out to Marliave so much and we end up cooking a little more gourmet at home. Maybe we don't get out to the movies as much but that's what Netflix is for. And traveling with small children is more than possible, but we'll need a little time to figure it all out.

But until then, we're going to enjoy our time as us, because sometimes life without kids is awesome.

See? No room for a car seat behind us... and that's okay for now.

June 25, 2011

Happy Birthday to My Favorite Niece

Of course, you're my only niece... but still. Uncle Larry and I are so excited to see you grow from the tiny baby we saw on the day you were born into a lovely young woman. I can't believe it's been a year since you were born. I'll see you in just a few hours, but while I'm on the road, I want to share my birthday wishes for you with the whole wide world.

Happy First Birthday Willow!

It's amazing to believe one year ago today you were just a tiny little baby, all swaddled up...



Now look at you:


How absolutely beautiful. Your Mom & Dad make adorable-lookin' babies. 

Watch out boys: we got ourselves a heartbreaker here.

Happiest of many more birthdays to come, Little One!

June 20, 2011

Would you like to take a survey? (With Giveaway Goodness)

"Do you like to eat beans? Do you like George Wendt? Would you like to eat beans with George Wendt?"

Oh Animaniacs, you were the silliest. Remember their sketch about the Survey Ladies? (If you don't, here's a brief refresher.) There's something about that sketch that has stayed with me all these years such that now, whenever I think of surveys, I immediately think of Animaniacs.

While I'm not asking you about beans or George Wendt, I am interested in hearing your opinions about this blog. As I wrote about last week, I'm really starting to think about what I'm doing with this blog and how to make it a fab experience for all involved.

To that effect, I'm running a survey about this blog and your experience and interactions with it between now and July 3, 2011.

If you complete this survey, you also have the option of participating in a giveaway for a $25 Visa Gift Card. Why? Because bribing people to take surveys works, says the incentivist Communications Major. No seriously, though - I'm invested in shelling out a little money to get folks to open up about their experiences with this blog.

Your responses will be kept confidential and, as weird as this sounds, used only for marketing purposes. I'm looking to find out what it is that draws people to my blog, keeps them reading, and what makes them connect with the material.

Giveaway Rules
  1. This giveaway is for one (1) $25.00 USD Visa Gift Card.
  2. Limit one entry per participant.
  3. Valid email address must be provided.
  4. Entries will be accepted until 11:59pm US Eastern Standard Time on Sunday, July 3, 2011.
  5. A winner will be chosen at random on Monday, July 4, 2011.
  6. The winner will be contacted via email at the email address they provided during the week of July 3, 2011.
  7. The winner will be announced on Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed during the week of July 3, 2011.
So... would you like to take a survey?

UPDATE: The survey has closed. Thank you to all who participated - your feedback has been tremendously helpful. The winner of the giveaway is Jo from MoJo Working.

June 15, 2011

What's Shakin?

(Salem Willows Pier, May 2011)
Random update post = random pic.
I've been fishing a bunch lately.
Figured I was overdue for a "What's going on in my life" post. If you're reading my blog in something other than a reader, you may have noticed I've gone a bit... design crazy. I posted a new header a month or so ago, I've been tweaking the background color, and oh, huh, look at that: ads and paid ad space. Right, so... about that. Rather than just making all these changes and hoping no one will notice, I figured it was time to come clean about all the changes happening around here.

So let's see, where to begin? I've been participating in The SITS Girls 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge. We're on day 11 today. So, between now and when this challenge ends sometime mid-July, I'm sure there will be other little tweaks and changes along the way. I'll also be experimenting with post types and content, just to see how I can play with things here a little bit. Whether it's the occasional list post or dabbling in a bit of creative non-fiction, it's the summer. I want to keep things interesting here and spruce up my blog overall.

Right, so the other big thing: ads. Yes, you too can purchase ad space on my blog. You may notice it falls under the creative "Baby Fund" heading. I'm telling it like it is folks: babies ain't cheap and makin' babies with donor eggs ain't any cheaper. Honestly? Every little bit helps. I'm also signing up for Affiliate programs that are a good fit for my blog. I've been running BlogHer Ads for a while now and have been an Amazon Affiliate for ages. I've only recently begun pumping up the Amazon Affiliate profile a little bit. In full disclosure, I'm an affiliate for Circle+Bloom and AttainFertility. And yes, I'm looking to add more and to do so in a way that's a) clear to you as readers and b) not intrusive beyond the sidebar. I realize ads might turn some of you off. If it does, please be honest and lay it on me (in a comment or an email is fine). Your readership is important to me, so if ads are going to send folks away screaming, I want to hear about it.

Let's see, what else... Remember when Blogger died last month? And I was like, hell no I'm not losing two  years' worth of writing? Yeah, about that. I'm moving to self-hosted WordPress sometime this summer. Tentative launch will be August 1st. The big thing you can do to help me? Make sure your bookmarks and reader feeds point to www.hannahweptsarahlaughed.com and not my blogspot URL. That will make the transition easier so you don't lose me in the move.

