Have you seen this article in Time Magazine online?
Click the screen cap for the full article.
As Gawker so eloquently put it, "Ovulating Women Have Better Gaydar."
Basically, 40 straight female undergrads where shown pictures of 80 males, half of whom were gay men. There was direct correlation to the participant's accuracy in determining whether or not they were gay based on where they were in their cycle. The closer the women were to ovulation, the more accurate their guesses became:
"The closer you get to peak ovulation, accuracy goes up, up, up, peaks at ovulation, then starts to go back down again," says Rule. "There is a linear effect."
I'm glad that I now have scientific proof I was not ovulating in my teens.
Because seriously? More than half of the boys I had crushes on in middle school and freshmen year of high school later turned out to be gay. So either I was completely oblivious and/or totally boy-crazy or my ovaries were busted WAY before I ever realized.
Did you know that ovulation makes you dress like a tramp a little sexier? Think lower necklines and higher skirt hems and that sexy pair of stilettos. Our bodies are apparently putting out subtle cues to our male counterparts to say, "Mrow, come get me boys - my ovaries want you!"
Or how about this fascinating piece of "I can't believe they got funding to study this" research: strippers get better tips when they're ovulating. True story.
It makes me wonder about all of my readers who have used trigger shots and stims... I wonder if those meds would trigger the same behavioral effects for you. Sexy clothes and gaydar, I mean. Not necessarily earning more cash on the stripper pole (but yanno, you do what you gotta do. It's a tough economy and I'm not one to judge).
Oh science. You're so wacky.
And apparently so are ovulating women.
Oh - and researchers who totally manage to snag research dollars to head to the strip club.
It's that time of year again, guys: Men's Health Month is here and this week is Men's Health Week! I know I talk a lot about my lady bits at this blog, but let's not forget that infertility is not just a woman's issue. In 30-40% of cases, infertility is the result of the man. And while I know there are a broad range of health concerns for men besides infertility, I choose to highlight how men can be impacted by infertility during this Men's Health Week. Believe me: there's plenty we can talk about on just this subject alone.
Take for example, the latest news to come out of Queen's University Belfast. Researchers there have developed a test for sperm quality that could revolutionize the diagnosis of male infertility and assist couples in determining the best path for fertility treatment in the process. The test, in all its inifinite wisdom has been named (and trademarked) as... wait for it...
The SpermComet™ test.
Now, I assure you that the name is not the result of a haughty researcher ego: the results actually look a bit celestial.The test itself measures the DNA quality of sperm. Knowing this information is key to predicting the success of certain infertility treatments over others. The SpermComet™ test is indeed 'groundbreaking' as its been described in the media, as it provides another way of giving couples more diagnostic information to make more informed decisions regarding their treatment. The test may ultimately lead them on a faster path to success.
Also making news in the past couple of weeks is the that cellphone use can impact a men's fertility, specifically the development of sperm. The study comes out of Queen's University Kingston (Ontario, Canada); it's not clear from what I read what exactly they mean about "use." The study was conducted from 1997-2003; the iPhone wasn't even released until June 2007 (which is totally crazy when you think about that for a second). I'm sure cellphone "use" in their study meant call time, but as we all know, that has broadened quite a bit in the age of smartphones. Sure I use my phone all the time, but not just for calls: checking email, GPS, playing music, banking, etc. In fact, call time probably makes up the lesser amount of time that I actually use my phone. Ditto my husband.
The study has examined the role of cellphone frequencies and their impact on sperm DNA. Their findings? There's a definite link between sperm health and cellphone use. Ladies: remind your gentlemen friends to keep their phones out of their pockets from now on and maybe that they don't need to play another level of Angry Birds.
But if you're worried, you can always have a SpermComet™ done.
All kidding aside, Men's Health Week always falls the week before Fathers' Day every year and the emotional health of the men in our lives in just as vital as their physical health. There are plenty of Wannabe Dads out there who find Fathers' Day just as painful as Mothers' Day for their wives and partners. This year I asked people to Remember Us on Sunday; that post came from a very woman-centric place. This year (and every year!) I'm asking folks to remember the Wannabe Dads this Sunday for Fathers' Day. Men have a biological clock too, and while it may not always be in sync with ours, we can't forget that it takes two to make a baby and that just as much as we want to be moms, they want to be dads, too.
I'm not saying go out and grab your guy a new tie and some golf clubs, but don't forget about his feelings this Sunday too. For all the tips and tricks you can use to make it through Mothers' Day, the same can be applied to Fathers' Day. Go out and have a day to celebrate yourselves or just celebrate the Wannabe Dad in your life. Stay away from kids on Sunday, if you can. Make it a weekend getaway. Or, maybe just give your spouse a little extra space if he needs it. Men process their emotions in a variety of ways, some more overt than others. You know your guy best, but make a plan on how to tackle That Dreaded Sunday in June. RESOLVE has a great guide for coping with both Mothers' and Fathers' Day on their website that I highly recommend.
Welcome to the first of a 5-part* series of infertility book reviews to be published every other Friday this summer! While there are many books about infertility out there, I wanted to highlight a handful of some newer titles and some old classics. These books aren’t exactly beach reads - I imagine folks might look at you funny if you’re reading say, Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility while sunning in your finest bikini - but they’re quick enough reads packed with great information that you can pick up casually over the summer.
If you’re interested in the full list of infertility books sitting on my shelves at home, head over to my Resources page. *There might be a lil bonus book thrown in there, if you notice the big gap in July below :)
Feel free to start reading ahead or wait until after the review goes up. All I ask is that comments stay on topic to the book reviewed that week. So, let's dive right into the first book of the Infertility Summer Reading Series!