Other random things...
  • Updated my Resources page. Needed some serious updating and dusting off.
  • Sorted my Blogroll into five categories. I did this for a variety of reasons, but the biggest one being I didn't want any of you to click over to a BFP blog and not know about it and then be totally blindsided. It happened to me a bunch so it was time to clean up my list so it's clear to everyone.
    • Infertility Blogs: General blogs that didn't fit into my other categories
    • TTC Blogs: Folks actively working on makin' babies, typically through some kind of treatment
    • BFP Blogs: Mazel tov ladies on your impending arrivals!
    • Adoption Blogs: Folks who are all about adoption or are in the homestudy/waiting process
    • Parenting After IF Blogs: Folks who may or may not still be dealing with IF but who already have children and thus may have posts or pics that mention their children
  • I accidentally spilled the beans and stupidly posted on Twitter that I'm working on a book. JJiraffe has only helped amplify my super secret news ;) For all intents and purposes, let's just stick to the rumor that it's trashy vampire horror/smut and when I'm ready to reveal, it'll be that much cooler.
  • Linking up to some neat infertility-inspired writing groups online. The first is JJiraffe's Pomegranate Society. Basically it's a small writers' workshop where we pair up with other writers with the intent to get our asses in gear about getting our stuff published. The second is Mel's Prompt-ly group. This is more focused on keeping the inspiration juices flowing, to keep our blog content fresh, and to provide support and share resources. It's already awesome.
  • Twitterview with RESOLVE and blogger Alec Ross of I Want to Be a Daddy for a Fathers' Day Twitter Chat this Friday at 2pm EST. I'll be jumping in and retweeting as it goes on. You can follow the dicussion at #tvFD - best way to follow it is through TweetChat.
  • The Hope Award for Best Book nominations are now openHead over to the fabulous Ladies in Waiting Book Club to cast your nominations. Nominations will be accepted until this Friday, June 17th so go swing by and vote for the nominations listed or add your own. It looks like it's going to be a tight race whoever the Top 5 are, so get your nominations in now!
  • Random: I can't stop listening to Beats Antique. Bellydance music has been blasting out of my car anytime I drive. 

So there you have it. Bunches of random things happening around here and little tweaks along the way. Mostly, I'm hoping it's for the better but if you see something and you're like, "Gosh Keiko, what the hell is with all the pink? I mean seriously - is this an infertility blog or Pretty Pretty Princess Land?" please let me know. You can leave me a comment or shoot me an email. Or hound me on Twitter - I'm all over the place.

Ultimately, here's the thing: I'm making changes because I want to make this a better blog experience for everyone - not just for myself, but for you. So if you don't like something I've done around here, I want to hear about it. I can take it :)

And if you love something, well, I want to hear about that too.

June 14, 2011

A Fathers' Day Twitterview with RESOLVE & "I Want to Be a Daddy"

As I mentioned yesterday, even though it's Men's Health Week, we don't often hear the male side of the infertility journey. With Fathers' Day just around the corner, this is especially timely. There are a few elusive male voices out there (emphasis on the few). But the guys who are out there really help to shed some light on what is so often a woman-centric subject.

Take for example, Brittanie's husband Ben, over at Fertilize This! He busted a myth for NIAW about his experience as a man with male-factor infertility. Or Rain's husband at Weathering the Storm - she interviewed him about his experience with male-factor infertility and how it affects their marriage.And then there are awesome guys like my husband, Larry, who wrote a guest post of his perspective of being married to someone with female-factor infertility.

And then there's Alec, over at I Want to Be a Daddy. Are you reading him? You aren't? Well, you should. Alec has become a rising voice in the infertility community from the ever-elusive male perspective. He spells it out exactly right in his blog's description:
My wife JK and I went through a 2 1/2 year odyssey of infertility. It was a painful time. The emotional toll was as real for me as it was for JK. Friends who had survived infertility helped me to cope, and thus I hope that our story will help others.

Now this is the kind of voice we need to hear out there! This Friday, there's a unique opportunity to engage with Alec and RESOLVE, as they host a Twitterview with Alec at 2pm EST. From MyDestinationFamily.org:
On June 17th, leading up to this coming Father’s Day, RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and MyDestinationFamily.org will honor this shared struggle through a personal and informative Twitterview with Alec Ross, blogger at I Want to Be a Daddy and regular contributor at FertilityAuthority. Alec will help to shed light on the all too silent male side of infertility in this one-hour Twitter exchange with executive director of RESOLVE, Barb Collura. He will speak to the two-and-a-half year infertility battle he and his wife faced, and the ups and downs that they continue to face today.


Wait, what's a Twitterview?
It's kind of like a public conversation, but since it's Twitter, it's like having that public conversation in a sea of a million voices. The conversation stands out by using a dedicated hashtag to differentiate this conversation's tweets from all the others. In this case, the dedicated hashtag for the Twitterview is #tvFD (for Father’s Day TwitterView).

How do I follow along?


When is this Twitterview again?
This Friday, June 17th, at 2pm EST. Join in or follow along to hear about the impact that infertility plays on Fathers' Day and the male experience with infertility. I know it's going to be an informative, engaging and emotional conversation. I'm really looking forward to it.

Hope to see folks tweeting and retweeting away on Friday!

May 27, 2011

I Whistle a Happy Tune

It's the Friday before a nice long holiday weekend, so it's the perfect time for another post in the IF-Free Zone. The IF-Free Zone is a commitment to blogging about something other than my infertility journey every now and then. Why blog off-topic? Asnwer: we are more than our infertility! So enjoy another installment in the IF-Free Zone, a peek into regular 'ol me.


I've always struggled with whistling. Despite being an accomplished soprano in my youth (a long story for another day), for whatever reason, I couldn't really whistle... until about a month ago. I don't know what it was, but I started whistling to the songs on my car stereo rather than singing along. Most times I'd sound like a lonely prairie wind: all whooshing and no tonality. Then, I started experimenting in the shower. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror once doing this and had to stop and laugh. I looked like a howler monkey, contorting my lips into various shapes to achieve lower and higher pitches.

I'm getting much better and find myself whistling randomly all the time now. It's enjoyable. It's a skill I've decided to revisit, to teach myself how to do it better. I'm not exactly studying any complex manuals here; when the mood strikes me, I just start whistling.

I have always been jealous of people who can whistle and do it well. My husband is a great whistler. I had a boss once whose whistling rivaled the agility of a skilled piccolo player. He was whistling so gorgeously in the copy room once I stood in the doorway just to listen. He turned around, embarrassed; he didn't realize there was still anyone left in the office.

"No, go on," I said with a grin. "You whistle like a champ!"

The irony: this was when I worked in a theatre-related capacity. According to superstition, whistling in the theatre is considered bad luck.

Whistling does get a bad rap. I've heard it's a bad luck to whistle in front of a bride on her wedding day. In Japan, you don't really hear people whistling; Japanese folklore says that whistling will attract snakes in the night. Russian folklore brings us the phrase "to whistle your money away" - they believed that whistling would literally scare away angels that protected your home and without protection, you'd lose your money.