Recommended to me by: Melissa Ford, Stirrup Queens
The Review: Read the introduction. I know that sounds totally boring, but trust me: the introduction is totally the book's hook. As I read each line, I starting ticking off notes in the margins, nodding along with all of Dr. Domar's statements about the emotions I have felt in my infertility journey. I started looking around the room for the hidden camera because honestly, it was like I was reading my own journey in someone else's book. And what a book it is.
Conquering Infertility explores the vast spectrum of infertility's impact in our lives, from our marriage to our relationships with our friends and family and even G-d, to our careers and our own dark thoughts. Throughout her exploration, Dr. Domar offers practical tips for surviving the largest and smallest crises along our journey. The focus of these coping skills is centered on the mind/body technique. It's not that we can think and positively wish our problems away (a la The Secret), rather, we can physically induce our bodies into a state of physiological relaxation where our breathing and heart rate have slowed. The belief is then that by reducing our mental stress, we also reduce the physiological stress we place on our bodies. Thus, we live healthier lives.
Dr. Domar leaps fully into this in Chapter 2: A Toolbox Full of Coping Skills. This is by far one of the most valuable chapters of the book. Offering a variety of relaxation methods: from guided imagery to mindfulness techniques - this chapter gives the reader a set of very practical skills they can carry with them for just about any stage of the infertility journey. I especially was fond of the "minis" - little 1-2 minute simple relaxation exercises that have practical application from hearing bad news from the doctor to when someone cuts you off in traffic (which, if you live in MA like I do, is all but normal here). The minis are a must for everyone!
Conquering Infertility also examines the notion of cognitive restructuring: recognizing and acknowledging the bevy of negative thoughts and emotions that cross through our minds, and then taking them apart and examining them for what they are. We might tell ourselves the myth that we are failures or broken, but when you really take that thought apart, you can see that it's nothing more than a myth, that our value as a woman is not determined by our (in)ability to bear children. Dr. Domar weaves the idea of cognitive restructuring throughout the book as we address the thoughts we have as we relate to our spouses, our friends and family, coworkers- even G-d.
I was particularly engaged in the section about Infertility and Your Career. Whether it was the simple advice of making sure to know where the most private bathroom at work is located (so should Aunt Flo arrive, you can cry in comfort) to deciding whether or not to tell your boss, I was rather invested in this section as I prepare to navigate treatment within the next six months. I did feel the section ended with a broader message of "if you can quit your job, do it" - and that didn't sit well with me. It feeds into the larger stereotype that infertility is a rich white woman's problem and well, some of us just don't have the financial luxury to become full-time infertility patients.
The Appendices offer some quick hits on everything from caffeine and herbs to exercise and body weight. They provide readers with a good foundation to encourage further research on those topics that pique their interest. The second appendix lists various resources; while the resources themselves are valuable, their contact information is outdated as the book was last printed in 2004 (e.g., RESOLVE is no longer based in Somerville, MA). I would search for the resources by name on Google first before trying to call any of the phone numbers or sending emails to those listed in the appendices.
Quotable Moment: Wonderfully wise words from Dr. Domar on the value of relaxation (emphasis mine):
“Try to do it every day, but if you miss one day, don’t judge yourself; simply try to do it the next day. Before you begin to develop a relaxation ritual, you must accept on a deep level that you deserve to take twenty minutes out of your day for mental and psychological relaxation. You need it, you have a right to it, and it will benefit your health. Don’t feel guilty about telling your husband or others that you need this time for yourself - after all, it will indirectly benefit those around you.”
Rating: (out of a possible 5 tasty pomegranates) Conquering Infertility is a really powerful read and still very relevant nearly 10 years after its first publication. To have received 5 tasty pomegranates, I would like to see an updated edition with including updated research and resources since its second printing in 2004. Conquering Infertility is a quick but thorough read with the the acute quality to pick it up and be inspired when you need it at all the stages of your infertility journey.
Food for Further Thought: While Dr. Domar wrote her book in 2002, there's been much research addressing the possible link between stress and infertility. As she notes, infertility breeds a vicious cycle: we're stressed that we can't get pregnant, stress impedes our fertility, we seek treatment, we get stressed about treatment before and afterward, and so on. However, a recent major meta-study just a few months ago claims there is in fact no link between stress and fertility. It's a pendulum game like so may other medical studies: we hear that red wine is good for us one day and bad the next. Cell phones are fine and then the next week, WHO announces they could actually give us cancer. So goes the pendulum for the link between infertility and stress. At the end of the day though, we know that stress does a number of crazy things to the human body, so whether mind/body techniques can help get you pregnant or not, is it all worth it to give you a better quality of (stress-relieved or stress-free) life?
Have you read Conquering Infertility? And what about conflicting recent research on stress and its possible link to infertility - what do you think? Don't forget to come back in two weeks when I review the new memoir, Inconceivable.And if you pick up Conquering Infertility and give it a read, circle back here and share your thoughts on the book!
Check it out! Here's the news piece from WBZ-TV, Boston's CBS news station, on our story of infertility and how my younger age plays a factor. Reporter Christina Hager has put together a really compassionate piece and I'm so honored and grateful that she reached out to me for her story.
You can read the story here online - Infertility doesn't just affect older women; or just hit play below. The video runs just over two and a half minutes long. (If it doesn't load, just click the link to the story above and scroll down for the video on WBZ-TV's website.)
If you're visiting my blog from the news piece: welcome! You can get a brief overview of our infertility journeyhere. I'm happy to talk with folks so don't hesitate to contact me via email (see myMediapage above).
Correction: Larry and I need to save up $18,000 to begin IVF treatment with donor egg, not $1800, as is mentioned in the piece. Looks like they left off a zero.
The piece ended mentioning the Family Act, an infertility tax credit bill. You can find out more about the infertility tax credit here - and how you can help by contacting your Senators to ask for their co-sponsorship of this important legislation.
Please feel free to share this news story on your own blogs, FB, and Twitter. Here's a bit.ly link for your convenience: http://cbsloc.al/isZYC3
Thanks for tuning in and thank you Christina and WBZ-TV for helping to raise awareness for an important public health issue!
As the title mentions, Evelina and I talked about all things POF; Evelina spoke to the more clinical aspects of the disease and I shared my personal experiences as a patient. Evelina also shared how it's now referred to as Primary Ovarian Insuffiency. And of course, we saved a few minutes at the end to chat with Theresa about the whole PETA ordeal.
If you have 54 minutes right now, you can listen below:
It may be April Fool's Day, but infertility ain't no joke.
My favorite meme on the intarwebs right now.
Let's tell it like it is, shall we?
Infertility affects 1 out of every 8 couples in the US. Worldwide, the World Health Organization estimates that as of data through 2002, infertility affects as many as 1 in 4 ever-married women of reproductive age in most developing countries (source).
Infertility can cause as much stress, anxiety and grief as having been diagnosed with cancer or the loss of a loved one. It's not just a disease; it's a major life crisis (source).
Only 15 states in the US currently mandate insurance coverage for infertility treatments.
As a result, there are a myriad of myths out there surrounding infertility and ultimately, we run into these myths throughout our journeys. Sometimes we can just roll our eyes when we hear them: "Just relax!" Other myths can deeply hurt us: "Infertile people should get the hint and stop being so selfish."
Anyone else feel like they need to clear the air in the room and set some things straight?
It's kind of like Bust a Move, but with less Young MC.
We know the myths. We hear them all the time. So this year, RESOLVE is asking bloggers to pick a myth from their list or write about their own. Reflect on the myth and then BUST IT in your blog post. Publish your busted myth post between April 24th and 30th, and your blog will be eligible for the Hope Award for Best Blog at RESOLVE's Night of Hope Awards!
I can't be all doom and gloom for April Fool's Day. If you're looking for a laugh about infertility, head on over to Infertile Naomi's 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility. Naomi reminds us of something rather important, no matter where we are in our journeys: "Infertility itself is not very funny but when life hands you lemons, make some fertile lemonade!"
It started with the hives. At first I thought it was the cats. They'd climb all over me and within minutes, the itching would begin. But then I started getting them at work, I just figured it was cat hair on my clothes or something, not realizing that they almost always coincided with anytime I was reading the news. Then this week on my drive into work, I was listening to the news as usual and a politician of a right-leaning nature said something profoundly dumb and my neck started to itch. In a matter of minutes, my neck was covered in hives. I realized that no, this wasn't the cats.
Indiana Bill Would Force Doctors To Tell Women That Having An Abortion May Lead To Breast Cancer (source).
No, it's cool. I'll wait for you to clean up your spit-take. It took me a minute when I read that, too. Here's the quick rundown (emphasis mine):
House Bill 1210, introduced by Indiana state Rep. Eric Turner (R), would... require physicians to inform a pregnant woman seeking an abortion that the fetus could feel pain and require patients to view an ultrasound. A patient could get out of doing so only if she stated her refusal in writing. But one of the most controversial portions of the bill is the part that would require doctors to inform women about the risks of abortion, including "the possibility of increased risk of breast cancer following an induced abortion and the natural protective effect of a completed pregnancy in avoiding breast cancer."
The American Cancer Society (ACS) and other major health organizations, however, have rejected this theory. In February 2003, the U.S. National Cancer Institute brought together "more than 100 of the world's leading experts who study pregnancy and breast cancer risk." They found that neither induced nor spontaneous abortions lead to an increase in breast cancer risk. In fact, the risk is actually increased for a short period after a woman carries a pregnancy to full term (i.e., gives birth to a child).
. . .
I may have mentioned on here that it feels like the government is out to get women. I have been hesitant to start delving into politics on this blog, but folks... I'm getting hives I've been getting so stressed out about this. Infertility has made me feel powerless in some ways, but the stuff I'm hearing about on the news lately has made me feel powerless in much bigger, scarier ways.
After reading this latest article and learning that this new piece of legislation was introduced by a Republican (SHOCKER), I need to get on my political soapbox.
Ladies, and the gents who support the ladies in their lives: there is a Republican-led war on women happening right now. I've been trying to dance around this as much as possible both here and on FB and Twitter, but I just can't anymore. Where are the Dems proposing this kind of legislation? Oh right- they're too busy focusing on trying to get the Federal budget passed and maybe create some jobs for everyone.
I get it. I get that people were frustrated around midterm elections in 2010, so everyone voted in all these little whippersnapper Tea Party Republicans, like a breath of fresh air in a stale room. And now it's like the joke is on America, and more specifically, American women. With wave after wave of anti-choice, anti-woman legislation, I feel like everyone is finally starting to see this new Republican party's true colors... and they are ugly, ugly colors.
Reader Sonja sent me an article that sums it all up rather nicely with some rather convincing arguments. As terrifying as the implications in the article are, it's nice to know that I'm not losing my effing mind, that this isn't all just in my head: Female Sexuality Still Terrifying to Conservative Lawmakers (source).
. . .
I need to bring this back 'round to why on earth this all should matter to you, why it should matter to the infertility community. Like I said in my last post about anti-woman legislation, we must start fighting back as a unified community of women or we are going to get trampled by the cultural norming of misogyny in America. So why should this matter to us infertile folk?
Think about it like this: is this the kind of America in which you want to raise your kids for whom you've so desperately longed? The kind of America that wants to treat women with recurrent miscarriages as criminals worthy of death row?
This is not my America. This will not be my neice's America. And this will not be my children's America. I have had enough. The War on Women has got to stop.
And if it persists, then we must fight back. We need to educate ourselves and stop putting our heads in the sand or turning off the news when it gets too much to bear. Believe me, I know how easy it is to think about nothing other than, "When am I ever going to have children? Will I ever be able to have children?" but we've got to think about the world we hope to shape for our children one day.