In general, whistling is often seen as disrespectful; think of the sterotypical image of construction workers whistling at a pretty lady as she walks by. And yet, whistling was a vital tool for sailors on merchant ships in the glory days of maritime. There is functionality to whistling: to get someone's attention, for example. Okay, so maybe it's not the most polite way to do it, but it works. Or, if you're Anna in The King and I, whistling helps chase away her fears. (Google my post title if you're not familiar with the song.)

Whistling is such a strange, distinct noise that we are able to make. It's melodic but jarring, not like the primal ferocity of screaming or shouting. It's a sound you expect from the beak of a bird, not from the lips of a full-grown person.

I mean, when you think about it, whistling is kind of silly. As it's been so famously said: you just put your lips together and blow.




Happy Friday folks and have a safe holiday weekend. I know I'll be whistling mine away!

May 25, 2011

The Power of 1000 Women

Join the 1000Women movement

I recently discovered EmpowHer, a women's health website. I was intrigued by their 1000 Women campaign, a massive effort to reach 1,000,000 women online to create a huge social media women's health advocacy movement. From their website:
Through our 1000Women campaign, EmpowHER is recruiting 1,000 women who will then each reach out to 1,000 women to create the biggest movement for women’s health and wellness. When we have reached our goal of reaching 1,000,000 women, EmpowHER will donate $50,000 towards women’s health research. In 2001, the Institute of Medicine validated the need for studying the sex differences in all areas of biomedical and health-related research. However, since women were excluded from most major medical research studies before the 1990s, there is still so much to learn about health conditions that are unique to women or affect women differently than men. Your involvement in this campaign can help change this and save lives.
It's a fascinating, inspired idea and speaks to so much of what I write about here on this blog: it's important to get out there and share our stories. By opening up about our infertility to others we help to lift the silence that surrounds our entire infertility community. Our stories make the infertility experience real to others; we give infertility faces and names.

To that end, I've shared my story on 1000Women.com. While every infertility story is unique, we share so many of the same themes in our journeys. 

I'm asking folks to vote for my story of infertility awareness and advocacy. I bet that between here, Facebook, Twitter, and my friends and family I could get 1000 votes!

You can share my story with others by tweeting the following:

@MiriamsHope is a Voice for #Infertility Awareness. Vote for her story at http://bit.ly/jEhTiN @1000womendotcom

What's in it for me? I would be featured on 1000Women.com... and that's pretty much it. What's in it for you? A single click and registering with your email address (you can opt out of emails from EmpowerHer) helps to further advocate for infertility awareness.

I know infertility isn't just a women's issue, but with an audience like that at EmpowHer, I think it's vital to make sure our disease is given the spotlight it deserves. All it takes is a minute to click the link and cast your vote - that's it!

And with that folks, I'm out for the day. Off to celebrate my birthday tonight with loads of oysters and a chilly bottle of champagne.

May 24, 2011

The Ghosts of Birthdays Past

Photo by Manuel Bahamondez via Flickr
Tomorrow, I turn 29. I'm on the brink of my thirties. It's very strange to think of myself as a soon-to-be 30 year-old. I can't really milk the whole "young adult" thing anymore. I guess I'm... *looks around uncomfortably* an adult. It's funny how I've marked that status for myself over the years: I wasn't really an adult until I graduated college; and then when I had to pay my first rent in my first apartment; when I got my first car; when I landed my first full-time job; when I got engaged and then married; when I leased my first car; when I bought a house...

It's like I've kept pushing back my own adulthood status with each major life event. But at 29... well, now I'm pushin' it period.

Working in higher ed for the last 6 years, this is the first time in my life I've ever really felt the distance between my life experience and the those of my undergraduate students and even graduate colleagues. Try explaining the burden of having a mortgage to someone who's biggest financial worry is about using all their meal plan points by the end of the semester; it's the first time in my life that this age disconnect has ever felt so distinct.

It doesn't sit well with me because I like to think "I'm with it, I'm hip... taka taka taka!" But the fact of the matter is, most of my students have no frame of reference for that previous sentence. College freshmen this year were born in 1992. Austin Powers didn't come out until 1997. I was a freshman in high school. They were five.

This is the first time in my life I genuinely feel old.

. . .

So I refuse to end my pre-birthday post on a such a downer. I thought it would be fun to do a little retrospective of all my birthdays in my twenties. Because once I turned 20, of course I was an adult, so I got to party hardy. So here goes:

2002: Jazz Hands
When I turned 20, Larry and I headed to Philly for a night of good eats and even more delicious music at Ortlieb's Jazzhaus. It was a narrow, tiny little place where we literally sat within two feet of the stage, the jazz jumpin' and the food divine. We felt so grown up.

2003: Under the Boardwalk
When I turned 21 I did what any self-respecting Southern New Jerseyan does: I headed to Atlantic City for the weekend to gamble and drink the night away. I didn't win big and the drinks were pretty watered down, but the buffet the next morning at the casino was the stuff of dreams.

2004: A Blah Birthday
I turned 22 just days after graduating from college yet had to take a couple of classes at my local community college to finalize some credits. I had spent all day in class and had a terrible summer cold on top of it. Larry took me out to dinner with a friend of ours. My nose was so stuffy I couldn't taste anything. I think I was in bed by 10pm.

2005: 23 Skiddoo
My first birthday in our first apartment together. Larry baked me a scrumptious (looking) hazelnut chocolate cake. When we ate it that evening, I made a comment about how it was really sweet that he made me a cake... but that the cake itself wasn't very sweet at all. Larry double-checked the recipe and saw that it had no sugar... it was a diabetic recipe!

2006: The Worst Way to Celebrate a 24th Birthday
We went to Friday's and rented Hostel. My birthday was a little overshadowed by getting engaged the previous month but I mean, Hostel? Really? Why did I think this was an okay way to celebrate?!

2007: Happy 25th: Here's an Air Conditioner
We moved to Massachusetts the day before my birthday in 2007. The drive was long and tedious. Moving in all of our stuff, with Larry's dad's help, was just as long and tedious. The next morning we headed to Home Depot and bought our first window AC unit. Oh, and Larry bought me a peace plant. That I never watered. And then it died. And then we moved out of that place six weeks later.

2008: A Ghostly 26th 
I have always wanted to stay in a haunted hotel. Larry booked us a lovely room at a haunted inn in Concord. The most haunted room was already booked, so we had the room across the hall. We had a lovely stay except I didn't get any sleep. I was so excited about possibly having a ghostly experience that I stayed up all night looking and listening for things to happen... and nothing did. Still, it was a lovely weekend just the same.

2009: Guns. Massage. Meat on Swords. And Earrings.
I turned 27 with a literal bang. I went to the shooting range with Larry and another friend and fired my first gun. I had a nice spa day massage. We capped it all off by heading to a Brazilian BBQ with a huge group of friends. Dee-lish!

2010: I'm Melting, I'm Melting
We went to the Melting Pot last year. I was particularly excited because I love fondue. My birthday was unseasonably hot last year and the Melting Pot we went to didn't have their AC turned on yet. So there we were, sitting at essentially an open stove top in a restaurant with no AC on the hottest day of the year so far. That said, it was still delicious and worth the heat.

2011: The Fruits of the Sea
I disovered on our anniversary this year that I like love oysters. This year we're headed to B&G Oysters, a Barbara Lynch joint right in the heart of downtown Boston. My goal is to consume nothing but oysters and champagne. I'm also getting a saltwater fishing rod. Now that we live literally less than a mile from the ocean, we don't need fishing licenses to fish in saltwater. And Larry assures me there's one other surprise related to our sea-faring theme, so I can't wait to find out tomorrow! And, my interview about our infertility journey should air tomorrow night at 11pm on WBZTV Boston. It's going to be a fabulous night indeed!

So there you have it, my Ghosts of Birthdays past. What's been your favorite birthday? How did you celebrate? What did you get? Dish, people, dish!

May 15, 2011

Senator Gillibrand introduces the Family Act of 2011: An Infertility Tax Credit Bill

Photo by Keiko Zoll, from Advocacy Day.
Exciting news folks: Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) has officially introduced the Family Act into the Senate (S. 965). The Family Act is a bill that creates a tax credit to reimburse individuals for out of pocket expenses for infertility treatment. While the text of the bill has not yet been released (it should be in the next day or two), it is anticipated that the tax credit will provide a lifetime cap of just over $13,000, renewable up to 5 years, and on a 50/50 cost share between taxpayer and government. The Family Act has been modeled after the very successul federal Adoption Tax Credit.

Here's where your help is vital: we need Senate co-sponsors like whoa. RESOLVE has set up a very easy form for you to contact your Senators right at their website. Send an email to your Senators encouraging them to co-sponsor the Family Act here.

Additionally, if we really want to gain traction on Capitol Hill, we also need a House version of this the Family Act. Please consider contacting your Representatives encouraging them to originate the bill on the House side of Congress. Look up your representatives' contact information here. I've drafted a sample letter to your representatives here, so you can copy, paste, and fill in your appropriate information and send it off to your legislators with ease.

I've already reached out to my Congressman, Representative John Tierney. I sent him a follow up email from Advocacy Day today and then posted a comment asking for his support on his Facebook page - he actually responded to my comment, having read my email! Feel free to get creative and check to see if your Senators and Congressfolk are using social media. I would email them first, then follow up on their Facebook pages and Twitter accounts - it can't hurt!

For more information:
  1. Here's a general overview of the Family Act.
  2. Here's a detailed FAQ about the Family Act. 
  3. The Family Act has been endorsed by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.
  4. Make sure to Like EMD Serono's Family Act page on Facebook.
  5. And don't forget to write your Senators!

May 9, 2011

RESOLVE Advocacy Day 2011 in Washington DC Recap

RESOLVE volunteers in front of the Capitol Building.
From left: Lee, Kara, Theresa, and me.
I never thought advocating for infertility awareness could be so empowering, but RESOLVE's Advocacy Day was just incredible. I advocate all the time on this blog; I write letters to my legislators all the time. But to actually walk around Independence and Constitution Avenues in the heart of Washington DC, to walk into Senator John Kerry's and Senator Scott Brown's offices - I've never felt so humbled or proud to be an American. I've never felt so honored or privileged to take advantage of my rights as a voting citizen in this country. And I've never been prouder of the infertility community.

The day started with an opening training meeting where close to 100 volunteers representing 18 states gathered. I was thrilled to see folks from Night of Hope again, including Lee Rubin Collins and Risa Levine, winners of the Hope Award for Advocacy. Lee was in the Massachusetts delegation with me and two other volunteers, Theresa and Kara. Barb Collura, the Executive Director of RESOLVE, opened the day with introductory remarks. I was totally not expecting for her to recognize me for the whole PETA counter-campaign, but I won't lie: it felt good to stand up and be recognized for that. Then Risa came out to deliver our keynote address... it was simply beautiful, powerful, and so inspiring. Risa has kindly sent me a copy of her remarks and allowed me to republish them online, so here is just a brief excerpt:

Wherever you are in this process, I know how hard it is for you to be here. How hard it is for you to identify with this disease that has stripped you of your identity. How hard it is to say "I am infertile".