Besides educating ourselves, we need to come out in huge numbers. There is nothing more powerful than an educated mass of people. We need men to stand with us. We need to be writing about this on our blogs, posting articles and resources on Facebook and Twitter, and talking about this with the women and men in our lives. We have to become a chorus of so many people shouting so loudly from so many places there's no possible way they can ignore us.
. . .
I'll be honest. I don't really have all the answers on what we can do. But I'll keep writing and talking about this. I hope I don't lose some of you along the way because of political differences because the case I'm trying to make is that regardless of where you stand politically, this kind of legislation can and will impact our access to infertility care. I fear it's a short leap from preserving fetal rights to denying infertility treatment coverage. It becomes not just a discourse on having children, but who deserves to have children at all.
Please tell me this isn't all just in my head and that I'm not getting hives because I'm crazy. Please tell me that there are others of you out there who have felt like I do and have had enough of it all. And if you think I'm wrong, tell me why- give me sources, facts, figures.
Because seriously? They don't make enough Benedryl for these stress hives I've been getting.
I know I've been talking a lot about anti-reproductive legislation lately, but I wanted to share a short video recap I made of Saturday's Walk for Choice in Boston. Dozens of cities participated (internationally as well), and I was lucky enough to participate, carrying my signs in the cold, walking in solidarity with other men and women who recognized that yes, we need to care about all this craptacular legislation out there.
Awesome moments of the day:
+ On a very crowded train to downtown, a young woman sitting across from me read one side of my sign (Infertile Woman for Choice), made eye contact with me, smiled, and made a little heart symbol with her hands.
+ Marching through Downtown Crossing, our chants echoing off the tall buildings around us, cars honking in support, people stopping to read our signs.
+ Marching through Boston Common, people lined up along us, reading our signs, clapping and cheering in solidarity. I found that particularly emotional.
+ Several hundred people calling Senator Scott Brown's office at the same time, leaving messages urging him to vote against a Senate bill to defund Planned Parenthood.
+ The many, many witty signs.
It was a great day. For more recaps, check out the Boston Walk for Choice Tumblr, as well as the main Walk for Choice Tumblr with photos and video from cities around the world who participated on Saturday.
I stand with Planned Parenthood for a lot of reasons. I can think of the most recent, when, of all things, Larry and I feared I might actually be pregnant, in late November of 2008. Let's just break that down for a second: I feared I was pregnant. We were newlyweds, coming up on our first wedding anniversary in just over a month. Even though we had talked about how abortion wasn't necessarily the gut reaction now that we were married, we both agreed that timing was not good. (In hindsight, it's almost laughable. We couldn't get pregnant then even if we wanted to, but I digress.)
I had been lazy with my pill. I skipped something like, 11 days' worth? Yeah, not good. There was a fair amount of horizontal mambo-ing in that stretch of no birth control (remember: newlyweds), I hadn't gotten my period, and I panicked. I took a pee stick test and thankfully it came out negative, but I realized that with our timing it was possible I could have been chemically pregnant, so I turned to Planned Parenthood for emergency contraception, to prevent implantation.
Larry and I talked a lot in the day leading up to getting the EC and me taking it. How weirdly, when actually confronted with the possibility that I could be pregnant, that all of those years of being a pro-choice feminist in college seemed strange and foreign. "What if I was?" I thought. If the EC didn't work, we'd resolved ourselves to the idea of being parents way before we wanted to. I am grateful that I live at a time when I have the freedom to make that choice. It was the first time I realized what pro-choice actually meant. It's not about being pro-abortions for all: it's about being pro-the freedom to have control over your own body.
And that folks, is why I stand with Planned Parenthood. Not because I was able to get EC when I needed it, rather because they are an organization that helps people (not just women) get the reproductive care they need when they need it.
When I wrote Wednesday about the war on women and what it means for the infertility community, I was so grateful for the outpouring of support for Planned Parenthood in the comments here, on FB, Twitter, and elsewhere. I want to share some of those reasons why Planned Parenthood is important to the infertility community, and why the House vote to defund Planned Parenthood is a slap in the face to all of us.
Planned Parenthood is not just about abortions, it's about access to low-cost, routine medical care.
When I was young and had no access to health care, I used Planned Parenthood's services for my annual exams and to receive medication to help me with debilitating menstrual cramps. Because I had no primary physician, they were also kind enough to keep an eye on my heart and lungs for me.
Another dear friend Marie-Audrey echoes this and expands on the breadth of coverage Planned Parenthood provides:
They provide care for women (and men) without health insurance - which I did not have a few years ago. I had very little money and their "pay according to your income" allowed me to get the health care I needed for a very fair price... What about the teenager who does not get any kind of support (money or psychological) from home? What about the single mom with 3 kids? What about the freelancer without regular income and/or health care?
Planned Parenthood helped save MrsSpock's sister's life and keep her sister's family planning on track:
Because of her bipolar disorder- an illness she has unfailingly taken her meds for for 10 years- my sister has been denied health insurance from her employer's insurer, even though she has worked there for that same decade. She is only able to get her well woman care through Planned Parenthood, as she can pay based on a sliding scale. Her income is low, and she could not afford to pay for full fees. because of them, she was able to get the pap that caught her early cervical cancer, and get into a clinic to treat it based on their referral. Never mind that she has chosen not to have children based on her mental illness, and they give her affordable access to the contraceptives that make sure that plan remains.
Planned Parenthood has also been vital to many of your infertlity journeys.
Anonymous writes:
...did you know some Planned Parenthood centers also provide Level II infertility treatments? I know this because in the wake of my own IF diagnosis, I found myself missing the compassionate and thoughtful care I received as a PP patient. The center closest to me wasn't able to provide me with the next stage of my care but they referred me to a specialist that hopefully will help.