I want you to think about all of the diseases you've experienced personally or through friends and family. I want you to think about how you or others have been affected by those diseases but how your infertility has redefined how you see yourself and how you relate to every one else in the whole universe. How unfair the unwarranted shame and loneliness has been. I want you to think about your own goals and dreams and self definition and for some of you, the retirement village in Florida that you will never join because you can't compete in the grandchildren wars. I want you to think about all of the times you bought Girl Scout cookies to support your friends' children and all of the times you heard that children are our nation's future. And I want you to believe that YOUR right to have YOUR disease treated so that YOU can have children whose cookies can be bought or whose health care should be provided for are just as important as everyone else's. And then, I want you to walk into Congressional offices today with the confidence that you are justified, no, righteously compelled and duty bound to demand that the treatment and cure of infertility be a priority in our national agenda of providing health care to the people of this country.
Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We went back over our key advocacy issues for each congressional visit: 1) infertility is a disease; 2) pushing for co-sponsorship of an Infertility Tax Credit Bill; and 3) to have legislators call the CDC to demand to know why work stopped on the National Action Plan for infertility. Barb announced that Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) has agreed to be an original sponsor for the Senate version of the Infertility Tax Credit bill. (A bill number and name is still forthcoming.) And then our group was treated to a special guest appearance from Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL), who gave a rousing 15 minute speech on the importance of the advocacy work we were doing, and to take our legislators to task to hear our concerns. (I'll post a video of her speech this week.)

And then... we were off to our Senate appointments. Our delegation from Massachusetts was followed around by RESOLVE's official event photographer. I felt like such an Infertility Rockstar!

Sen. Kerry's swanky Senate office.
We headed to Senator Kerry's office where we waited to meet with his Health Legislative Aid (or, Health LA in DC staffer lingo). After a short wait, we were ushered into the large conference room in Senator Kerry's office. I gave the rundown to the Health LA about infertility as a disease: stats, figures, and a brief overview of my personal situation. Lee then talked about the Infertility Tax Credit and the inquiry to the CDC. While the Health LA couldn't commit to specifics without running things by her boss, she seemed receptive to both the legislation and getting Kerry's office to call the CDC. And in the blink of an eye, we were shaking hands and exchanging business cards and then off to our next appointment.

We arrived at Senator Brown's office with just minutes to spare, after getting to his office in the Rayburn Building only to find out he had moved to the Dirken Building. We sat down with Brown's Health LA who was surprisingly receptive (despite Brown's track record with wanting to pare down the Massachusetts healthcare mandates- including infertility- back in 2009). She asked great questions and Lee was able to talk about how the Infertility Tax Credit would be a huge relief to military families, as TriCare (the military health plan) only provides discounted infertility treatment coverage at only four centers in the entire country. And then, as Theresa was explaining the part about the CDC...

Remember, Scott Brown: babies grow up to be future voters!
When in walks Senator Scott Brown himself. I literally could only mumble out "It's an honor to meet you" as I shook his hand and I probably could have caught flies in my mouth it was handing so wide open. "How about a picture?" he suggested, and we lined up and Scott Brown put his arm around my shoulder. Just as quick as he popped in he was out and I felt like was a starstruck teen giddy at meeting her dreamboat idol. Let me be clear: he's hardly my dreamboat idol, but he's still good looking whether I agree with his politics or not and he's still basically a political celebrity. Thank goodness our group was followed by RESOLVE's professional photographer, who snapped up a ton of pics of our group with Scott Brown.

The afternoon was spent meeting with our House representatives. Our group had scheduled appointments with Rep. Ed Markey, Rep. Barney Frank, and Rep. Nikki Tsongas. Each appointment went very well: each office was committed to calling the CDC and wanted us to send them the Infertility Tax Credit bill language asap for review. I had registered late so I didn't have a scheduled appointment with my Represenative, Rep. John Tierney, but our group agreed to swing by his office to drop off some materials for his Health LA. When we did, I was thrilled when the Health LA agreed to an impromptu meeting. I stepped up to the plate and delivered our whole Advocacy Day schpiel by myself (we had been trading off each of the three issues at each appointment). And then the icing on the cake: Rep. Tierney popped in at the end of our meeting and we got to grab a photo with him.

And suddenly, it was 3pm, all of our appointments were done, and it was time to decompress and grab some snacks at the end of the day debriefing and reception. As the delegates from other states returned, we swapped stories of the day. Alabama and New Jersey seemed to have the best success stories of support from their legislators; the lone delegate from Texas had a tougher time with the day for a variety of reasons: Texas is a huge state for just one volunteer to cover and her legislators aren't exactly supportive of mandated coverage. It made advocating for her cause pretty challenging. All the same: to blogger Hold My Hope, I'm so proud of you for taking on that challenge. Thank you for representing one of the biggest states in the Union by yourself.

Before I knew it, I was hitching a ride to the airport, on a plane and back home by midnight. I was exhausted- physically, mentally, emotionally - but I didn't regret a single second of the day.

When so much is taken away from us as infertility patients – without our choice – going to Capitol Hill gave me a sense of power and purpose in my infertility journey. I have often taken for granted my rights as an American citizen and taking part in Advocacy Day is perhaps one of the truest expressions of what it means to be an American. I had a voice. I was heard. And now, I commit to the work that needs to be done to ensure that my 7.3 million brothers and sisters struggling with infertility are heard too.

I really do believe Risa's words, that this was the most important Advocacy Day we have ever had. I am grateful and thankful to have been a part of the experience. Now, the real work begins: following up with my legislators and building public support for a forthcoming Infertility Tax Credit Bill.

I'm already marking my calendar for next year's Advocacy Day. You better believe I'll be there next year, and the next, and every year after - until we no longer need to advocate for infertility. I truly believe that with the advocacy work we did last week, I hope that's someday soon.

Me & RESOLVE Board Member Lee Rubin Collins.

May 4, 2011

Gearing Up for Advocacy Day

I've got the shoes - slip-on heels that are uber-comfy. And there's a backup pair of flip flops in my shoulder bag just in case. That's been the #1 piece of advice I've gotten from all of the other bloggers I've asked who have participated in Advocacy Day: make sure you have comfortable shoes.

I'm so. freaking. excited. for tomorrow. After work today, I hop onto a flight down to DC amd then starting bright and early at 7:30am tomorrow, Advocacy Day begins with on-site registration and breakfast. We train from 8am to about 10am, and then it's off to the Senate Office Building. I was thrilled to read on Friday's Advocacy Day update email that Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL) will speak to our group at 9am before we head out! Rep. Schultz was one of the 20 co-sponsors of the Family Building Act of 2009 and is a vocal supporter of the infertility community. She spoke with members of RESOLVE in support of our community at a Congressional briefing on infertility last April. I am ver yexcited to hear her speak.