I always make a point of pointing out that Planned Parenthood helped us plan for and medically prepare for conceiving our daughter whenever anyone gets up on their abortion soapbox. I'm an endo sufferer and PP helped me keep my womb and tubes healthy enough to conceive naturally when we were ready for a baby. She really was a miracle - I've been dealing with secondary infertility since her birth almost 17 years ago.
If having low-cost access to basic reproductive care is something that's important for you, I urge you to take 10 minutes right now, to act and do something about this.
2. Find out how your representative voted in the House vote to defund Planned Parenthood. Time: 1 minute.
+ If they voted against it, please email them and thank them. Time: 2 minutes.
+ If they voted for it, please email them and tell them what you think about that and how their vote impacts you. Time: 2 minutes.
3. Share your story about why Planned Parenthood matters to you. You can share it with Planned Parenthood directly, or you can blog about it. Make it your Facebook status or find eloquence in 140 characters or less on Twitter. Time: 4 minutes (maybe less).
Tada! 10 minutes, maybe less. See, grassroots advocacy is seriously not that hard or time-consuming, I promise.
I know in the infertility community, we think a lot about our future children. We hope, we pray, we wish, we dream for our future children. I'm asking you to think about them again, right now - is a country that's willing to strip away access to basic reproductive care one in which you want your kids to live? Do you want your children to go through the same fertility struggles you're going through right now because they couldn't get the kind of low-cost reproductive care they needed in their teens and college years?
I know sometimes it can be hard to see beyond the immediate hurdle of just trying to build your family, but we need to take active steps in shaping the world in which they'll live.
I'm not just doing it for myself, but for my kids - one day, should we be so blessed. That's why I stand with Planned Parenthood.
From left: Rep. Phil Jensen (R-SD), Rep. Chris Smith (R-NJ), Rep. Bobby Franklin (R-GA).
Then please stop trying to govern mine.
If you have lady bits or know someone who does, you should really become familiar with these faces. They're out for your lady bits. No no no, not in that way - in the "restrictive legislation that they really have no business putting forth" kind of way.
I don't care if you're pro-choice, pro-life, pro-family, or pro-whatever: I need to talk about this because it's been eating away at me for almost a week. In fact, I shelved a post I wrote sometime last year when we were knee-deep in our "let's adopt!" phase. It contained a rather inflammatory sentence that basically said, despite my years of being pro-choice/pro-family, every abortion is a missed adoption opportunity. I know - I know - that's why I never posted it here. Too inflammatory even for me and I didn't want to deal with the aftermath in the comments. So... yeah, don't kill me on that one.
Here's the thing: infertility patients need to pay attention to healthcare legislation, particularly anti-abortion legislation. Anti-abortion legislation, in a cruel twist of fate, can pose a serious threat to our access to care. Here we are, trying our damndest to have our own children, and yet (I know how ironic this sounds) we need to be vigilant about others' rights and access to terminate their own pregnancies.
Case in point: Iowa's Personhood Law (HF 153). This lovely little gem seeks to define that life begins at conception thus rendering abortion illegal in the state of Iowa. Why does this matter to infertility patients? Oh, you were able to fertilize all 8 of your eggs for your IVF cycle? Congrats! Oh, some of them weren't so high grade and aren't worth saving? Tough cookies, it's now illegal to dispose of them. I've seen so many of your beautiful blasties out there and it's kind of awesome (in the truest sense of the word) to know that those little blasties are your future children - but calling it murder to get rid of them? Come on. And yet amazingly, HF 153 actually passed an Iowa House subcomittee. What boggles the mind: the bill was authored by Rep. Kim Pearson (R-IA). Kim: you've got lady bits. Use your head, woman! Even the ASRM and SART said enough was enough, and issued a public letter in opposition of the bill to Iowa House Speaker Kraig Paulsen.
There's a reason to speak up, contact your legislators, and blog about it: because it works. Look at South Dakota (fig 1). Their House Bill 1171, introduced by Rep. Phil Jensen (R) sought to redefine justifiable homicide:
Homicide is justifiable if committed by any person while resisting any attempt to murder such person, or to harm the unborn child of such person in a manner and to a degree likely to result in the death of the unborn child, or to commit any felony upon him or her, or upon or in any dwelling house in which such person is. (Source.)
In a nutshell, it would create legal precedent for someone to kill abortion clinic workers. Let's broaden this a bit: remember those blasties I mentioned a few paragraphs up? Let's say those low-grade blasties are discarded. According to HB 1171, it would be justifiable homicide to take out the offending embryologist who discarded them. Thankfully, the public outcry, both from South Dakotans and the blogosphere, was large enough that the language was changed and ultimately, South Dakota realized that maybe this whole thing didn't need to be brought to the table at all.
But we still have a big fight ahead of us, most notably, the most recent vote by the House to defund Planned Parenthood, spearheaded by New Jersey Rep. Chris Smith (fig 2). This is much more than just about abortion rights: now we're just talking about restricting access to basic reproductive care. Planned Parenthood does a lot more than abortions: they provide routine pap smears, access to birth control and emergency contraception, and routine care for STIs. By taking away these services, these women now have an increased risk of infertility because they won't be able to access the reproductive care they need.
And as many of you know, sometimes the decision to terminate a pregnancy is beyond our control. Enter my new hero, California Rep. Jackie Speier, who had the chuzpah to remind the House of this staggering reality late last week:
"The gentleman from New Jersey can kindly kiss my ass."
Have you been angered by the craptastic media coverage of infertility, IVF, donor gametes, and celebrity infertiles? You ever notice how the media likes to play the victim blame game? With all of this recent legislation, anyone else getting that vibe that there's this cultural misogyny at work here (like last week's Nir Rosen and Debbie Schlussel's *disgusting* rants blaming CBS correspondent Lara Logan for her own sexual assualt in Egypt)?
What the holy hell is everyone's problem with women just, ya know, living their own lives and having some say in what we choose to do with our bodies?
This is why we, as an infertility community, need to care about anti-abortion legislation, regardless of our own personal views. This is why we need to act, to speak up, to speak out, tell our neighbors, our friends, our families and most importantly: the people who govern, as most of them do not have uteruses (uterii?), but have an awful lot to say about what goes on in them.
Because if we don't, then we might just end up withlegislation that seeks toinvestigate allmiscarraiges, cuz yanno, to see if they were induced. Because if they were, it would be a criminal offense.
How I wish I were making this up. (I've been trying to find a less inflammatory post about it, but this one at Daily Kos hits all of the important points). Allow me to introduce you to Georgia Rep. Bobby Franklin (fig. 3) who is pushing for the following legislation:
"...any time a miscarriage occurs, whether in a hospital or without medical assistance, it must be reported and a fetal death certificate issued. If the cause of death is unknown, it must be investigated... Hospitals are required to keep records of anyone who has a spontaneous abortion and report it." (Source.)
This is the last straw. I had to write about it here because, having been invested in the stories of so many of you who have experienced a miscarriage, I just about went apoplectic when I read this on a friend's FB page. Rep. Franklin's proposed legislation would treat you like a criminal just for having miscarried. Seriously? Is this what we have come to as a nation?
We have got to wake up, start paying attention, starting making those calls and writing those letters. We need to be informed and to inform others. We have got to start fighting back as a unified community of women or we are going to get trampled by the cultural norming of misogyny in America.
She is known to most scientists simply as HeLa. In fact, she's known on an even simpler scale: she is not a person to most modern researchers, rather, she is an "immortal" line of cultured cells. The immortality was that these cells, named HeLa cells, were extremely resilient when grown in culture, becoming the first human cells to be successfully grown in a lab.
Henrietta had an aggressive form of cervical cancer that ultimately killed her in 1951. Prior to her death, cancerous cells from her tumor were taken without her permission and used for scientific research at Johns Hopkins. Informed consent didn't exist at the time. The horrible irony of all this is that Henrietta left behind five young children who would grow up without their mother... and without health insurance. The Lacks' children would never be able to collect a dime from her mother's contribution (one made without her consent, no less). HeLa cells have helped millions of people globablly, from testing cancer therapies to the creation of the polio vaccine, as well as thousands of other studies.
You might see where I'm going with this whole "cells in a petri dish" tangent: HeLa cells helped pave the way for IVF.
The examining gynecologist, Dr. Howard Jones, first witnessed and diagnosed Henrietta's unusually large and aggressive cervical cancer tumor. He would leave Johns Hopkins in the 1970s with his wife Georgeanna, an endocrinologist, to form a reproductive research center in Virginia. The pair would go on to successfully pioneer IVF in the United States. And all because of the knowledge they gained from seeing HeLa cells in action.
Dr. Howard W. Jones, IVF pioneer.
This post was set up to be just another run of the mill book review as I read Rebecca Skloot's compelling account of Henrietta's life and the far-reaching impact of HeLa cells in the last 60 years. It was when I had finished the book and read the "Where are they now" section on the cast of characters in the story that I saw that Dr. Howard Jones was the doctor responsible for the first successful IVF pregnancy in the United States. That's when I realized the weird connection I had with Dr. Jones.
We both received Hope Awards at RESOLVE's Night of Hope this past September.
Dr. Jones received the Barbara Eck Founders Award for his work with his wife in the field of reproductive science. While Dr. Jones could not personally attend (he just turned 100 in December), the award was accepted on his behalf by his grandson. For a video of Dr. Jones at his 100th birthday, check this out from the ASRM: Dr. Howard Jones speaks about IVF in the 21st century.
There's a very powerful line in the book, from one of Henrietta's children, to the effect of, "I don't care if millions of people have benefited from my mother's cells... I just want my mother back." It was not an easy life for Henrietta's children in the wake of her death, as described in the book.
What hit me was realizing that I will be one of those people benefited. IVF wouldn't even be a possibility if it weren't for some borderline shady medical practices in the 1950s surrounding the collection and distribution of HeLa cells. I don't feel guilty for having benefited from this research. However, I do now have an appreciation of and watchful wariness for the bioethical considerations of scientific research. We are lucky to live in an age of informed consent, but that still doesn't mean you have control over your tissues once they leave your body, whether it's for research or even profit from that research. Just ask John Moore. You do however, have rights to your tissue before it leaves your body, like Ted Slavin.
All this talk of tissue and cells before and after they leave your body... kind of reminds me of the complexities inherent to using donor gametes. After reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, this is the first time I've ever really thought about donor egg/IVF from a very removed standpoint, without the context of all the very personal considerations: "Will my child look like me or us? Will I still feel connected to my child?" I'm more than aware of the need for laywers in the donor egg process but I think this is the first time it's really sunk in. I'm not saying legal consultation is a bad thing, rather, I really understand now that all involved parties, recipient and donor alike, each have legal rights. I hate to say that it's about ownership, but at the end of the day, we're talking about human cells and the property rights to those cells once they leave a woman's body.
I'm reminded too of a session on embryo donation I went to at RESOLVE of New England's Annual Conference last year. On one hand, it could be very easy to check off "donate my unused embryos to science." You're simply relenquishing your property rights to those cells. On the other hand (and this is painting the picture with a very broad brush stroke) it's like sending your potential children off to the lab. It's a lot to consider. Again, it's just the ways in which this book has broadened my thinking about modern reproductive science.
If you've read the book, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. If you haven't read it, go pick up a copy. It's a pretty quick read because honestly, it's so compelling you can't put it down. And I'll throw this question out there too:
Is anyone else just as marveled as I am at the miracles of modern science?