I'm nervous about tomorrow.

The other folks I've talked to have all assurred me there's really no reason to be nervous. Larry said it best to me last night, "What's the worst that could happen? They say to you, 'Thanks for sharing your story with me?'" He raises a very salient argument there. But I can't help it; I'm still nervous. Maybe it's more nervous excitement. I know I'll be in the company of over 100 people representing 18 states who will be doing the exact same thing: meeting with legislators and/or their staffers, advocating for infertility awareness and some key action items. And it's not like we'll be unprepared: we have plenty of materials we've been given over the last few weeks, there are resources online, and we'll be getting that last-minute training rally first thing tomorrow morning.

Still... I'm nervous :)

I'll also be really candid here: this whole OBL thing? Makes me nervous about retaliation. As much as I think it's important to release the photos eventually, I'm just praying the White House doesn't decide to drop those today or tomorrow. Like, seriously folks? Can you just wait until the weekend for that? Please? Thanks. It's been a few years since I lived in the DC area, but even when we still had the colored terror threat system, I know how the region gets in times of increased security. I had to put this (slightly irrational) fear out there: name it, own it, and realize that there's not really a whole helluva lot I can do about it.

Tomorrow I'll be speaking with folks on Capitol Hill about three key issues:
  1. Infertility is a disease. I know it seems like such a no-brainer to all of us. Yet, even though WHO and ASRM define infertility as a disease, we haven't gotten that yet from the CDC. More on that further below.
  2. Getting support for a possible Family Tax Credit Bill. Similar to the Adoption Tax Credit, a bill has been drafted (but not proposed officially) that would offer infertility patients a credit of their infertility-related out-of-pocket expenses. It would certainly supplement folks like me who live in a mandated state, but would be a tremendous help to the 35 other states with no infertility mandate. As I will be meeting with Senator Kerry's staff, you better believe I will close the deal on asking him to originate the bill rather that just co-sponsoring, as he's on both the Senate Finance Committee and its Healthcare subcommittee.
  3. Asking our legislators to follow-up with the CDC to inquire about the status of last year's National Action Plan for Infertility. This was a huge step forward for our community: the CDC last year committed to researching and funding a National Action Plan for "an emerging public health priority." (That's how the CDC refers infertility - not as a disease. You can see why issue #1 is important to discuss with legislators.) However, all work has stopped on the Action Plan. We want to get our legislators to commit to pushing the CDC to move forward with their work or to at the very least, find out why work has stopped.
Throw in the mix some highlights of our journey- like the fact that despite the fact that I live in a state that leads the nation in mandated coverage, we're still looking at $15-20K out of pocket - my effervescent charm, and hopefully, a little luck - it looks like it's going to be one amazing day.

I also want to give a very public shout out to both Melissa from Stirrup Queens and Julie from A Little Pregnant: when I asked each of them, they were both very kind to give me some fantastic advice about what to expect tomorrow. They've both really taken a lot of the edge off of the nervousness.

I'll be updating throughout the day on Twitter, so if you're not already following me @miriamshope, that will be the place to read about all of my adventures on Capitol Hill tomorrow. I will of course have a huge update post on Friday with pictures, reflections, and maybe a little video. We'll see how much I can cram in tomorrow and how fast I can edit any footage.

So with that folks, I'm off. If you're going to DC, look for the gal in the dark teal blue shirt and dark grey pants; I'll be wearing a yellow RESOLVE bracelet too. Feel free to come over and say hi - I love to meet folks IRL. For those on the blogosphere, read about my exploits on Twitter tomorrow. And to all: come back Friday and read the recap.

Oh, and wish me luck :)

April 28, 2011

RESOLVE's Advocacy Day: A Real Woman's Story

RESOLVE's Advocacy Day is one week from today on Thursday, May 5th and there's still time to sign up and participate. It might seem intimidating and overwhelming to head to our nation's capitol to speak to legislators about our needs as a community, but it can be a powerful, incredible experience for those who participate. I'll be heading down to D.C. Wednesday night to join RESOLVE in advocating on the Hill for infertility awareness a week from today. I'm a newbie to Advocacy Day too, so I wanted to share one woman's story to show you that yes, someone just like you or me can participate in Advocacy Day, with no prior experience with legislators at all.

Folks, meet Susan. You may know her as Donor Diva:


She's the proud mama to a darling boy, a fellow POF-er, and a blogger just like you and me who took the leap and participated in RESOLVE's Advocacy Day in 2009. I asked Susan to talk about her experience with RESOLVE and to tell us what the day was like.

Why did you decide to participate in Advocacy Day? 
My friend and I were both in the middle of our 2ww after our DE cycles. She suggested that we go down to DC for advocacy as a distraction. I live in Maryland so it was easy to get there.

How were you feeling about the day leading up to it? 
I was most nervous about talking with the Congressman and Senators. I was most excited about helping the infertility community. There are so many people in the infertility community that helped me I wanted to help also. RESOLVE provides you with support beforehand. They did a conference call, had papers for you to read through, and did training the morning before meetings. As long as you do your prep you will be ready to go.

Tell us what the Advocacy Day itself was like.  
My friends and I Metro-ed down to DC (we live in MD). When we arrived, we were greeted by many smiling faces. The first part of the morning was spent prepping us for our meetings and also hearing stories about peoples' journeys through infertility.

For me, the meetings were in a great progression. It started off with a big group and my last meeting was just me and one other person. It gave me a chance to warm up and gradually feel more confident. It was very exhilarating to actually speak to the Aides and have them understand our position.

It was hard for me to stay calm since this was the first time for me to do something like this. What helped was knowing that I wasn't the only one meeting with them. Also, you aren't meeting with the actually congressman/women or senator you are meeting with their aid. Also, that we were doing this for a great cause. My proudest moment was talking with other participants of advocacy day.

At the end of the day, how did you feel? 
Exhausted!

Any advice you would give to folks going to DC for the first time this year? 
Prepare yourself and read EVERYTHING that RESOLVE provides you with. This way you will be confident in all of you meetings. If you are passionate about infertility then you should go. There were several states not represented when I went and the only way we are going to make change is by getting as many people as possible involved.

Thanks Susan, for sharing your story. I hope your positive experience will inspire others to follow in your footsteps and continue the grassroots advocacy work for the infertility community on Capitol Hill. I know it's certainly made me very excited to take part a week from today!

Worried about making it down to DC? No problem! RESOLVE can prepare you to talk with your local legislators in your own home districts. I wanted to give a special shout-out to Whitney, who had an amazing experience this week meeting with legislators in her home state. Not only did she meet with her legislators, give them plenty of facts, but she actually got their support to co-sponsor a forthcoming infertility tax credit bill. Another real person, another blogger just like you and me - and she's advocated in a huge way for our community.

It is especially critical for constituents from the following states to attend, as you would meet with key members of Congress who could help us in getting the infertility tax credit bill to succeed:

  • California
  • Delaware
  • Illinois
  • Maine
  • Minnesota
  • New Jersey
  • New York
  • Pennsylvania
  • Washington

Have you participated in Advocacy Day before? Sound off in the comments and share your experience with us!

If you still have questions about the day and how you can participate, what to expect - even what to wear - check out the comprehensive Advocacy Day FAQ online.

Will you join me in DC this year for Advocacy Day? 

April 27, 2011

Dispatches from My Better Half: A Guest Post by My Husband

While I'm happy to take the microphone and do all the talking, I'm stepping off the stage today to shine some light on someone who deserves just as much attention and credit: my fantastic husband, Larry. I'm blessed to have found my soulmate and to have someone who dives head and heart-first into our family-building adventures with me. I hope you'll enjoy his unique take on things as the "elusive male point of view."

. . .

For a long time, Keiko’s been asking me to write a guest post and for a long time – thanks to my unabashed sense of procrastination – I haven’t. I haven’t really known what to say. Keiko has built herself quite the readership and become a fairly prominent fixture in the infertility community. I, like many husbands in our situation, have hung back. I’ve been here to provide my unconditional love and support, but I’ve never felt it was my place to speak out. It wasn’t my body that was having havoc wreaked on it and it wasn’t my body by which I felt betrayed.

I have to say, in some ways, I think Keiko’s diagnosis was, to be cliché, a blessing in disguise. Keiko has always been the one on my arm for business events and at various other gatherings of my peers where the attendance of a spouse who knows no one is absolutely required. It’s brought me a lot of joy over the past year to be on the other side of that coin. When we go to an event for RESOLVE or anything regarding the infertility community, Keiko is the one who is in the spotlight, she is the one who is recognized for the hard work she does for this community and I’m the one on her arm. And although I know the only reason she’s even here is because of a condition she never asked for or wanted, she’s been able to turn that pain into motivation and a directed sense of purpose that I’ve never seen in her before... and for that I’m thankful. She asked me to write about my feelings regarding our whole situation, this curveball that neither of us ever expected. It’s hard to sum that up into a few paragraphs, but her strength through the whole thing has been absolutely inspiring.

When we were at the RESOLVE of New England conference last November, Keiko asked me to attend a session that was specifically for husbands of women who couldn’t conceive on their own. I agreed, begrudgingly, because you know, I’m a man. I don’t need any of that stuff. But I came out of it with two very interesting insights.

First was that I wasn’t alone in my philosophy about the whole situation. From the very beginning, I’ve always told Keiko that to me it didn’t matter how we had a family as long as we had one, and no one could stop us from doing that. I don’t care if a child is 100% genetically ours, 50%, or 0%. Genetics only get you so far in life, and to be honest, between the two of us there are plenty that don’t need to get passed on. What really matters is imparting the knowledge and, dare I say, wisdom of my vast 29 years.

Having a family isn’t about a kid who has my hair (which is receding anyway, thanks to my genes); it’s about raising a child with our values and teaching them to have their own. To my surprise, most of the other guys in the group felt the same way. What’s important is the end result: being a family. I’ve felt that way since day one. So while I feel for Keiko with every cell in my body, her condition has never negatively affected my image of her, because regardless of how it happens we’ll always be able to have that family one way or another. And it will never affect her ability to be the wonderful mother I know she’ll be.

The second thing I came away from that group with was slightly more science-y. The guy who ran the session had done vast amounts of research on the emotional toll this situation takes on the husband. He’s found on average men lag about 3 years behind women in terms of emotional response. Now I don’t think that in a year I’m going to be sitting at my desk one minute and bawling the next. That’s just not how I operate. I bring it up though in hopes that some husbands and wives out there may take some solace in the idea that you may not be responding the same way as the other all the time; just because he’s not there crying next to you doesn’t mean or imply that he’s any less affected or that he doesn’t care. We just run on different timelines. It has never been a factor in my level of support for Keiko. My brain just processes the whole thing a little bit differently.

I don’t really know how to end this. I’ve done my fair share of writing, but never on something that’s so personal. I usually wrap up my articles with a succinct piece of poignant advice, but that doesn’t seem so apropos here. So I’ll just say that I hope a point of view from the other side was a little bit helpful and gives just a peek into what may be going on in the mind of those who care for you the most.

April 14, 2011

Talking About POF Today on The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Show

Do you have one free hour at 11am PST/2pm EST today? Want to know more about premature ovarian failure? Tune in to Theresa Erickson's The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Program today to hear me and Evelina Sterling from Rachel's Well talk about POF, menstrual health, and share a few insights on this PETA thing.


More info about today's show:

Misconceptions abound about the range and limits of female fertility. Despite concerted infertility education efforts, both the public and young women almost always are shocked to learn that female fertility starts to decline at age 27. But one to four percent of women under 40 will be faced with the even more shocking diagnosis of premature ovarian failure (POF). POF is a loss of ovarian function occurring at too young an age to be considered natural, although premature, menopause. Not only will these young women potentially lose their reproductive capabilities, but they also are at greater risk for heart disease and osteoporosis. A variety of medical conditions can cause POF, but doctors can not always identify one.