I mean, creating human embryos outside of the human body, implanting them into a waiting womb and if all goes well... it could be your child?! Mindblowing stuff when you really think about it.
The media has never really been kind to infertility. Then you get movies like Baby Momma and the ever horrifying The Backup Plan that kind of muck things up once in awhile. Only recently have we started seeing more empowering coverage such as Self Magazine's ground-breaking infertility article last August and shows like Giuliana & Bill. That said, we still have a long way to go.
Which leads me to my first point. Dear Media: Leave Guiliana and Bill Rancic alone.
Hang in there, Guiliana.
I realize that's a loaded statement given the fact that they've created a reality show based primarily on their infertility experience. Also, in full disclosure: I haven't watched their show, but I've followed along in online updates. They did something pretty brave by putting their infertility struggle in a very bright public light, and I applaud them for their courage and resolve. I can't even fathom coping with a miscarriage on national television.
So I was rather annoyed when I read an interview with Giuliana, titled "Giuliana Rancic: We Are Done With IVF For Now." The not-so-subtle spin there? The Rancics are quitters. When I clicked through and read the interview, I was even more infuriated that the question immediately following "how are you handling your miscarriage" was "Have you considered adoption?"
*facepalm*
No! Gosh! What is this "adoption" you speak of, oh wise media outlet? The thought has never crossed the minds of couples who can't have children. Goshemgollygeewhiz what an idea!
Why - why - is that always the first question other people ask in the wake of infertility? It's insensitive and just plain rude. I'm not knocking adoption by any means, but man - give this woman a break. She just lost a pregnancy following an aggressive IVF treatment. Have some respect.
It doesn't matter if Guiliana and Bill Rancic have a TV show or not. If they want to take a break from IVF, so be it. IVF is no walk in the park and no couple should ever feel like they're quitters just because they want to take a break, whether it's IVF, DE, IUI, or even natural conception. Sometimes you just need a break from the babymaking madness - and that deserves respect, not rejection.
. . .
Seriously. Please close your mouth.
Rant #2.Dear Media: Stop perpetuating the idea that getting pregnant, especially as a teen, is super easy and sort of cool.
Kim Kardashian: let me just file this under "topics I never thought about which I'd blog." But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Let's all just have a moment to scream silently: "90 pregnant teens in one high school and I can't score even one positive pregnancy test ?!"
Sweet, I feel better. You? Fab.
So then Kim Kardashian opens her big fat famewhore mouth (I know, not the most feminist-empowering or politically correct word I could use but let's face it: I'm callin' it like I see it) and blames the whole mess on MTV's Teen Mom. Two of the women from the show rightfully fire back at Miss Kimmy's holier-than-thou stance, reminding us that: "she made a sex tape when she was younger and she wants to bash the girls on Teen Mom?"
Word, Teen Mom lady, word.
On the other hand, I can understand where Kim "Wait, Why Am I Famous Again?" Kardashian is coming from. Much like the "pregnancy pact" drama of last year up in my neck of the woods, teen pregnancy is a subject the media loves to glamorize. Exhibit A: the film, Juno - because having babies at 16 is all iconic t-shirts and cheeseburger phones.
The issue I take is that there is a media perpetuated and culturally dictated message that if a young dude so much as breathes on a young lady, BAM! Teen pregnancy. (That's been one of my biggest gripes about abstinence-only sex ed in high schools.) At 17, I was super paranoid about pregnancy... and I was still a virgin! That's how paranoid I was. So, color me shocked when just a decade later, I'd like to get knocked up and I find out that all of those media messages and the borderline-Puritanical tone of high school health classes are a lie. That no, it's actually not that easy to get pregnant and millions of twenty and thirty-somethings have this idea that they'll land a bun in the oven on the first few tries.
And then millions of us wait another month or two longer to talk to our doctors because, it's just a little horizontal mambo, how hard could this be? Everybody (media, society) said this would be easy. Birds, bees, and all that jazz.
It's irresponsible, The Media. It's just fucking irresponsible.
We need the media to talk more responsibly about young women's health, not stories that turn babies into damned matching accessories. We need young women to a) thoroughly understand what's happening in their bodies and b) to recognize when things aren't right. We need young women (and men) to know that 1 in 8 could be them in 10 years, 5 years, next year- but they didn't even know it because they didn't feel empowered enough to talk to their doctor. We need high risk young women and men to think about fertility preservation - they might not know at 16 if they want to have children, butthey should still have the chance if they want to later in life and so they need to know how to talk to their parents and doctors about it now.
Because seriously? I should never have to agree with Kim Kardashian on anything. Ever.
Before I get started, I need to 'fess up about something kind of embarrassing. I thought I was being wicked creative with the title of this series, A Belly Full of Fire. Turns out, as I've gone through some of my research, this title isn't nearly as original as I thought it was. I need to fully credit Karima Hijane, Carly Heyman, Maureen Bell, and Mary Beth Busby's 2008 article from the Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, "From Fire in the Belly to a Boiling Heart: Fuel for Participatory Research." When I went to start working on this post and leafed through my research, I felt like a putz when I saw their article title. But I like it, it fits what I'm writing about, so I'm keeping it.
"Some women... turn their pain into a passion to help others in similar circumstances. They become what has been referred to as 'wounded healers,' who can help others heal, and help heal themselves in the process."
Source: Amber R. Cooper, A.R., Baker, V.L., Sterling, E.W., Ryan, M.E., Woodruff, T.K., and Nelson, L.M., The time is now for a new approach to primary ovarian insufficiency, Fertility and Sterility (2010), DOI:10.1016/j.fertnstert.2010.01.016. A Belly Full of Fire, Part Two: The Wounded Healer
I felt robbed. Cheated. Empty.
I would revisit the email from my doctor: "[The results], if they are to be believed, indicate that premature ovarian failure is the problem, not PCOS dysfunction/follicular maturation arrest as you, I and your previous caregivers had presumed." I thought that perhaps, maybe this time when I read it, the words would miraculously transform into "Nothing's wrong."
I started this blog as a way to channel these emotions, to fill some of the void that had been etched into my psyche. I found myself compelled to educate others as I started sharing research and informational posts. I wrestled with G-d for a little while, fighting battles between the lines, wielding my typed words as weapons and my faith as a shield. And before I knew it, the end of April had arrived, bringing with it my first National Infertility Awareness Week. I had all of this pent up frustration, anger, and anxiety, its kinetic energy boring holes into my spirit. Why not channel this energy, I thought.
The first thing I did was out myself on Facebook. The message stayed up there for about three hours before I chickened out and removed it. But in those three hours, I got three messages from friends of mine I hadn't talked to in years, each saying "I understand your journey because I'm going through it too." It was reassuring in ways that my blogging had not been. So then I reposted it with a sense of purposeful confidence. This was the first time I felt oddly positive about my infertility, in that I realized it could be channeled as an educational tool for activism.
The ol' college activist in me is feeling inspired. I think it's because by involving myself in some kind of advocacy role, I reestablish a sense of control.
I keep pinpointing my video and this year's NIAW that launched my advocacy, but looking back through my older entries, I realize it started a year prior. My repurposed energy has refueled my spirit and sustained me through the darker times.
What I've only come to understand recently is that advocacy has helped to heal me. It's not like the emotional compartmentalizing, the escapist video game sojourns, the instant gratification of buying crap I don't need, or the diversional half-assed attempts to "find a hobby" or get in shape - advocacy has been like a bowl of chicken soup. It doesn't make the cold go away, but it fulfills you, helps you get better, and it's a welcome treat anytime you get sick.
I've had the privilege of being in touch with Dr. Lawrence Nelson at the NICHD, undoubtedly the leading researcher of POF/POI in the nation. He sent me the article containing the above quote and the words "wounded healer" resonated so strongly within me. Wounded healer is such an apt description for patient activists. If you take a look at even just a handful of executive directors of major infertility organizations and companies, they each have some deeply personal connection to infertility. With the silence that surrounds infertility, it only makes sense that former patients rise up to become leaders within the field.
Whether we are lobbying on Capitol Hill or connecting with other bloggers, we are each in our own way wounded healers.
The online ALI community has truly rallied around this concept, even if we don't formally call ourselves wounded healers. Things like the LFCA, blog hops, blog awards, online forums: we celebrate and support one another, we share tips and tricks and recommend books and websites. A friend comes to us and says, "A coworker of mine just told me she's about to do her first IVF cycle. Do you mind if I give her your information?" In helping to heal others, as Cooper, et al. notes, we heal ourselves.
It's about repurposing energy. Advocacy becomes a way of transforming pain into positive action. Suddenly you're finding little victories everywhere: your parents help you out at a volunteer telethon and send your organization a check for $250 (thank you Mom and Papa!). You get asked to guest blog or become a contributor. A senator to whom you sent a semi-form letter actually writes back and responds to your concerns, or their staffer calls you back when you leave a message to let you know that yes, your concerns will be passed on to the senator. An letter-writing campaign that you were a part of produces desired outcomes. These little victories add fuel to your reserves.
Are they an equivalent check and balance for a loss or a negative beta? Of course not. But at least you're not running on empty. And you use up that fuel to propel you forward, to keep you going.
I'll speak plainly: advocacy has saved my life. I don't walk around feeling so effing empty. I sat myself down and told myself if I can't create life, I can at least create purposeful living.
. . . . .
Today I wrote about advocacy as a way of personal healing. Take this weekend and invest in a little healing of your own. Come back Monday when I'll talk about how you can figure out what advocacy style best suits you.
Spread the word about Men's Health Awareness! Do it for your brothers, your sons, your dads, your husbands, your uncles, and your best boy buds. June is Men's Health Month and this week is Men's Health Week. It happens every year the week before and including Father's Day. I wish I had prepared for this week, because I would have lined up some male-factor IF posts. I do plan to post about the elusive male point of view in the next month or so. Until then and in celebration of Men's Health Week, I'll list some great infertility resources for the men in our lives.
Male factor infertility is the sole cause of a couple's infertility issues in about 30% of cases. Female factor accounts for another 30%, and the rest are either unexplained or a combination of the two (source: RESOLVE.org). Infertility is not just a woman's problem, and even when the issue is female factor, it doesn't mean it's not affecting her partner. Here are some great resources that I've come across:
+ Men and Emotions: "Despite the fact that approximately 40% of infertility is attributed to male factors, it appears that men are not as willing or as able as their female partners to talk about their experience. Perhaps this is because we traditionally think of children as a woman's province." Read the rest of the article here at RESOLVE.org.
+ Psychological Issues in Male-Factor Infertility: "In general, the man’s reaction to infertility has been viewed by mental health professionals as taking less of an emotional toll than his partner’s... Little room is left for dealing with his own feelings of loss and sadness. This conforms to society’s gender expectations in which men are not given permission to express deep feelings of loss..." Read the rest at the American Fertility Association website.
+ Coping With Mother's Day and Father's Day: With Father's Day approaching, this can be a tough time of year for men and couples struggling with infertility. RESOLVE has some great advice to make it through the day.
+ Add your resource in the comments below! Blogs, articles, websites: all are welcome.
while sunning in your finest bikini - but they’re quick enough reads packed with great information that you can pick up casually over the summer.
by Dr. Ali Domar - (
by Carolyn and Sean Savage - (
by Phoebe Potts (
by Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos (July 29)
by Melissa Ford (August 12)
(2010).