On the April 14 episode of The Surrogacy Lawyer: Your Guide to IVF and Third Party Family Building, Theresa Erickson, Esq., will be discussing this rare, but devastating condition with Evelina Weidman Sterling, a highly respected health educator and author, and Keiko Zoll, an infertility blogger who was motivated to become an infertility advocate after her own diagnosis of POF several years ago. The show will air on Thursday, April 14 at 11AM PST/2PM EST on Voice America.

April 12, 2011

What I Learned from PETA & Why This Mattered

What a week folks, what a week.

It's official: all references to NIAW have been removed from the PETA website, including on that directing Features page that would take you to the contest page itself. Again: thanks, PETA - much appreciated.

I've had some time now to finally get some sleep, step back from Twitter for more than 20 minutes at a time, and really reflect on everything that's happened. Some people supported our efforts wholeheartedly (63 of you joined me in openly condemning PETA through blog posts). Some people didn't think that, of all the battles we face as a community, this was the battle to pick. Some folks remained silent by choice- for a variety of reasons, and many reasons I can respect and support. And some probably still don't even know anything happened at all last week. In the grand scheme of the looming government shutdown, discord in Libya, and mounting concerns at the Fukushima reactor in Sendai, Japan - I can see how some riled-up infertile folks yelling at PETA might seem like small potatoes in comparison.

As an infertile woman, especially the days where I've got baby on the brain pretty bad, I have to remind myself to keep my infertility in check, or rather, to keep my perspective in check. There are bigger things in the world than whether or not I want or am able to have children. I get that, but sometimes I don't always remember this when I all can think of is "When's it going to be our turn already?" So I challenge myself to keep it all in context.

So, after all of this, allow me to share What I've Learned and Why This Mattered.

What I Learned from Standing Up to PETA:

Take the high road when you're trying to argue a point.
It is so tempting and quite easy to resort to name-calling. Like I said, PETA is an Internet Troll with whom to be reckoned. It's so easy to fall into the trap of hurling insults and low-blow moves; after all, was not their campaign an insult and low-blow to us in the first place? To quote the ever famous Calvin, of Calvin & Hobbes: "Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around." It feels good to engage in some verbal mud-slinging.

I could have easily written a letter that said, "Fuck you, PETA!" That's certainly how I felt. Instead, I took the time to process through my gut emotional response to deliver a clear and (relatively) concise argument: "Dear PETA: here's why your campaign is not cool and here's what we'd like you to do about it." When all you're doing is throwing mud around, you still just end up covered in shit. And I don't know about you, but I hate doing laundry. I also want to add: be gracious. PETA didn't have to do anything at all, but they did, so it's only right (and polite) to say thank you.

Don't give up.
I'm a figher by nature. I fight for and within this community because others can't or won't for whatever reasons. I'm able to do so because I am infinitely lucky to have the support that I do; I know many others in my shoes who don't have the kind of support systems Larry and I have. I also know some people are just tired of fighting, and I don't blame them. I suppose it's just a personality trait for for me: I'm a passionate person. I give myself fully to the things and people about which I am passionate. Some people (my husband, my parents) might say I'm a woman who simply doesn't take "No" for an answer.

When emails didn't seem to be making an impact, I turned to the blogging community. When additional emails and posts from folks in the community didn't work, I took to Twitter. When Twitter didn't work, I started a petition. When the petition gained momentum, I approached the media. I turned to my colleagues in this field for help in not only lending their support, but spreading the word. One drop in the lake became a ripple effect in the community... and it worked.

Why It Mattered:

Every battle in this community is important, whether it's telling off the media, telling off PETA, or telling off our legislators. But it's not just about raising our voices in anger - it's about raising our voices in informed civil discourse. We don't have to shout to get our point across; we can speak clearly, intelligibly, and respectfully. When we organize ourselves and our voices into a coherent, passionate message, the effect is profound.

As a community, we were heard.
We were heard when so often we are not: when we disclose to others we're seeking IVF and we get the instant response comparing us to Octomom; when infertility is still up in the air as an essential benefit; when the media asks Giuliana Rancic if she's considered adoption immediately after her miscarriage; when people ask prospective adoptive parents if they're worried about whether or not they'll feel like their "real" chidlren; when the voice of the childfree, the of color, and the LGBT are lost in the greater conversation about infertility but whose experiences are just as valid and relative to ours. It was pretty hard to ignore us because we came out in such force.

As a community, we needed this.
In a patient community where we're already beaten down from tests, insenstive comments, BFN's, fall-throughs: this was a huge confidence booster. So often we don't feel like we have any control of our lives or our bodies, and yet here is an example of making a concious decision to stand up and fight back, to take control over how an organization chooses to exploit our community: and we did it. We regained a little bit of that sense of control that we lost. We gained back some of the confidence that may have been taken away from us. It felt good. And feeling good is something we always need as a community.

As a community, this inspired us to act.
I am still amazed at how many people chose to participate in some way, from as simple as sharing links on Facebook to writing letters of their own. To every person who signed the petition, I hope you'll write your legislators. For every person who posted a blog, I hope you'll participate in the Bust a Myth Bloggers Unite Project for National Infertility Awareness Week.

I hope this experience gave everyone who participated the confidence to turn your passion into action. I hope this inspired EVERYONE to really, really consider participating in RESOLVE's Advocacy Day either in DC or in your local districts on May 5th.

All of this mattered because it has paved the way for us to do even greater things as and for this community. I'm of the opinion we owe it to each other, because at the end of the day, we're all fighing for the same thing, right?

It matters because if we put good out there, hopefully we'll get a little bit of that good back. And folks: it is good work that we're all doing. Let's keep it up.


Don't forget: I'm appearing on The Surrogacy Lawyer Radio Show this Thursday, April 14th, with Evelina Sterling from Rachel's Well. Tune in here online at 2PM EST (11AM PST) to hear us talk about premature ovarian failure, menstrual health, and more updates about PETA.